Shemaru

Written by jeffisthebest / PG: Parental Guidance Suggested / 8.67 (3 ratings) (3)
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Comments & Ratings

Author Rating Date Comment
Calen
Calen		 Apr 18, 2008
Amazing job. Some of your stories have really improved from the previous ones.
by Calen on Apr 18, 2008
donteatpoop
donteatpoop		 Mar 29, 2006
Great story, homer. The terrorist twist at the end was unexpected and well presented. I don't know how logical the terrorist reasoning was, but otherwise it was all good.
by donteatpoop on Mar 29, 2006
YazZMaN
YazZMaN		 Jan 28, 2006
If it was for the contest, I would have given it an 8.4.

The description of the landscape is excellent, but I'd like to see a little more detail like: What kind of smells are there? What does it look like when you kill someone? Is it bloody? What kind of thoughts are going through the main character's head during the battle? What are the emotions of these people?

The whole twist thing was pretty cool, but I thought that the reason that the terrorists were there (to make poor people rich) was cheezy (anything can happen though right?). Maybe if you added in what drove these people to take children hostages just to make poor people the rulers it would seem better...

For example: Maybe some rich person killed these guy's parents (I know that's not a good one, but I feel like there should be some kind of driving factor there).

Pretty good anyways.
by YazZMaN on Jan 28, 2006

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