Location: Nowhere
This is the first screenplay in the Blossumdale Trilogy. I wrote this when I was still in Highschool, but I've gone through and edited it once since then. I'm still not 100% on it though, it seems to me like I overplayed a few things and underplayed others.
I fully intend on touching the fuck up out of it, so feel free to drop suggestions on me.
I may be being overly critical of this, because it's pretty much the first screen play I wrote that I took seriously, but I think the dialogue seems forced in several scenes. I also found myself, as I read through it, actually liking the antagonist (Steve). With the exception of his monologue in Act2Scene1, he seems like an alright guy. I did this intentionally, because I didn't want the stereotype of a racist in here; I wanted to show that even though racism is ugly many racists bastards can be rather charistmatic. I think I overplayed his appeal, however. Also, Frank (though a minor character) seems aloof, whereas in the other play I used him in (where he was much younger) he seemed much more grounded despite the circumstances.
Also... Just damn. So many inplausabilities ,like a restaurant owner giving the okay to a bunch of underage kids drinking on his property where he would obviously be liable. I'll have to rewrite that whole act.
Actually, I'm probably going to do some pretty heavy rewriting on this.
I still like Squige and Mikey the best, and enjoy Gary and Lisa as "straight" characters; however there are several bits of dialogue that they give which needs some serious adjustments.
Oh well, what do I expect? I wrote this shit almost 12 years ago. Damn, I'm getting old.
I fully intend on touching the fuck up out of it, so feel free to drop suggestions on me.
I may be being overly critical of this, because it's pretty much the first screen play I wrote that I took seriously, but I think the dialogue seems forced in several scenes. I also found myself, as I read through it, actually liking the antagonist (Steve). With the exception of his monologue in Act2Scene1, he seems like an alright guy. I did this intentionally, because I didn't want the stereotype of a racist in here; I wanted to show that even though racism is ugly many racists bastards can be rather charistmatic. I think I overplayed his appeal, however. Also, Frank (though a minor character) seems aloof, whereas in the other play I used him in (where he was much younger) he seemed much more grounded despite the circumstances.
Also... Just damn. So many inplausabilities ,like a restaurant owner giving the okay to a bunch of underage kids drinking on his property where he would obviously be liable. I'll have to rewrite that whole act.
Actually, I'm probably going to do some pretty heavy rewriting on this.
I still like Squige and Mikey the best, and enjoy Gary and Lisa as "straight" characters; however there are several bits of dialogue that they give which needs some serious adjustments.
Oh well, what do I expect? I wrote this shit almost 12 years ago. Damn, I'm getting old.