The Darragh Man.

Ian drew his sword. Paper!

"Haw haw!" Sig cackled, unveiling a phallic stick. "Yer gonna stab yer pure da with that sword n marry yer maw!"

Showdown! Ian and Sig collided their peni- swords, their swords!

"You're gonna hurt!" Ian threatened. What a passive soul he was.

Ian's entire sword was just stacked catheters. Fall down!

"Oh naw man..." Ian was inescapable.

"Ha ha!" Sig bowed like a calendar. This would make his mother!

Sig dropped to the floor. Needle in his gluteus.

Doctor! Morphine gun! Ian saved!

"Ian!" The doctor bellowed. Roaring fireplace! "Get back tae the deck! Neds been reversing and hopping for eternity!"

"Aye." Ian returns to his grand entrance...