Agent 49X 2#: The whale rescue

Comments & Ratings

This is quite bad.
by Thickskullman on May 25, 2013
This one was better than your other story, but still needs a lot of work.
I'm assuming you're new to the writing world, and that's OK -- you just need to get experience by reading and writing whenver you get the chance.

The only thing I can think to point out for this story, that wasn't covered in my last rating, is the scene in the beginning of the story where you describe a group of kids "ages 8 to 21" or something like that. I know it probably looks like you're doing good by being specific, but you're a lot better off writing something like "a group of teenagers" or "a group of young people of all ages" -- neither of those two example are great, but I think you get the idea. Listing exact ages like that doesn't help anyone except scientists.

Being too specific will push the reader out of the story; you have to allow people (a little) space to use their imaginations. Besides, something like "middle aged kids" gives us a much quicker and clearer image in the end, don't you think?

If you're interested in findng some quality stories on here, I'd reccomend:

- Anything by ChubbyTeletubby (as long as you don't get offended easily)
- Anything by Donteatpoop
- EndMaster's "Necromancer" (he's got some other good ones, but I can't think of the names right now)
- Dragavan's "From Darkness it Comes"

There's a lot more good stories on here, but those are the ones that come to mind.
by YazZMaN on Mar 2, 2009
this is so cool, it is also very emotianal at the end. The coices in the story are seemingly neverending!
by adam1 on Feb 9, 2009

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