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Puppetmaster

Written by Nalan / NR: Not Rated /

(7)

Comments & Ratings

Author	Rating	Date	Comment
yeaimthatdude		Oct 14, 2009	by yeaimthatdude on Oct 14, 2009
apotheosis		Sep 19, 2006	First of all very nice job. Here are the positives and negatives of your work. Positives: A very unique and original plotline. You have a interesting out of the box fantasy that I actually found interesting. Also, you used images which I think are not used nearly enough on infinite story. Your pages were long and had some real content to them. You also avoided branching off to much to quickly which is a mistake many novice writers make. Negatives: It was unfinished : ( . I cannot take off for this mainly because most stories on this site are unfinished though I would like to see you continue with it and finish the story. There were a few small grammatical errors and some places where some story mechanics and structure could be improved upon. Overall I really liked it and think it deserves either a 9 or a 10. Usoki mentioned that it seems like you were making it up as you go along, but I have to say that I think if you did do it this way you did it well enough so that it makes the story more interesting. You don't know where the plot is going next which is always cool. Also, you mentioned math being a nightmare and I can relate because I just drop AP calculus today to reduce stress. I think I'll give it a 10 because of all this. Keep up the good work. by apotheosis on Sep 19, 2006
Usoki		Jul 8, 2006	This is very good. Few grammatical errors, a well thought-out plot... ...Though I get the feeling you don't know where this story is going. I have no idea what the connection is between the painting and the dreamworld, other than the fact that the puppetmaster is in the dreamworld. In fact, if the puppetmaster was some sort of random villain, we could nix the painting from the plot entirely! When you compare the story's beginning with the 'first trial' and 'Ilecus' branches which you haven't finished yet, they're entirely different. It's like you're making this up as you go. There's nothing wrong with doing it this way, but at some point you've got to fit your ideas into the existing story, instead of stretching the story for some random idea you had. by Usoki on Jul 8, 2006
ChubbyTeletubby		Apr 11, 2006	Well done! You're obviously no novice. This story kept me intrigued from the moment I started reading until point I came to an option that hadn't yet been extended, which was honestly VERY disappointing. Please finish this masterfully crafted story! It would be a TRAVESTY if it met the fate of so many other stories on this site and was not finished. Anyway, well done! by ChubbyTeletubby on Apr 11, 2006
jeffisthebest		Nov 26, 2005	Quite exceptional! This story has great detail, good action, and best of all an almost perfect pace. Great job Nalan, and this was only your first. I'm betting your next will be a solid 10. by jeffisthebest on Nov 26, 2005
michaelrayholt		Aug 8, 2005	A well-written story, despite the spelling errors. One question, though: Wolves have lips? by michaelrayholt on Aug 8, 2005
donteatpoop		Aug 7, 2005	Well written, good description, good character development. Try seperating your paragraphs though, it will make it easier to read. Very nice job. by donteatpoop on Aug 7, 2005