Comments & Ratings
||Jul 25, 2011||...|
||Jul 23, 2011||Hey I came back to the site and added an actual decent room. Go to the park and click on swing for the new room. :) I'm 14 now, (i was 12 when i first wrote it) so it should be better. :)|
||Jul 9, 2009|
||Jun 7, 2009||
The 'Dollar General' reference was brilliant. My roommate bought a digital clock radio there. Within a week it was 5 hours ahead of where it should be.|
He couldn't bring himself to throw it away. Instead, he just leaves it running. I think once every two weeks it IS actually dead-on.
Anyway, you're twelve. Nicely done for twelve. Therefore, I give you a solid five.
Keep reading and writing! Oh, and stop rating DEP's stories so low. Or at least offer a coherent reason as to why you rated him so low.
Around here he is a respected writer, and for good cause.
||Jun 2, 2009||You have a sense of humor, and I like that. The robot beginning was rather creative. All of my points are yours for those reasons. Overall I didn't care for the story, but as a writer I'm sure you have potential.|
||Jun 2, 2009||
This story was pathetic. I realize that your protagonist was supposed to be pathetic; but the writing didn't have to be.|
Where do I start with a critique on this one?
Stories have a few basic elements, one of which is called a plot. Try and develop one of these before attempting to write a story, it should pretty much be the first step.
Character development. This story had none. In fact it only had one character, really. Unless you count a kid that laughs at you or a lady at a store who somehow marries you.
Try and actually write a room or two in your story. One or two sentences does not count as writing.
Maybe you should start with reading though. Pick up a book or two, read them in their entirety, then try to write like that.
Shit, even "see dick run, run dick run" had a more elaborate plotline and writing structure than this crap.
The only saving grace was that I could actually read what you wrote. Picking little words was a safe bet.
||Apr 5, 2009||
It doesn't develop enough. I don't feel myself having enough 'fun' for it to be considered an overload.|
Like the others said, keep working on writing, and you'll improve. Good luck :)
||Mar 9, 2009||Trite and bromidic.|
||Mar 8, 2009||
No, not kinda funny.|
You've got brains, dude, and that usually means you've got writing potential as well -- you need to put more work into it is all. Make longer rooms, for a start. Often, the rest will come naturally.
||Mar 8, 2009||Wow kinda funny.|