Youngstown Demon
Comments & Ratings
| Author | Rating | Date | Comment |
|---|---|---|---|
donteatpoop |
 |
Mar 25, 2014 | "Your choice to cloak the story in the ambience of Youngstown from the very beginning is a good one. It'd be nice to see that expanded some, to see the character interacting more with the city before any action or thoughts of action begin, and to see the city's falling apart as a theme that colors the story more strongly throughout. The assassin storyline seems a bit overdone these days, even with God in the character's mind (though it'd help if you really expanded on the "holy messenger" theme). It's well-enough written, though I prefer the emotional ties of some of your others, like "Brothers." " "Not quite as unsettling as I had thought, once I figured out the protagonist's hobby. The psych aspect of it is interesting, and perhaps underplayed? Maybe not...too much of it would ruin this work. I kinda like the summary of the ass-father, though. "blahblahblah", "blahblahblahfuckyou" For all the tone that is set in the first room, not much of it is mentioned in the rest of the story. Heck, the park only appears in one small branch. And you'd never know Youngstown is a ghost town based on what the protagonist encounters." "I wished there were more. I got chills during the dream sequence (I wasn't even reading it that deeply). This was fresh and I reloaded the updating image of the town over and over. I want to know what happens to the Youngtowns Demon. The only complaint I have aside from the story being incomplete (which is understandable) is the writing style. There were many moments where I felt sentences should have been edited for clarity or for flow. One last comment: the amount of detail was impeccable. Not too much, not too little. " |
Artazansss |
 |
Sep 2, 2011 | |
| TheCandyMan |
 |
May 8, 2011 | |