Hall of Infinite Doors

I was making love to one of my bitches
She had recent surgery and I tore out the stitches
She cried out in great pain
you'd think she was being screwed by a Great Dane

After I was done
I whipped out my gun
I shot her in the mouth
She said baby go down south

I said not now you little tramp
It's almost time for summer camp
She threw a pillow at me
I went to the rest room cuz I had to pee

I took a monstrous whiz
Threw away my condom full of jiz
Last night I had gotten lucky
Even got a little sucky

But now the tramp won't leave
So I ran her through with a sieve
The hoe bled to death real fast
But now that's a thing of the past

I buried that bitch's corpse
Before it stank and began to warps
I did it in my backyard
She was wearing a pink leotard

I dug the hole real deep
So her body the earth could keep
Now I'm talking like yoda
I better go drink a soda

*opens a can of soda*
*drinks*

Ahhh that feels so much better
I think I'll go right a letter
Oh shit that bitch is still dead
I forgot to finish burying her head

I walk back to the ditch
But her head is being eaten by a bitch
And now I'm referring to the female dog
Sorry for any confusion make a log

So I drop kick that dog into a spike
Attached to the head of a pike
The dog coughed up blood
All over the mud

I grabbed that bitches head
Put it between two slices of bread
I added some apricot jelly
Even though the bitch was smelly

Then I added some pickles
But I was all out of nickels
So I added some grass
That I dug out of my ass

And by ass I mean donkey
Yes I do own a donkey
Stop being such a honkey
There is no such word as quonkey

So the grass was added on
Not the type you put in a bong
The type you find in your lawn
Damn I'm getting tired of this song

So I add a little bit of hot sauce
And some chocolate that I toss
Then a couple lemons
And all the warm colored crayons

Now my sandwich was complete
And almost ready to eat
I put it in the micro wave
Think of all the money I save

Switching to Gieko
I'm a mother fucking psycho
I set it for some time
Oh yeah I can still rhyme

After the time passes
I put on my sun glasses
I remove my meal
Then I club a baby seal
I ate that bitches head
Enough has been said
She now decapitated
It's sick if you and your wife are fraternally related

Now that the evidence is gone
I can continue with this song
I went back up to my bed
And I found a gay man named Jed

He said would you like to fudge pack
I said let me get my nap sack
I whip out a gun and attack
I shoot him and throw him into a sack

I auction his body on eBay
And then I ordered a hawain lay
In his description I said dead gay man
It was ordered by Ann Ran

I had buy it now for 10 bucks
Boy that price really sucks
I should've asked for more
I should hit my head with a door

But then I would be sore
And get blood on the floor
So I went to some porn site
Got into a web cam fight

With a shemale named ed
Where do you think this led?
Straight to me making vomit
It shot out like a comet

That chick had a penis
Looser than my wenis
It was really scary
And pretty hairy

But she had a nice rack
Even though she had a sack
I threw out my computer
I went and bought some pewter

Now I'm walking down the street
And I eat some bread of wheat
It was pretty neat
Until a kid kicked me with a cleat

I popped a cap in his face
It was a major disgrace
Then I strangled him with his own shoe lace
That's it I rest my case

I am one badass killer
I should be in thriller
This rap is a chiller
Now I'll drink a miller

Not miller light
That stuff is like a kite
Not for us of the night
Who drink out of spite

Then drive cars with great speed
Never getting them keyed
We like to hit old ladies
And then steal their Mercedes

I'm just a crazy pimp
My wang is never limp
I like to eat meat
I can dance to the beat

So back to my story
Now it gets more gory
I'm walking down the road
I step on a toad

I make it to the crack house
I creep as quite as a mouse
I bust out my gat
My sure it's got bullets and all that

I sneak up to the window
Keeping my head very low
I peek inside
And I see a whole gansta pride

This is my rival gang
The clan of the woo tang
I kick in the door
And say, bitches I'm back for more!

