Highway Star
Act 1 scene 3
Tim stands on the side of the road near a liquor store, alone. He holds a Styrofoam cup which contains random bits of loose change and a few dollar bills. A car stops and the driver rolls the window down part way, waving a bill in the air, which Tim goes over and grabs. As he walks back from the car he talks to himself.
Tim:
This is it. This is the fucking life. Making ends meet by whatever means necessary. When rational thoughts become second to the instinct of survival.. (He has returned to where he was originally standing. He continues to speak to himself.) This is so much more exciting than back in Blossumdale. The city is so dull. The only person I remotely miss is my ex girl, Vicky. (He stands around for a while. He pulls out a cigarette and lights it up.) But that relationship was going nowhere, really. She'd bitch about everything. Stupid shit that didn't even matter. She'd be all like; "You forgot my birthday." and "Who was that girl you we tonguing?!" Then she'd start bitching about random hypothetical arguments... and shit. And how I don't pay attention... and... "You gave my cat acid!?", which by the way I don't recommend. Anyway, she bitched about all kinds of random shit. I don't know too much about it though. I wasn't really listening to the particulars of exactly what was going down.(Phill enters from the liquor store. He walks up to Tim, who laughs momentarily and shakes his head.)
Phill:
I can't believe you're actually doing this.
Tim:
Yeah? Believe it. What'd you get?
Phill:
Jack D and a twelve of blue ribbon.
Tim:
Blue Ribbon?!
Phill:
Hey, it's all we can afford.
Tim:
What the fuck did you get blue ribbon for?! You might as well have gotten us root- beer!
Phill:
For the same reason you're standing out here, posing as a needy person. We have no money. And by the way, you look like a jackass.
Tim:
Thanks. You look nice too.
Phill:
How much money did you make on your clever little scheme here anyway?
Tim:
About fifteen bucks. (A car can be seen backing out of a parking spot and eventually heading toward the scene.) Quick, Phill, flip me a bill.
Phill:
Why's that?
Tim:
It's good for business.
Phill:
No way, I'm not giving you any money. (the car has almost reached them.)
Tim:
Come on, man, hand me some cash, you son of a bitch.
Phill:
Man, I hope that's not the pitch you're offering these people. (gets out his wallet and hands Tim a bill.) Here. (Tim takes it)
Tim:
A fucking dollar?! Is that the best you could do? What the fuck am I supposed to do with a dollar?
Phill:
Just shut up and do your job, Tim. You have a customer. (The car has reached them and the driver waves a bill in the air. Tim jogs over to the car, converses momentarily with the person, takes the money and returns to Phill, beaming.)
Tim:
Phat. That's the best donation I've had yet.
Phill:
What's that?
Tim:
Twenty dollars. That's like thirty-five dollars for twenty minutes worth of work... Sorry, thirty-six, I had forgotten your massive contribution.
Phill:
(Sarcastically) Impressive. We should do this more often.
Tim:
You're damn right we should. You should grab a money cup too.
Phill:
Come on. Lets go.
Tim:
There is still money left to be made, my friend.
Phill:
You made your thirty-five bucks. Now we have to get our shit and check out.
Tim:
But-
Phill:
Come on. You're done robbing from the poor today.
Tim:
Damn. Why are you such an asshole today?
Phill:
No sleep.
Tim:
Funny. You would think that the asshole with the bed and the blankets would be have slept the easiest.
Phill:
Fuck you.
Tim:
Don't get all pissy with me. It's not my fault you couldn't sleep.
Phill:
Actually, Tim, it is.
Tim:
How do you figure?
Phill:
If you didn't crank the heat up all night...
Tim:
If I would have had a blanket, I wouldn't have had to. Besides, it wasn't that hot.
Phill:
I had to wring the sweat out of my boxers.
Tim:
Yeah? Well you constantly bitching about how hot it was wasn't exactly making my life more peaceful. (Silence)
Phill:
I'm going to go get the my shit from the room. Are you coming to grab your crap? Or are you going to stay out here and play a reverse robin hood?
Tim:
I'm staying here. Partly for the money. Mostly to bring an end to your bitching.
