Mr. Wiggles Big Adventures (Not a Childrens Story)

You immerse yourself in an out-of-date issue of Pimps and Hos, Weekly a locally publish magazine. Someone left it on the floor. That and a dirty syringe used for heroin injection. Oh, and also a 9mm handgun. And oddly enough, a human head. Anyway, 100% of the magazine's proceeds go the United Crack Dealers Foundation, a truly worthy cause. You flip through the hallowed pages in search of an interesting article, and finally choose the one entitled...