CRACK ATTACK!
Comments & Ratings
| Author | Rating | Date | Comment |
|---|---|---|---|
Thickskullman |
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May 26, 2013 | |
| Artazansss |
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Nov 12, 2011 | |
| TheCandyMan |
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May 21, 2011 | |
| emily77 |
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Jun 24, 2009 | |
| Loverfli |
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Nov 21, 2008 | |
EndMaster |
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Jan 4, 2008 | Let it be known to all who read this piece of literature that this story was written not for fame, or glory and definitely not for money. No, this story was written... FOR GREAT JUSTICE! |
| TyCamden |
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Feb 17, 2007 | |
| GuiltyGearX |
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Dec 13, 2006 | I can't even find the words to say how funny this is. I hope to see more like it. Again, Thanks for the laugh. |
apotheosis |
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Nov 27, 2006 | |
| Drewc91 |
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Nov 25, 2006 | |
Vesnicie |
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Nov 25, 2006 | I can't breathe, I can't..... Gurgle gaaaaasp gurgle gurgle *Dies laughing* |
| Leblanc4prez |
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Sep 7, 2006 | |
| mangofox |
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Jul 6, 2006 | |
ChubbyTeletubby |
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May 23, 2006 | (feat. D-12) [Eminem] Translation So you can suck my dick if you don't like, my shit Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick - ha ha! Two pills I pop, 'til my pupils swell up like two pennies I'm Clint Eastwood in his mid-twenties A young ass man with a trash can strapped to the back of his ass so the rats can't chew through his last pants I'm like a mummy at night, fightin with bright lightning Frightened with five little white Vicadin pills bitin him I'm like a fuckin wasp in the hospital lost Stingin the fuck outta everything I come across in the halls I light a candle and place it up on the mantle Grab a knife at the blade and stab you with the fuckin handle So when you find yourself wrapped up in the blinds, hurtin [Swifty] Bitch it's too late [Eminem] Cause once you're hung from the drapes, it's curtains [Swifty] I'm an instigator, .380 slug penetrator Degradin, creatin murders to kill haters Accused for every crime known through the equator They knew I did it (uh-huh) for havin blood on my 'gators My weed'll hit yo' chest like a double barrel gauge an' I'm a black grenade that'll blow up in yo' face [*BLAM*] With a fifth in me, when I guzzle Remi I do shit on purpose You never hear me say, "Forgive me" I'm snatchin every penny - it gotta be that way nigga, face it That weed I sold to you, Brigade laced it You hidin, I make the president get a facelift Niggaz just afraid, handin me they bracelets Chillin in the lab wasted I'm the type that'll drink Kahlua and gin - throw up on the mic Your life is ruined, you get socked right on site And even at the Million Man March, we gon' fight [Chorus: Eminem] So you can suck my dick if you don't like, my shit Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick Cause I don't give a fuck if you don't like, my shit Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick [Bizarre] I'm a compulsive liar, settin my preacher on fire Slashin your tires, flyin down Fenkel and Meyers Plates expired, soon as I'm hired, I'm fired Jackin my dick off in a bed of barbed wire (Hey, is Bizarre performing?) Bitch didn't you read the flyer? Special invited guest will be, Richard Pryor (Aren't you a male dancer?) Nah bitch, I'm retired Fuckin your bitch in the ass with a tire iron I'm ripped, I'm on an acid trip My DJ's in a coma for lettin the record skip.. [*needle pops*] Lettin the record skip.. [*needle pops*] Lettin the record skip.. [*needle pops*] (Damn!) [*DJ reverses the record and scratches it back on beat*] I'm fuckin anything when I'm snortin It's gonna cost 300 dollars to get my pit bull an abortion [*dog whines*] Some bitch asked for my autograph I called her a whore, spit beer in her face and laughed I drop bombs like I was in Vietnam All bitches is hoes, even my stinkin ass mom [Proof] Aiyyo flashback, two feets, two deep up in that ass crack Weed laced with somethin [*gun cocks*] nigga pass that In Amsterdam we only hang out with hash rats At a 'Stop the Violence' rally, I blast gats Be your mom on publishin, get your ASCAP-ped The Kuniva, divide up your cash stack Run your motherfuckin pockets, ASAP I don't need a platinum chain, bitch I snatch Shaq's Born loser, half theif and half black Bring your boys and your guns and get laughed at Bitch smacker, rich rappers get they Jag jacked and found chopped up in a trash bag [Kuniva] We stranglin rappers until the point they can't yell cause they crew is full of fags and sweeter than bake sales Reckless, come from behind and snatch your necklace Gruesome, and causin more violence than nine hoodlums I grapple your adam's apple until it crackle Run right past you, turn around, grab you and stab you Get executed, cuz I'm a "Luni" I got a "Yukmouth" and it's polluted I cock it back then shoot it I love snatchin up players thugs and young ballers Shoot up the household, even the young toddlers Brigade barricade to bring the noise While the bullets break your bones up like Christmas toys If I go solo, I'm doin a song with Bolo A big Chinese nigga, screamin "Kuniva yo yo.." I leave ya face leakin, run up in church and smack the preacher while he's preachin Take a swing at the deacon [Kon Artis] I used to tell cats I sold weed and weight I was straight 'til I got caught sellin em shake I'm ignorant, with the intent to snatch your rent I got kicked out of summer camp for havin sex in my tent with the superintendent's daughter, my brain's out of order I've been a Kon Artis since I was swimmin in water In cahoots with this nigga named Carlisle Von who got fired from UPS for tryin to send you a bomb (Special delivery!) I signed to a local label for fun Say I got cancer, get dropped, take the advancement and run Driveby you in the rain while you carry your son Call your house and hang up on you for not givin me none Born straight up out a pussy but a son of a gun Got a reputation for havin niggaz runnin they funds Used to be the type of nigga that was foldin some one's 'til I met your fat mama, now I'm rollin in dough [Chorus] [Eminem] Haha.. suck my motherfuckin dick D-12.. Dirty motherfuckin Dozen Nasty like a stank slut bitch with thirty fuckin husbands Bizarre kid Swifty McVeigh The Kon Artis The Kuniva Dirty Harry Haha, and Slim Shady.. |
donteatpoop |
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Apr 26, 2006 | |
| ChubbyTeletubby |
