The Starr

Written by Liv2004 / PG: Parental Guidance Suggested /

(3)

Comments & Ratings

Author	Rating	Date	Comment
TeyaStorm		Mar 14, 2017	It is a good story but, it loops you back to the beginning over and over again. by TeyaStorm on Mar 14, 2017
joke12345		Mar 14, 2017	To sum it up the paragraphs the very long and detailed. Nice use of idioms. Very nice ending (the one of when she kills you and then its a dream). Some minor lowercase and uppercase errors (capitalzing for beginning of sentences). A little confusing about what is going on but not that bad. by joke12345 on Mar 14, 2017
joke12345		Mar 14, 2017	Story is good, some proofreading issues though like lowercase when at beginning of a sentence, not much proofreading issues, nice idioms (You ask hesitantly, Ky still seems a bit on edge.), "All right Nicole, why don't you come with me to get something to eat." You realize you are very hungry, even though you have no idea what time it is. So, you follow Ky through the door to the meeting room and back into the hallway. Now that you think about it the hallways look very much like hallways would look in a school. They are long hallways, with tile flooring, and identical doors leading into different rooms that you have never seen before. Ky finally leads you into a room with a small kitchen in the corner. There are tables in the center of the room, all empty. "So what would you like to eat?" Ky asks, walking over to the far corner of the room, where the kitchen is. This is the first time she has talked to you since you left the meeting room. "I don't know, What time is it?" you ask. She whips around, her attitude changing drastically. you are just waiting for her to answer or say something, but before you realize what is happening, she grabs one of the knives from a drawer behind her and stabs it into your stomach. You jolt from surprise waking you from your dream. End Of Story, THE STORY IS AMAZING FROM THAT ENDING ABOVE, THE TWIST THAT KY WAS EVIL AND SHE KILLED YOU WAS AWESOME, BUT THEN IT WAS ALL A DREAM THAT WAS AWESOME. by joke12345 on Mar 14, 2017
aidenj		Mar 14, 2017	very good ending. not many spelling errors. Very long and descriptive paragraphs.better than any of my stories by aidenj on Mar 14, 2017
aidenj		Mar 14, 2017	pretty straight forward by aidenj on Mar 14, 2017