Phill:
My bitching?!
Tim:
Yes your bitching. All you do is bitch, Phill. "You're stealing from the needy." 'The heat was up to high for me to sleep." "You threw me in front of a car!"
Phill:
Don't even get me started on that one.
Tim:
Fuck. I don't even know why I brought it up. God knows you'll be whining about your "near death experience" for the next ten hours.
Phill:
You know what? I'm leaving. Don't forget to grab your shit, we still have to get a ride for the day.
Tim:
Yeah. See ya. (Turns around and approaches the corner where he stood earlier. Phill walks away. Tim turns and calls out to him.)
Tim:
Hey grab my duffel bag while you're in there! (Phill stops and hollers back)
Phill:
Fuck you. (Continues on his way. Show overhead view of Tim waiting for traffic and he begins to sing "Goin to California" by Led Zeppelin. The music overtakes his voice and he peddles a few cars that stop during this brief musical interlude.)
(During the interlude of music, we join them on a few of the crazy rides they got. Some truck pulls up with an old man in a cowboy hat.)
Man:
You boys need a ride? (Tim and Phill look at one another and shrug)
Phill & Tim:
Yeah.
Man:
All right. But I gotta warn you, I don't stop for anything. If you need to piss, do it now. (Phill and Tim climb in. Flash a few minutes into the future, the old man pulls an empty water bottle out from beneath his seat. We see his hand and bottle go beneath the cameras view and hear a zipper go down. Only about a second passes before we hear him pissing into bottle. Phill, in the middle of Tim and Man, glances over at the odd sound and immediately turns away, covering his eyes.)
Phill:
Oh God!
Man:
Impressive, eh? (Phill and Tim exchange worried glances. The man is done pissing soon, and we hear him zip his pants back up. Tim leans forward and looks over to the man.)
Tim:
You can let us out at the nearest possible exit. (Man looks over to Tim.)
Man:
Ah, don't worry about it. It's no trouble at all. (Rolls down his window and dumps the bottle of piss out the window. From a front view of the truck on the highway, we see he bottles contents splash onto a red sports car in the other lane. Cut to: Phill and Tim hitch-hiking. A car pulls over to Phills extended thumb. Two chicks sit in the car. Tim and Phills' eyebrows raise. They exchange glances.)
Chick 1:
Did you guys need a ride?
Phill:
Yeah.
Tim:
Would you ladies like a ride as well? (Arches his eyebrows repeatedly. The chicks exchange disgusted glances.)
Chick 1:
Never mind. (Chick 1 Releases the brakes and begins to drive away, as she does so, Chick 2 can be heard saying to Chick 1 the following;)
Chick 2:
What a creep. (They drive away. Phill backhands Tim in the chest.)
Tim:
Ow, man. What the fuck?
Phill:
You completely blew our chances for a ride. (Their thumbs extend once again. A car slows down.)
Tim:
Here's another one. (The car has reached them.)
Phill:
Now don't fuck this one up. Let me do the talking.
Tim:
Yeah, yeah. What ever, man. (There is a driver and a rear passenger sitting behind the driver. The passenger is motionless, leaning up against the window. The driver rolls down the automatic passenger window.)
Driver 2:
Where you guys heading?
Phill: West. As far as you'll take us.
Driver 2:
Fine then. One of you will have to ride in the back beside Bob.
Phill:
Oh that's no problem. My friend will sit next to him. (Phill sits up front while Tim climbs into the back beside Bob, the man devoid of any motion. The car begins to move. We sit in the back facing Tim.)
Tim:
Man! This cat stinks! (Driver looks back through he rearview window.)
Driver 2:
Yeah. That's Bob for you. He don't wash often. (They drive in silence, Tim rolls down his window. He stares at the man "Bob" beside him. Tim nudges Bob.)
Tim:
Hey Bob, man. Wake up and wipe your ass. It smells like you shit yourself.
Driver 2:
I wouldn't try waking him, he can be a real dick when he awakens.
Tim:
Well he needs to wipe his ass.
Driver 2:
You'll get used to the smell.
Tim:
I sure as fuck hope so.
