Comments & Ratings
Way back in infinite-story's early days, I would have given something like this a 7 or an 8 -- you've demonstrated that you can create a coherent story, and that's a lot more than can be said a lot of the stuff I've seen.|
Nowadays, for better or worse, the bar has been raised. I can't justify giving it anything higher higher than a 6 for these reasons:
- The tense changes in the story
- The narrative changes from third to second person (you describe something that "you" [the reader] is doing in one part, and then something that "he" [Agent 49x] is doing in another)
- Grammatical errors
- Scenes weren't fleshed out enough
If you want to improve your writing, try to slow down things down a bit -- take it easy. Describe things in detail. Flesh out the characters. Review your writing when you've finished and make sure everything looks neat.
I know you're capable of these things, since there were a couple rooms with sufficient detail in here.
Since I think plotlines come natural for most people, here's a good general formula for writers:
Writers goal = Tell story quickly and "understandably" + Put reader inside of story using detail
It's about finding a balance between the details and the story. Move it along quick, but make sure the reader feels the scenes.
You'll find the balance if you read and write enough.
|This is a great adventure which is filled with many twists and turns. make sure you read it, its simply the best!|