Comments & Ratings
|How could a story so incomplete be rated so high? Dodgy.|
|I would like to see more done with this story, it has great potential. I would normally give a story of this caliber a 7 but because it mentioned atomic theory it goes up 2 points automatically.|
Uh...Chubby? That ten, um...not deserved.|
I won't mark you off for Chubby's rating, because that would be VERY unfair. Your story lacked all description, but at least it was coherent, and this was a first story.
Don't take this the wrong way, but I really don't get why ChubbyTeletubby rated you a ten. |
But here;s why I rated it an eight. There are certain parts in the story where you have the chaqracter pause in speech and then continue, which is okay, but you have each sentence broken by seperate sets of quotation marks, which leads the reader to beleive someone else is speaking.
Also, the story itself just didn't engage the reader (me in this case.) I know you were going for the educational angle, but there needs to be some entertainment in with that if you want anyone to actually read it. A book that is strictly educational is commonly referred to as text books by students.
What a promising start! This story is done in a very unique style and I think it would be great if you finished it.|
Seeing as your giving this story a 'G' rating (at least early on), and we're currently engrossed in a tournament involving 'G' rated stories ('we' being a few of us who frequent this site) - I think THIS story here could be a likely candidate as a winner.
Sometimes physics can give you a migraine, but sometimes it's fun to delve into.