Comments & Ratings
||Sep 28, 2011||Simple. This story is a chore to read, you were also ignoble enough to rate yourself...Great idea.|
||Jul 30, 2008||it was ok. barely.|
||Jul 30, 2008|
||Nov 27, 2006||It's bad, but I don't think it deserves the 1.5 rating it has right now because there are many stories worse than it. Still not good, more effort please.|
||Dec 7, 2005||What they said. You got potential if you actually try. Don't be so lazy.|
||Nov 30, 2005||
Aight, you did one thing right: spelling.|
Don't rate yourself. That's an unspoken rule.
And almost all first stories (inlcuding mine) are really short. But thats ok, what's not okay is that you have so many loose ends. Always write your first story on a pad to get the hang of it before you post it online!!!
||Oct 15, 2005||
I guess that's what happens when you rate your own shit (and trust me, I do mean SHIT)... you get to see your name at the top for a brief shining moment - that is, until someone with a modicum of sense comes behind you and reads your schlock.|
This story shall be banished to the bottom of the stacks where it belongs!
||Oct 15, 2005||
You must not have read much.|
But that's not very constructive; allow me to elaborate.
I'd say that three out of every four stories on this site have the exact same plotline as this. While not having a plot isn't a bad thing when it's delivered properly; this story clearly is not delivered well.
Zero description. I've read more descriptive stories from Eric Carle. (He's a childrens author (The Very Hungry Caterpillar)) I've seen scrawlings on the walls of mens room stalls with more depth than this mess.
Too many choices. When you make that many choices per room, it becomes extremely difficult to keep up. Which means that if someone is reading your story, they're most likely going to read two or three pages and come to a dead end. Accompanying that with your ten word average pages, and it makes for a short and unenjoyable read.
Finaly, stories where you make choices of what you as a character do are much better than choosing your surroundings. This makes a difficult transistion for the reader; one minute your the character, the next you are apparently God, choosing what falls into your path, where you live, etc...
||Oct 14, 2005||Wow....This must be the best story on this website|