A gat in each hand
And money I demand
I'm the tough guy
But I enjoy apple pie

They bust out their guns
But I shot them in the lungs
They all suffocate
Death is their fate

I fuck all their hoes
Cut off their babies toes
String them into a necklace
I try to be extra reckless

I torch the crack house as I go
This is purely just for show
When all was said in done
I had a hell of a lot of fun

20 ganstas dead
All bloody red
24 hoes worn out
I hope I didn't catch gout

All their crack babies have no toes
Lucky for them I didn't want the nose
They will come back for me when they grow up
And all be like, Hey bitches, sup

They will try to kill me
Like the waiter tried to bill me
But then they will see
I'm the holy trinity

You can't stop god
His got a really big rod
I'm the pimp deity
But seriously

I can rap forever
So long as I pull the lever
It is a great endeavor
But at least my names not heather

Cuz that is a name for a girl
Ain't I don't wear a necklace with a pearl
That makes me want to hurl
More than when I twirl

Anyway how about another story
Or you can go watch Maury
Once I got a dog
I was driving in a fog

And this animal ran into my car
It looked like it had traveled far
So I let the dog stay with me
And I named the little guy flea

So I had a dog now
Better than a cow or sow
It turned out to be a German Shepard
It was bigger than a wild leopard

I had it eat my enemies
While I visited various reliquaries
One day my dog got hit by a tank
As it was running down the bank

It was a us army tank
It decided to give my dog a spank
With its metal body that weighed many tons
My little doggy will now never have any sons

This tank turned him into a road pizza
And I was like "OH JEEZA"
I was really pissed at the tank
For hitting my dog in the flank

So I took out my rocket propelled grenade
And sang it a deadly serenade
I blew that tank into the sky
I knew the driver was gonna die

Then the rest of the army attacked my house
They killed my bitches and my spouse
I became very mad
Much more so than I was sad

So I joined forces with the USSR
I got their in my flying car
I helped lead a communist invasion of the united states
I sealed all those capitalist mother fuckers fates

I helped them conquer the land
Through snow ice forest water and sand
But then the soviet traitors turned on me
They said, you are to strong we can't let you be

They sent assassins to frag my ass
But I was out fishing for a bass
When I found out what they were trying to do
I made a nuclear device that looked like a shoe

I replicated this bomb a million times
Then I ate a pile of limes
I declared war on the communist empire
I then cut their telegram wire

Soon I had annihilated my new enemy
And I set everyone they controlled free
Now people lived in tee pees
No more pipes to leaky-z

They now live of the land with no more technology
And they sit around all day reading from an anthology
Then aliens came and invaded our planet
We said hey why don't you fight the jacksons led by Janet

The aliens agreed to this great challenge
And their was a battle was not just a binge
It lasted for a long while and blood flew everywhere
Even in my new bitches hair

Soon all of the Jackson where dead
Except Michael who had the aliens son in bed
The aliens son soon caught aids
And spread it around having sex with alien maids

Soon all the aliens caught the std
It was like they were stung by a killer bee
They all died and earth was finally free
So I founded arbor day and we all hugged a tree

I don't feel like rapping anymore
Now I'm gonna go get laid until my dick feels sore
I'll bang ever goddamn whore
And then when I am done they will ask for more

So take care ya'll and give me money
Even if you thought this rap was really funny
Crusty white boys are the bomb
Better than your mom

Also eat Twinkies
Instead of rat pinkies
It will be worth while
They never go out of style

God ain't real
So eat your damn meal
And stop praying to a fake
It's like pissing in a lake

I'm now stop rapping
So long as you stop crapping
In my lawn you dirty bum
And hummingbirds like to hum

This rap is making less and less sense
Maybe I should go to England and fence
Paper is made from wood
Sending me money is good

Alright now I better stop
Before you call a cop
I know how to rhyme
This and every other time

Peace out