Phill:
Relax, Tim. At least we're not walking. (They drive on in silence for a while longer. Tim nudges Bob again whispering.)
Tim:
Bob, man. Wake the fuck up. (Bob does not stir. Tim grabs the guys arm and shakes it. Suddenly, Tim freezes up, drops the arm and leans forward to whisper in Phills ear.)
Tim:
Phill. Man, Phill. (Phill whispers back.)
Phill:
What?
Tim:
Hey man, this cat's dead.
Phill:
Shut the hell up, Tim. (Tim sits back for a second upon the driver glancing his way via the mirror. Tim smiles gleefully back. Once the eyes resume their concentration on the road, Tim leans forward once more, whispering again in Phills ear.)
Tim:
I touched his arm, Phill. It was cold. Ice cold. He didn't even move when I shook him.
Phill:
Just chill out, man.
Tim:
How the fuck am I supposed to chill out? This dude isn't breathing, and I have a feeling he's been like this a while.
Driver 2:
So you guys are headed west?
Phill:
Uh. Yeah.
Tim:
Hey, man. You know what? Me and Phill were just talking about how desperately we need to eat. And I need to take a shit anyhow. So you can just stop the car anywhere and let us out.
Driver 2:
I don't plan on getting off the freeway anytime soon.
Phill:
That's all right, man. You can just stop at the next off ramp and let us out. We'll walk the rest of the way.
Driver 2:
You sure? (Tim nods emphatically.)
Phill:
Yeah. I need some fresh air anyway.
Driver 2:
Well all right. Here's an exit now. (Car pulls onto the side of the highway and comes to a stop. Tim and Phill get out. Phill gives the man a wave of thanks while Tim runs into the grassy area nearby, drops to his hands and knees and vomits profusely. Phill stands beside him, waiting for the vomiting to come to an end. Eventually Tim stands, wiping his mouth with his arm.)
Phill:
Are you all right?
Tim: Fuck no, I'm not all right! I just sat next to a dead guy named Bob! I shared a seat with a fucking corpse!
Phill:
That would explain why he smelled like shit.
Tim:
Next time there's a corpse, you are sitting next to it.
Phill:
Fine, fine. Come on, let's get something to eat. (The two begin to walk away, down the off ramp, talking as they go, their voices trailing farther and farther away.)
Tim:
Man, I am not even about eating right now.
Phill:
Well I'm hungry.
Tim:
Sharing a ride with a corpse gets your mouth all watery, does it? You're a sick fuck, Phill. (We can no longer hear them as they continue their walk and we fade to black.)
End scene 3
Tim stands on the side of the road near a liquor store, alone. He holds a Styrofoam cup which contains random bits of loose change and a few dollar bills. A car stops and the driver rolls the window down part way, waving a bill in the air, which Tim goes over and grabs. As he walks back from the car he talks to himself.
Tim:
This is it. This is the fucking life. Making ends meet by whatever means necessary. When rational thoughts become second to the instinct of survival.. (He has returned to where he was originally standing. He continues to speak to himself.) This is so much more exciting than back in Blossumdale. The city is so dull. The only person I remotely miss is my ex girl, Vicky. (He stands around for a while. He pulls out a cigarette and lights it up.) But that relationship was going nowhere, really. She'd bitch about everything. Stupid shit that didn't even matter. She'd be all like; "You forgot my birthday." and "Who was that girl you we tonguing?!" Then she'd start bitching about random hypothetical arguments... and shit. And how I don't pay attention... and... "You gave my cat acid!?", which by the way I don't recommend. Anyway, she bitched about all kinds of random shit. I don't know too much about it though. I wasn't really listening to the particulars of exactly what was going down.(Phill enters from the liquor store. He walks up to Tim, who laughs momentarily and shakes his head.)
Phill:
I can't believe you're actually doing this.
Tim:
Yeah? Believe it. What'd you get?
Phill:
Jack D and a twelve of blue ribbon.
Tim:
Blue Ribbon?!
Phill:
Hey, it's all we can afford.
Tim:
What the fuck did you get blue ribbon for?! You might as well have gotten us root- beer!
