Mr. Wiggles Big Adventures (Not a Childrens Story)
The Chinese salesclerk behind the counter is haggling with a haggardly old black man over a bottle of cheap whiskey. "You no have five more cents, too bad!" the clerk informs the old dunk. "Come back when have five cents!" The drunk storms out of the store muttering something about 'Stupid, slanty-eyed bastards'..."
Mr. Wiggles, meanwhile, is like a kid in a candy shop as he roams the aisles of the store in blissful stupor. His eyes glaze over in giddy delight as he thinks about how shit-faced he's going to get. "I don't know," you remark warily. "Don't you think it's a little early to be getting drunk, anyway?" Mr. Wiggles yawns. "Don't worry, boys and girls," he says, brushing off your misgivings like he always does. "It's never too early to start the party. Uha, uha, uha."
Mr. Wiggles finally decides upon the biggest bottle of vodka the store carries. He hands it over to you with an obnoxious wink and ushers you toward the register. And once again, you're left with the bill. Damn that incorrigible Mr. Wiggles! How does he do it!? How does he get away with what he gets away with!?
"That twenty dollar," the salesclerk announces, gesturing at the bottle in your hands. You sigh and fork over the loot. "Now where should we get drunk?" Mr Wiggles wonders aloud as the two of you exit the store. "Oh! I know! Let's go..."
Mr. Wiggles, meanwhile, is like a kid in a candy shop as he roams the aisles of the store in blissful stupor. His eyes glaze over in giddy delight as he thinks about how shit-faced he's going to get. "I don't know," you remark warily. "Don't you think it's a little early to be getting drunk, anyway?" Mr. Wiggles yawns. "Don't worry, boys and girls," he says, brushing off your misgivings like he always does. "It's never too early to start the party. Uha, uha, uha."
Mr. Wiggles finally decides upon the biggest bottle of vodka the store carries. He hands it over to you with an obnoxious wink and ushers you toward the register. And once again, you're left with the bill. Damn that incorrigible Mr. Wiggles! How does he do it!? How does he get away with what he gets away with!?
"That twenty dollar," the salesclerk announces, gesturing at the bottle in your hands. You sigh and fork over the loot. "Now where should we get drunk?" Mr Wiggles wonders aloud as the two of you exit the store. "Oh! I know! Let's go..."