The History Paper
The two of you were dragged into a large room. You blinked, uncomfortable with how bright it was. You took in the space around you. The floors were a dark hardwood and there was an exceptionally tall ceiling. Lining the walls were huge windows, perfectly cleaned, that let in a lot of light and provided a nice view of a modern city you couldn’t identify. There were streets sprawled between densely packed buildings and what looked to be bluish forests. Centered in the city, however, was something of a castle. You could see the property it was on extended much farther than anything else did. There looked to be a beautifully tended garden consuming most of the estate. You couldn’t make out what types of things were growing, but there was a lot of green.
“Hello, welcome to the Un—” A familiar voice started, sounding bored. Catching your attention, you turned back to the room. “Oh, dammit. Really it’s you morons.” Luna sat at a large desk and pinched the bridge of her nose. She was wearing the same dress she was when you first met her, but her hair was delicately braided and pulled up, off her face. “What’re you doing here? Hmm? I saw you like 3 hours ago. Did you really die already?” She paused, but everyone in the room seemed to understand she was nowhere near done. “I swear, all of you humans are incompetent monkeys. I couldn’t tell you how on Olympus Aristotle came to the ‘conclusion’ you were ‘rational animals.’” She rolled her eyes and you shifted uncomfortably. “Plato believed you guys had any semblance of rationality?” She was standing at this point, her hands pressed palm-down against the desk, and leaning forward slightly.
“Madame,” one of the guards began.
She cut him off. “Get out, Theodore." She pointed to the door. Theodore let go of Chase and whispered something you couldn’t make out (but could tell was funny by the way to the meathead holding onto you laughed), before bowing, turning curtly, and leaving. “Tripartite soul,” she mocked, “you humans are lucky if you even have the appetitive and spirited aspects!” This rambling continued for quite some time before Luna had apparently gotten it all out of her system. She sat down as if nothing had happened, running her hands along her dress to smoothen it. “Now, back to business. John, please.”
You glanced at Chase and he gave you a look you instantly understood: this lady is terrifyingly unstable.
“Well, Madame,” the man holding onto you, John apparently, said, “These two, were found in the hallway with The Elevator.”
She sat forward, her elbows resting on the desk. “Really?”
“Yes, Ma’am.” John shifted, clearly just as uncomfortable as you and Chase were. “They got past the pit and, as far as we can tell, are not dead.”
Intrigued, she smiled. “Guards, you can leave. Uncuff them before you go.”
“Are you sure?”
“I think I can handle some measly humans.” She shooed them out with a dismissive wave. When John uncuffed you, you stretched your wrists and rubbed the marks they left. “Do you know where you are?” She asked, tilting her head.
“No, but I’m over it,” Chase muttered.
“Yes, me too, human.” She stood and came to stand at the front of her desk. She narrowed her eyes. “So, you really aren’t dead?”
“Not as far as I know, Ma’am,” you said quietly.
She laughed. “Not being called ‘lady’ anymore?” Your eyebrows furrowed. Unsure of how to answer so as not to be yelled at, you opened and closed your mouth a few times. “Oh, honey, don’t do that. It’s not very becoming.” You felt like, even if given all the time in the world, you would never recover from the whiplash having a single conversation with her was giving you.
Chase redirected the conversation back to getting some questions answered. “So, Madame, where exactly are we?”
“The Underworld,” she said as if it was obvious. “The real question is why aren’t you dead?”
You sighed, knowing in your heart you never should have gone out. “Let me tell you, my Intro to Metaphysics class did not prepare me to ever hear those words.”
“Yes, well, I never thought I’d be speaking to humans in my courtroom without deciding whether they were being damned or not.”
Chase asked the question you both wanted an answer to and desperately did not: “who are you?”
She smirked. “Thanatos, god of death.” She tilted her head again – something you found surprisingly intimidating. “But I prefer Luna -- much prettier ring to it.”
You closed your eyes, sighed and nodded defeated. You were handling things quite well considering you were speaking with the literal god of death. “Of course you are, because why wouldn’t you be.”
