Agent 49X: The paintball vendeta

Comments & Ratings

Author Rating Date Comment
Nov 18, 2013
by Lackofmop on Nov 18, 2013
May 18, 2013
Really linear.
by Thickskullman on May 18, 2013
Mar 2, 2009
Way back in infinite-story's early days, I would have given something like this a 7 or an 8 -- you've demonstrated that you can create a coherent story, and that's a lot more than can be said a lot of the stuff I've seen.

Nowadays, for better or worse, the bar has been raised. I can't justify giving it anything higher higher than a 6 for these reasons:

- The tense changes in the story

- The narrative changes from third to second person (you describe something that "you" [the reader] is doing in one part, and then something that "he" [Agent 49x] is doing in another)

- Grammatical errors

- Scenes weren't fleshed out enough

If you want to improve your writing, try to slow down things down a bit -- take it easy. Describe things in detail. Flesh out the characters. Review your writing when you've finished and make sure everything looks neat.

I know you're capable of these things, since there were a couple rooms with sufficient detail in here.

Since I think plotlines come natural for most people, here's a good general formula for writers:

Writers goal = Tell story quickly and "understandably" + Put reader inside of story using detail

It's about finding a balance between the details and the story. Move it along quick, but make sure the reader feels the scenes.

You'll find the balance if you read and write enough.
by YazZMaN on Mar 2, 2009
Feb 8, 2009
This is a great adventure which is filled with many twists and turns. make sure you read it, its simply the best!
by adam1 on Feb 8, 2009

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