Agent 49X 2#: The whale rescue
Comments & Ratings
| Author | Rating | Date | Comment |
|---|---|---|---|
Thickskullman |
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May 25, 2013 | |
YazZMaN |
 |
Mar 2, 2009 | I'm assuming you're new to the writing world, and that's OK -- you just need to get experience by reading and writing whenver you get the chance. The only thing I can think to point out for this story, that wasn't covered in my last rating, is the scene in the beginning of the story where you describe a group of kids "ages 8 to 21" or something like that. I know it probably looks like you're doing good by being specific, but you're a lot better off writing something like "a group of teenagers" or "a group of young people of all ages" -- neither of those two example are great, but I think you get the idea. Listing exact ages like that doesn't help anyone except scientists. Being too specific will push the reader out of the story; you have to allow people (a little) space to use their imaginations. Besides, something like "middle aged kids" gives us a much quicker and clearer image in the end, don't you think? If you're interested in findng some quality stories on here, I'd reccomend: - Anything by ChubbyTeletubby (as long as you don't get offended easily) - Anything by Donteatpoop - EndMaster's "Necromancer" (he's got some other good ones, but I can't think of the names right now) - Dragavan's "From Darkness it Comes" There's a lot more good stories on here, but those are the ones that come to mind. |
| adam1 |
 |
Feb 9, 2009 | |