“I thought Thanatos was a guy?” Chase perked up. Surprised he knew about Greek mythology you looked at him confused.
“Well, I am very clearly not, so your – human, I presume – source of information is wrong.”
Chase just nodded. “Can you send us back?”
“Why should I?”
You considered how to handle the situation.
“Hello, welcome to the Un—” A familiar voice started, sounding bored. Catching your attention, you turned back to the room. “Oh, dammit. Really it’s you morons.” Luna sat at a large desk and pinched the bridge of her nose. She was wearing the same dress she was when you first met her, but her hair was delicately braided and pulled up, off her face. “What’re you doing here? Hmm? I saw you like 3 hours ago. Did you really die already?” She paused, but everyone in the room seemed to understand she was nowhere near done. “I swear, all of you humans are incompetent monkeys. I couldn’t tell you how on Olympus Aristotle came to the ‘conclusion’ you were ‘rational animals.’” She rolled her eyes and you shifted uncomfortably. “Plato believed you guys had any semblance of rationality?” She was standing at this point, her hands pressed palm-down against the desk, and leaning forward slightly.
“Madame,” one of the guards began.
She cut him off. “Get out, Theodore." She pointed to the door. Theodore let go of Chase and whispered something you couldn’t make out (but could tell was funny by the way to the meathead holding onto you laughed), before bowing, turning curtly, and leaving. “Tripartite soul,” she mocked, “you humans are lucky if you even have the appetitive and spirited aspects!” This rambling continued for quite some time before Luna had apparently gotten it all out of her system. She sat down as if nothing had happened, running her hands along her dress to smoothen it. “Now, back to business. John, please.”
You glanced at Chase and he gave you a look you instantly understood: this lady is terrifyingly unstable.
“Well, Madame,” the man holding onto you, John apparently, said, “These two, were found in the hallway with The Elevator.”
She sat forward, her elbows resting on the desk. “Really?”
“Yes, Ma’am.” John shifted, clearly just as uncomfortable as you and Chase were. “They got past the pit and, as far as we can tell, are not dead.”
Intrigued, she smiled. “Guards, you can leave. Uncuff them before you go.”
“Are you sure?”
“I think I can handle some measly humans.” She shooed them out with a dismissive wave. When John uncuffed you, you stretched your wrists and rubbed the marks they left. “Do you know where you are?” She asked, tilting her head.
“No, but I’m over it,” Chase muttered.
“Yes, me too, human.” She stood and came to stand at the front of her desk. She narrowed her eyes. “So, you really aren’t dead?”
“Not as far as I know, Ma’am,” you said quietly.
She laughed. “Not being called ‘lady’ anymore?” Your eyebrows furrowed. Unsure of how to answer so as not to be yelled at, you opened and closed your mouth a few times. “Oh, honey, don’t do that. It’s not very becoming.” You felt like, even if given all the time in the world, you would never recover from the whiplash having a single conversation with her was giving you.
Chase redirected the conversation back to getting some questions answered. “So, Madame, where exactly are we?”
“The Underworld,” she said as if it was obvious. “The real question is why aren’t you dead?”
You sighed, knowing in your heart you never should have gone out. “Let me tell you, my Intro to Metaphysics class did not prepare me to ever hear those words.”
“Yes, well, I never thought I’d be speaking to humans in my courtroom without deciding whether they were being damned or not.”
Chase asked the question you both wanted an answer to and desperately did not: “who are you?”
She smirked. “Thanatos, god of death.” She tilted her head again – something you found surprisingly intimidating. “But I prefer Luna -- much prettier ring to it.”
You closed your eyes, sighed and nodded defeated. You were handling things quite well considering you were speaking with the literal god of death. “Of course you are, because why wouldn’t you be.”
“I thought Thanatos was a guy?” Chase perked up. Surprised he knew about Greek mythology you looked at him confused.
“Well, I am very clearly not, so your – human, I presume – source of information is wrong.”
Chase just nodded. “Can you send us back?”
“Why should I?”
You considered how to handle the situation.