Comments & Ratings
||May 26, 2013||A decent effort that probably took a while to write. But it's too big and sprawling with too many incomplete branches. There are few endings and most are unsatisfactory.|
||Feb 25, 2011|
||Jan 26, 2009||
Wow... I randomly picked this story to read and I am so glad I did. What a wonderful addition to the site. |
I was actually disappointed to reach an empty room. I'm fascinated by the story,and I can't wait to see where it is going.
The main reason I am giving you a 9 instead of a 10 is because I think the first room is really hard to get through. It is hard to get through because all the descriptions are built around the word "you" I think it is holding you back.
||Jan 21, 2009||You're doing an amazing job. Keep it up.|
||Dec 4, 2006||It was a compelling story but I reached a loose end way to quickly on the several paths I took.|
||Sep 18, 2006||
I give you an 8, mainly because your choices at the end of the room are excellent. Unlike DEP, I thought your descriptions were satisfactory, that's probably the difference between the 7 and the 8.|
Also, your rooms were fast-paced, something I certainly liked. While your writing didn't completely blow me away (which would've given you 9/10) I bet your next story will.
||Sep 18, 2006||
I was meaning to check this out but forgot all about it in my hectic work day. Thanks for plugging it in the forums.|
Anyway, I gave you a seven (as you can see). I was torn between seven and eight, but I settled on seven. Here are the reasons why you got such a high rating as well as a few reasons on why you didn't.
Positive: This was a pretty good premise for an interactive story. You wake up somewhere and you gotta figure out why/what you are doing there. Yeah, that's been done before, but you presented it well. Also, I like that this isn't just a random "do this/do that" storyline like so many other "you wake up somewhere" stories.
Negative: You don't describe enough. Yeah, you described a little, but I need more. For instance, in the first room "You feel scared." Care to elaborate? In other words, don't just tell the reader how the protagonist feels, make them feel it. Describe the emotions. Maybe have the character think a few sentences which protray the emotion of fear and confusion. That kind of thing.
One other negative: Use double carraige between paragraphs. (press enter twice). Otherwise the formatting is difficult to read.
Great job with the story, though. I think there is a lot of room for improvement, but that's not a bad thing. You are molding with clay here, rather than the shit sculptures so many others put together.