Comments & Ratings
||Apr 18, 2008||Amazing job. Some of your stories have really improved from the previous ones.|
||Mar 29, 2006||Great story, homer. The terrorist twist at the end was unexpected and well presented. I don't know how logical the terrorist reasoning was, but otherwise it was all good.|
||Jan 28, 2006||
If it was for the contest, I would have given it an 8.4.|
The description of the landscape is excellent, but I'd like to see a little more detail like: What kind of smells are there? What does it look like when you kill someone? Is it bloody? What kind of thoughts are going through the main character's head during the battle? What are the emotions of these people?
The whole twist thing was pretty cool, but I thought that the reason that the terrorists were there (to make poor people rich) was cheezy (anything can happen though right?). Maybe if you added in what drove these people to take children hostages just to make poor people the rulers it would seem better...
For example: Maybe some rich person killed these guy's parents (I know that's not a good one, but I feel like there should be some kind of driving factor there).
Pretty good anyways.