Broken hunger

Written by poisonmara / PG: Parental Guidance Suggested /

(4)

Comments & Ratings

Author	Rating	Date	Comment
EndMaster		Nov 4, 2019	by EndMaster on Nov 4, 2019
ShoujoAddict		Nov 3, 2019	Okay, this story was a little nerve-wracking. First off I liked the sci-fi setting and that how humans decide to mutate themselves on purpose for survival. Pretty cool concept. Sadly I don't really think it was put to good use really... Let's start with characterization. First off, I'm still confused about who am I and what is my role in this story as a protagonist. The descriptions are extremely vague, and I was literally lost for a few seconds. Needless to say, this was a huge break from immersion completely. Also, speaking of immersion, the plot of the whole story was so confusing that I had to reread stuff again one more time to get who is doing what; from getting confused to where I am and what I'm doing, to seriously not knowing which choice had which result. I think honestly that this issue could be resolved if you focused a bit more on streamlining your story. Focusing on dishing out a huge number of words isn't important. Is a 90,000 word story where the reader can't comprehend the plot better, or a mere 12,000 word story, where the plot is at least comprehensible is? You decide. Coming to grammar. I know that you're an ESL, and believe me when I say this, but I can relate to how annoying tenses and its exceptions can get sometimes. For peeps like us, creative writing is like an uphill battle, because a few mistakes are always bound to happen. What I would suggest you is to keep reading. Opening a Wren and Martin and memorizing everything will seriously get you absolutely nowhere. The key point to improving English grammar is just through experience. Syntax and verb conjugations should come to you naturally and not be rote-memorized. If you simply mug-up all grammar, it results in it showing the way it has in your story. Overall, good attempt for the idea, but the execution could've been better. Write small, but write good. by ShoujoAddict on Nov 3, 2019
ERedMark		Oct 23, 2019	The story has Kitty and Octopus eating each others in Space . what more do you want ? ;) by ERedMark on Oct 23, 2019
Kaelyn		Oct 21, 2019	I already love this story. Can not wait until it is finished. It is unique and colorful and really leaves an impression. I had been really feeling bad for my char when I made her die by the wrong decisions. But the second time I got much farther. The story is deep and can lead to different endings by Kaelyn on Oct 21, 2019