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The Item

Written by jeffisthebest / R: Restricted - Adult /

(12)

Comments & Ratings

Author	Rating	Date	Comment
Thickskullman		May 17, 2013	Not bad. by Thickskullman on May 17, 2013
YaoiBloodhound		Apr 20, 2013	I actually don't feel bad about killing the girls at all. Too bad my character did by YaoiBloodhound on Apr 20, 2013
TheCandyMan		Jul 24, 2011	Incredible. The writing style is justp perfect for this kind of story. But then after the next few pages as the other writers below me have said, everything just happens too fast. But, great points have been made. This is one of the best of your stories, Jeff, despite the spelling mistakes, this deserves an eight. by TheCandyMan on Jul 24, 2011
titus337		Nov 9, 2010	reminds me of an old anime called 'the scrapped princess' by titus337 on Nov 9, 2010
Calen		May 3, 2007	It is a somewhat good story, but you don't ever find out more about the 'item' besides the fact that it is a girl, there are too many plot holes, and very few endings are satisfying. The story needs to be developed a lot more. by Calen on May 3, 2007
michaelrayholt		Aug 8, 2005	Wacky... and remarkably well-written with few spelling errors. Disliked: 1) that you don't find out more about yourself, and 2) that killing the girl inevitably seems to lead toward your own insanity. Can't a protagonist just be EVIL anymore? by michaelrayholt on Aug 8, 2005
YazZMaN		Jun 21, 2005	My impression on this story was the writing is excellent, couldn't be better. You did an great job with descriptions and I also really enjoyed how you are thrown right into the story, yet it dosn't take you long to uncover everything you need to know about the plot. The idea for "the item" was also quite unique and interesting. The negative things about this story are that after the first two or so rooms the rest of the rooms became short and I did get bored with them. Also time passed to quickly for me to get to know the characters even somewhat... particularly myself and the item. An example is how many months pass by in a few sentences when you take the item into the wilderness. Overall, this story probably makes you the single most improved writer on this website but I think it needs more time. by YazZMaN on Jun 21, 2005
donteatpoop		Jun 13, 2005	The best story I've read from you. Very well done. I would have liked to see how the item would have destroyed everything though. by donteatpoop on Jun 13, 2005
ChubbyTeletubby		Feb 24, 2005	by ChubbyTeletubby on Feb 24, 2005
NCPolice55571		Feb 12, 2005	"Her blonde hair cascades off her head to the floor like water on rock." All I can say is Excellent! I cant believe after comparing this to your very first story what a difference all I can say is Wow, I'm stunned. Major, major, improvements. Simply an example of your best writing! Please dont stop, cant wait to read more. A well deserved 10! To bad the rating doesnt go higher. by NCPolice55571 on Feb 12, 2005
CelticFrostQueen		Jan 15, 2005	WOW!!!! What a powerful story, and I only read a few pages. I honestly have to say that you are definitely one of the best, if not THE best, writers in this group. I am very highly impressed. I'm a mediocre writer at best, but I am an expert reader, and you are damn GOOD! by CelticFrostQueen on Jan 15, 2005
MiniCorr		Jan 9, 2005	This was really good. You had some real "good vs. evil" emotions worked into there. Keep it up! by MiniCorr on Jan 9, 2005