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They Can't Kill Me

Written by stretchboy2000 / R: Restricted - Adult / 3.00 (3 ratings) (3)
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Comments & Ratings

Author Rating Date Comment
Lackofmop
Lackofmop		 Jul 5, 2013
They can kill you.
by Lackofmop on Jul 5, 2013
donteatpoop
donteatpoop		 Sep 3, 2007
The first room in the story was decent. Not particulary well written, but it showed promise and had several sentences. But every room from there on made me want to slit my wrists. A child could write a more detailed story than this.
by donteatpoop on Sep 3, 2007
Calen
Calen		 Aug 30, 2007
This story has potential- but it appears to be simply a combination of a good idea and a bad way to put it.
The one sentence rooms are a surefire way to get you 1s and 2s, but I'm giving you a 3 because it looks like SOME effort went into this.
BANG you dead- or something like that- that's what the worst writers on the site write.
Look at the security tapes! And it's you on them- that's an excellent idea.
To put it simply, expand the story and don't settle for writing anything less than your full potential. Make rooms into paragraph form and spell check (It sounds illeagle but that's not the way you spell it- it's illegal) and you could have a great story.

I look forward to any future work you may do, if it is improved. Welcome to the site. (If you are new)
by Calen on Aug 30, 2007

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