ghost town

Written by jessicaloveskurt / NR: Not Rated /

(2)

Comments & Ratings

Author	Rating	Date	Comment
apotheosis		Jun 16, 2007	You never developed any sort of a plot, there were several grammatical errors (such as writing "tentatevily") and basically very little to the story. You gave no reason for the reader to care as they read through it... it was just pointless... by apotheosis on Jun 16, 2007
donteatpoop		Nov 11, 2005	I understand that this is your first story on the site so I will attempt to be constructive. Your story is lacking details. In the first page I saw promising descriptive qualities (the taste of sea salt in the air), but you didn't follow through. Also, there shouldn't be only one possible choice for the story to continue, this detracts from the essance of this story format in the first place. My advice is to go through everything again and use the edit feature. Flesh out your story, extend the sudden dead ends by deleting the rooms and continuing the story lines. (like when you yell and the next room basicaly reads; "No one comes. THE END." You could instead say "No one comes..." Then describe what happens and give a few more choices. All right, I'm done. But Kurt loves me more. by donteatpoop on Nov 11, 2005