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Apr 21, 2006 | And everyone should get along.. Okay children quiet down, quiet down Children I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day His name is Mr. Shady Children quiet down please Brian don't throw that (SHUT UP!) Mr. Shady will be your new substitute while Mr. Kaniff is out with pneumonia (HE'S GOT AIDS!) Good luck Mr. Shady [Eminem] Hi there little boys and girls (FUCK YOU!) Today we're gonna to learn how to poison squirrels But first, I'd like you to meet my friend Bob (Huh?) Say hi Bob! ("Hi Bob") Bob's 30 and still lives with his mom and he don't got a job, cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot but his twelve-year old brother looks up to him an awful lot And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot and wait in the parkin lot for waitresses off the clock when it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping blocks (AHH!) And even if they escaped and they got the cops the ladies would all be so afraid, they would drop the charge 'til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job when she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk But Stacey knew it was Bob and said knock it off But Bob wouldn't knock it off cause he's crazy and off his rocker Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a "Dr." He grabbed Stace' by the legs as chopped it off her and dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander they never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana, and what it might do to you So see if the squirrels want any - it's bad for you [Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)] See children, drugs are bahhhd (c'mon) and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (ask him man) and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (that's right) She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will) So kids say no to drugs (that's right) So you don't act like everyone else does (uh-huh) Then there's really nothin else to say (sing along) Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay? [Eminem] My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it? FUCK NO you ain't seen it, it's the size of a peanut (Huh?) Speakin of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels? Ecstasy is the worst drug in the world If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it Kids two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid and spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back So don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in your back Meet Zach, twenty-one years old After hangin out with some friends at a frat party, he gets bold and decides to try five, when he's bribed by five guys and peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it Suddenly, he starts to convulse and his pulse goes into hyperdrive and his eyes roll back in his skull {*blblblblblb*} His back starts tah - look like the McDonald's Arches He's on Donald's carpet, layin horizontal barfin {*BLEH*} And everyone in the apartment starts laughin at him "Hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him!" cause they took it too, so they think it's funny So they're laughing at basically nothing except maybe wasting his money Meanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is over and his back and his shoulders hunched up like he's practicin yoga And that's the story of Zach, the ecstasy maniac So don't even feed that to squirrels class, cause it's bad for you [Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)] See children, drugs are bahhhd (that's right) and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (that's right) and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (you can) She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will) So kids say no to drugs (smoke crack) So you don't act like everyone else does (that's right) And there's really nothin else to say (but umm) Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay? [Eminem] And last but not least, one of the most humungous problems among young people today, is fungus It grows from cow manure, they pick it out, wipe it off, bag it up, and you put it right in your mouth and chew it Yum yum! Then you start to see some dumb stuff And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em.. And sometimes you see things that aren't there (Like what?) Like fat woman in G-strings with orange hair (Mr. Shady what's a G-string?) It's yarn Claire Women stick 'em up their behinds, go out and wear 'em (Huh?) And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms Whoops, did I say magic mushrooms? I meant fungus Ya tongue gets, all swoll up like a cow's tongue (How come?) cause it comes from a cow's dung (Gross!!) See drugs are bad, it's a common fact But your mom and dad, know that's all that I'm good at (Oh!) But don't be me, cause if you grow up and you go and O.D. They're gonna come for me and I'ma have to grow a goatee and get a disguise and hide, cause it'll be my fault So don't do drugs, and do exactly as I don't, cause I'm bad for you [Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)] See children, drugs are bahhhd (uh-huh) and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (put that down) and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (you can ask) She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (and she will) So kids say no to drugs (say no) So you don't act like everyone else does (like I do) And there's really nothin else to say (that's right) Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay? [Mr. Mackey] (Eric Cartman) Come on children, clap along (SHUT UP!) Sing along children (Suck my motherfuckin dick!) Drugs are just bad, drugs are just bad (South Park is gonna sue me!) So don't do drugs (Suck my motherfuckin penis!) so there'll be more for me (Hippie! God damnit!) (Mushrooms killed Kenny! *fart* Ewww, ahhh!) (So, fucked up, right now..) |
| sansevieria |
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Feb 27, 2006 | |
YazZMaN |
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Feb 6, 2006 | So kids so no to drugs, so you don't act like everyone else does. And there's really nothing else to say, drugs are just bad, mmmmkay? |
| michaelrayholt |
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Aug 8, 2005 | On the one hand, I'm in a fuck-it mood because I've been up for way longer than usual and my headache AND acid are coming back simultaneously. But on the other hand, I read EVERY DAMN ROOM of this story (something I normally only reserve for mine). Fuck it - I'll ten it. Oh, and how the hell did you find so many Eminem songs in a MIDI (I think that's what those are) format? Shit, I need some sleep. |
| donteatpoop |
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Jul 15, 2005 | |
jeffisthebest |
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Jul 11, 2005 | |
| YazZMaN |
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Jul 9, 2005 | |