Comments & Ratings
|I liked the use of money and experience etc. This was good even if it wasn't a slight rip off of Faridell(who'd ya rip that off then Fc huh.. :) ). The only downside is it's too much to write down if the story doesn't draw you in straight away. I read the first few bits and when it got to writing all that down, I thought forget it. Still it's your first story and I still congratulate you for converting an RPG into a CYOA.|
If this wasn't your first story, 5.5|
Much to say:
You had a few typos, but I don't care about that, but I do care about grammar, and it was pretty bad.
Also, if you're going to write a "stat story," you're going to need way more than 20 rooms. I assume you will improve on this, however.
Most importantly, all the action happened way too fast. You didn't explain the combat well. I want some descriptions!!!
I look forward o Breath of Fire 2.