Comments & Ratings
|Really long.... Noting happened|
It's a good story, but I'm stuck at: |
You sit down at your desk. You have a little red boxing ball suspended on a spring next to the computer monitor, for those hectic days at the office. ??
It doesn't go anywhere from there..? :L
|Me: hmm, this story's not that bad, I'll probably give it a 5 -- wait, what's this.... SiriusBlack gives a 10 without a comment... that's fishy. Let's check it out. Aha! SiriusBlack has not contributed to any stories, nor has he given any ratings other than to this one, Criminal Minds. I smell a fraud. I give you a zero. Wait, 1 is the lowest I can give. Okay, fine.|
|I'll give you an 8 for a first-timer. My suggestion is to work on the frame of the story, as apoth said, as well as the fact that I found choosing one case only lets you look the case up online, not do anything about it. There is no way to resolve the case. I'd say delete some rooms and change the options. Otherwise, good work for someone new here.|
I'll give you credit. Of all the new stories from new members that suddenly flooded this site, you proably wrote the best one.|
Still though, your story could have used a LOT more description and details. As it stands, it almost looks like you have the frame work of a plot, you just need to develope it more. Don't be afraid to use more than a paragraph per page/room.
Welcome to the site.
|This story has potential but you need a lot more detail in your writing.|