Comments & Ratings
One more comment from the contest: |
"This is another example of a story that would have been much more competitive if only Mr. Poopyface had bothered to complete it, or complete half of it, or complete a third of it. I didn't look at the page count initially, so I received a nasty shock when I stumbled upon a dead end just as the story was getting juicy. All the plot pieces were in place to make this a truly thrilling romp with lots of sexy-fun thrown in to make things muy caliente, but all that self-abuse must have tuckered the poor fellow right out before he could get too far.
There is a sad underside to all of Poop's writing, and this is something that I wouldn't trade for all the gold of Antium. Or some place golden. I liked how the option to shut down and give up kept popping up as though to reassure the poor reader, "Yes! Suicide is an option!" and that even in such hokey adventurey stories as sci-fis tend to be, there still exists the inescapable psyche and its tendency towards depression. The description of his shut-down process and gradual loss of memory was some pretty effectively heavy shit thrown into the midst of all the clitoral stimulation and blasting ass in search of that big F-word, Freedom.
As usual, Poop's grammar and syntax and all that stuff is pretty fucking sloppy, and way more sloppy than it should be for a writer of his caliber. He just doesn't seem to care that this kind of shit knocks off points that don't have to be knocked off and make him look sort of rough-necky to the uninitiated. But I get the feeling now, 6 years after making Mr. Poop's acquaintance, that he just doesn't give a hootin' or a holler. That's cool. You won a contest, so it's not like you're short on glory or anything. But still. Lazy sot.
Of all the writers in this year's contest, Poop is the least likely to slip into mind-numbing nerdism, focusing on dull details that no one cares about and forgetting to add little things like three full dimensions to his stories. What so many sci-fi writers don't seem to realize is the fact that you can't move into the fifth dimension if you haven't yet gotten beyond two. The drive to dive right into the obscure is often indicative of a desperate bid to cover up a poor grasp of the mundane. Nobody makes the mundane interesting like Poop does. Not that sex robots are exactly run-of-the-mill, but his stories are always rooted firmly on the ground with both feet, or however many feet they might happen to have.
Seriously, though, Poop, you need to get your shit together. You need to finish your shit. You need to edit your shit. You gave such exquisite care to the first two or three pages, but by the end you were reduced to referring to "bewbs" and using ungodly numbers of exclamation marks. And this from the guy who hates smileys. I know these are just place markers, but still...insert a grammar enema; wait five minutes; lose the shit; become the kewlest guy in town!"
More comments from the contest:|
"I also very much liked this story and read all of the pages, so far. I feel a little bad, because I like his lazy filler pages the most (run like a motherfucker, motherfuck). The writing was solid and emotionally detached, which seemed really fitting for the Andrew model, but there were a few weird spelling mistakes (ridiculous doesn't have an e in it). The plot seemed like it was kind of bungled together from a bunch of different Scifi movies, so not a lot was new, but I still liked all of it and how it meshed together. I really did enjoy the story. I wish I could have actually killed the shit out of Alice, she is kind of a huge raging bitch tits. Um, and the theme made really good use of a futuristic setting that's just similar enough to day to day life to be unnerviing."
"The story idea is quite an interesting one. The writing style was good and flowed easily, with very few mistakes. I found it interesting to see how mankind apparently treats robots. A sexbot is, at least, a different take on the sci fi genre - at least in the sorts of things I read. (I never actually thought anyone would take up the suggestion of a sexbot. You'd think I would know better by now).
I tend to not have very much interest in stories slanting towards the erotic side, which is more of a personal taste than a reflection on a writer. Still, I read to where the rooms ended because the plot was interesting enough once I got to the part where the reader-character was acting differently to the programming.
There were, however, a few rooms that were clearly put in place to act as fillers and weren't nearly as well-written as the first lot of rooms. I know it was to make the story eligible for the contest, but I'm afraid it did detract from the rest of the story. And there were many questions that I found had been left unanswered.
If there were more rooms and more explanations as to what was going on, I'd mark it much higher.
Oh - and regarding the themes. The only one I could tell was the non-human protagonist. There were probably others, but I didn't notice them (which is probably more down to me than the writing).
So... good attempt, but I would have liked to see more."
More comments from contest:|
"Very little spelling/grammar errors I noticed. Story had an excellent flow to it and I enjoy how the author is so descriptive, even during the *ahem* naughty bits. I actually felt sorry for Andrew the android.
Love the premise of this story. A utopian society ruled by women who use man bots simply for menial tasks and sex. Genius. The lack of an ending is my complaint here. The story has a couple of interesting options where you can join a resistance against the utopian society or return back to Alice. I think both options would be interesting to expand upon. When I couldn’t read on any longer, I was quite disappointed. That, however, is the mark of a talented author, which you are. Keep going with this story please.
From start to finish I was grinning like an idiot. Suffice it to say this story entertained the hell out of me. I wish it was longer and more fleshed out, but what a journey you took me on so far. Oh the many adventures a renegade sex bot could have…So many delicious options. Hats off to you sir, for such an enjoyable read.
Best use of theme was non-human protagonist. Andrew is a great non human character, full of all the complexities of being a robot and slowly gaining individuality. It’s a classic sci-fi theme, but one that works well for a talented writer such as yourself. The utopia theme worked to serve as a background for why Andrew was created and needed, but I felt this could have been fleshed out a bit more. The last theme was difficult for me to decipher, but I realize it was cybernetic revolt due to Andrews’s actions. Good use of the theme, but once again it could have been fleshed out a bit more. Why exactly was the problem occurring in Andrew models? Were all other Andrew models destroyed or had some escaped destruction? Overall this was a well written romp through the mind of a sex robot and I hope you continue the story to its satisfying conclusion. "
Comments from the contest results:|
"I... well, I expected nothing less from DEP. Once again, the story is set in a fantastic setting, where we only skim the top layer. I frequently forgot there were no human men. I kept expecting to see squicky scenes involving other owners and/or other robots. Have we not gotten that far yet? It's kinda weird that Andrew is the only robot in the story.
I am curious about where some of these story threads will lead, although I guess it's possible that all roads lead to the resistance, and the only real difference is how much death and carnage you make along the way. Or I suppose there could eventually be a revolution...
I was surprised at how many rooms had a large number of choices- especially considering how many of them seem similar. But, I guess you know what you're doing. Or, if you don't, you're doing a pretty good job of keeping the loose ends under check. "
|It's a great concept and a well written story. I just wished it had been finished; there are too many loose ends.|
|Oh I see now. Thanks for clearing that up End. donteatpoop is still a douche for doing this though...I thought so much better of him. I'm so bitterly disappointed. You're kind of on my shitlist at the moment poopykins, so that's double doody on youdy.|
I think she was referring to you rating your own story a 10. |
It probably shocked her that you would resort to such tactics, but to the rest of us that have known you since the old days, its not really a new thing to see you being a cheating bastard.
|Many, many things Ves. But what brings on the question?|
|DEP, you douchepirate. What the fuck is wrong with you?|
|This is the greatest story written in the history of ever.|