The Darkness

Written by realmofwonders / NR: Not Rated /

(5)

Comments & Ratings

Author	Rating	Date	Comment
apotheosis		Jun 26, 2007	Needs more of a lot of things, primarily effort. by apotheosis on Jun 26, 2007
ChubbyTeletubby		Apr 10, 2006	Wow, I must strongly voice my disagreement with my esteemed peers. This story was awful, even for a first attempt. Don't get me wrong, I am not, by any means, the best writer on this site. And neither are you, quite obviously. At least not with this piece of drivel you call a 'story'. The options are lame, the story itself is lame and lacks substance, and I am still shocked and appalled that DEP, Yazzman, and Jeff gave you anything higher than a six. They all tend to be kind to new faces around here, I suppose. Take my advice, delete this story and start over. And do me a favor: TRY this time, mmkay?. You DO have some talent, you just got lazy with this one. by ChubbyTeletubby on Apr 10, 2006
YazZMaN		Apr 5, 2006	Yes, there is effort and for a first story, it's defenitely good. However, as it turns out, the only missing elements are things that pretty much kill a story when they are missing: Plot, character development, and though you had description, I'd like to see it on a little bit of a deeper level. I disagree with donteatpoop that the whole "run around screaming" thing was irrational, because I believe there are a lot of people I know, who would do just that if they woke up in a pitch black room. I do think that some of the events seemed illogical and appear to have been written in a bit of a hurry, most notably the in the room where the reader's body freezes just because they look out a window, before you inform them that the reason is because they are dead. Just keep writing, you clearly have potential. (Sometimes I feel like I'm the "Richard Simmons" of this site) by YazZMaN on Apr 5, 2006
donteatpoop		Apr 3, 2006	Like I said before. The writing itself is superb. You have a lot of promise and a great deal of talent. But I stand by my statement regarding the logic of the choices. "Run around Screaming", in my opinon is exactly the opposite of a logical choice. There are a couple irrational options as the story progresses, but that one is in the first room and therefor left a greater impression on me. But like I said, the writing is excellent. Thus the 8 I gave. Nice job. by donteatpoop on Apr 3, 2006
jeffisthebest		Apr 2, 2006	As with a lot of stories, this one's got a great deal of potential. You obviously are a good writer who makes the effort to actually work on your stories, and I'm sure you will improve. Good points were choices (I disagree with DEP's forum post they were rational choices) and follow-up rooms. If you're looking for improvement, I'd advise fewer choices per room and more description. by jeffisthebest on Apr 2, 2006