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Prophecies of Dunbar: The Last Saints

Written by jeffisthebest / PG: Parental Guidance Suggested /

(4)

Comments & Ratings

Author	Rating	Date	Comment
Vesnicie		Jun 3, 2007	I wish you'd done more to give background right away about the history between the Last Saints and the Aratics. I also think the story is too heavy on dialog and too light on any meaningful description or nuance. In addition, some of the writing is just laborious to get through. However, it does hold together more or less and demonstrates a fairly developed concept and execution. by Vesnicie on Jun 3, 2007
Usoki		Jul 8, 2006	Well, you don't have any blaring grammatical errors, and the story actually has a plot. (It's sad that I can't take having a plot for granted, what with all the idiots that run amok around here.) It's a very intriguing plotline, though perhaps background information on the religions would have made it seem more real. It would also allow the reader to expect death when he disobeys an Aratic command. That's the problem with this work, really. It doesn't seem real. The entire piece is a string of "you do this, you do that, you do this". Every now and then, a scarse detail presents itself, but for the most part, it's pathetic. The torture of Leon is only two sentences. You gain thirty followers in a scant paragraph. Yenbrow switches sides after a sentence. And, my favorite sentence, "You kill Gebassa." We don't even get details; a saint tells you to do it before he initiates you, so you do. This story is only a frame for something that could be better. by Usoki on Jul 8, 2006
ChubbyTeletubby		Apr 9, 2006	The first room is weak and does not grab the reader's attnetion. That being said. I loved it, homer...er, I mean Jeff. It was great! I'm glad I kept going past that first room. The rest of the rooms are short, but well-worded and fun. I love all of the mini-quests. I can't believe I never read this one before. Perhaps it was because most of the stories classified under 'Fantasy' usually bore me to death. Not this one. Nicely done. MORE PEOPLE NEED TO READ THIS AND RATE IT! The reason I give it a 10 is because it took me by surprise (how superb a job you did) and also for the fact that more people haven't read or rated it. A 10 may be a little high, but so am I. Haha, just kidding. by ChubbyTeletubby on Apr 9, 2006
retlin		Feb 7, 2005	pretty good story line. However, there should be more than 2 or three choices per room. Also, you should say who the people are and fix your gramatical and spelling errors. This would make the story better in my opinion. Good job and keep the stories coming out. by retlin on Feb 7, 2005