The Ballad of Crud and Horgus v1.1

Feeling confident, you deliver a long monologue to Levi. You talk about fate, what it means to be alive, the concept of justice, and the glory one feels when they make a really good chili. You are so engrossed in your conversation that you don't notice Levi pressing a small button he had in his jeans pocket.
You see a small contraption open to your left. Before you can react, a pair of rolled up jeans slam into your ribcage. You collapse, the wind knocked out of you.
Before you pass out, you hear Levi say, "No one expects the Jeans Cannon."
Beans.