Phill:
For the same reason you're standing out here, posing as a needy person. We have no money. And by the way, you look like a jackass.
Tim:
Thanks. You look nice too.
Phill:
How much money did you make on your clever little scheme here anyway?
Tim:
About fifteen bucks. (A car can be seen backing out of a parking spot and eventually heading toward the scene.) Quick, Phill, flip me a bill.
Phill:
Why's that?
Tim:
It's good for business.
Phill:
No way, I'm not giving you any money. (the car has almost reached them.)
Tim:
Come on, man, hand me some cash, you son of a bitch.
Phill:
Man, I hope that's not the pitch you're offering these people. (gets out his wallet and hands Tim a bill.) Here. (Tim takes it)
Tim:
A fucking dollar?! Is that the best you could do? What the fuck am I supposed to do with a dollar?
Phill:
Just shut up and do your job, Tim. You have a customer. (The car has reached them and the driver waves a bill in the air. Tim jogs over to the car, converses momentarily with the person, takes the money and returns to Phill, beaming.)
Tim:
Phat. That's the best donation I've had yet.
Phill:
What's that?
Tim:
Twenty dollars. That's like thirty-five dollars for twenty minutes worth of work... Sorry, thirty-six, I had forgotten your massive contribution.
Phill:
(Sarcastically) Impressive. We should do this more often.
Tim:
You're damn right we should. You should grab a money cup too.
Phill:
Come on. Lets go.
Tim:
There is still money left to be made, my friend.
Phill:
You made your thirty-five bucks. Now we have to get our shit and check out.
Tim:
But-
Phill:
Come on. You're done robbing from the poor today.
Tim:
Damn. Why are you such an asshole today?
Phill:
No sleep.
Tim:
Funny. You would think that the asshole with the bed and the blankets would be have slept the easiest.
Phill:
Fuck you.
Tim:
Don't get all pissy with me. It's not my fault you couldn't sleep.
Phill:
Actually, Tim, it is.
Tim:
How do you figure?
Phill:
If you didn't crank the heat up all night...
Tim:
If I would have had a blanket, I wouldn't have had to. Besides, it wasn't that hot.
Phill:
I had to wring the sweat out of my boxers.
Tim:
Yeah? Well you constantly bitching about how hot it was wasn't exactly making my life more peaceful. (Silence)
Phill:
I'm going to go get the my shit from the room. Are you coming to grab your crap? Or are you going to stay out here and play a reverse robin hood?
Tim:
I'm staying here. Partly for the money. Mostly to bring an end to your bitching.
Phill:
My bitching?!
Tim:
Yes your bitching. All you do is bitch, Phill. "You're stealing from the needy." 'The heat was up to high for me to sleep." "You threw me in front of a car!"
Phill:
Don't even get me started on that one.
Tim:
Fuck. I don't even know why I brought it up. God knows you'll be whining about your "near death experience" for the next ten hours.
Phill:
You know what? I'm leaving. Don't forget to grab your shit, we still have to get a ride for the day.
Tim:
Yeah. See ya. (Turns around and approaches the corner where he stood earlier. Phill walks away. Tim turns and calls out to him.)
Tim:
Hey grab my duffel bag while you're in there! (Phill stops and hollers back)
Phill:
Fuck you. (Continues on his way. Show overhead view of Tim waiting for traffic and he begins to sing "Goin to California" by Led Zeppelin. The music overtakes his voice and he peddles a few cars that stop during this brief musical interlude.)
(During the interlude of music, we join them on a few of the crazy rides they got. Some truck pulls up with an old man in a cowboy hat.)
Man:
You boys need a ride? (Tim and Phill look at one another and shrug)
Phill & Tim:
Yeah.
Man:
All right. But I gotta warn you, I don't stop for anything. If you need to piss, do it now. (Phill and Tim climb in. Flash a few minutes into the future, the old man pulls an empty water bottle out from beneath his seat. We see his hand and bottle go beneath the cameras view and hear a zipper go down. Only about a second passes before we hear him pissing into bottle. Phill, in the middle of Tim and Man, glances over at the odd sound and immediately turns away, covering his eyes.)
Phill:
Oh God!
Man:
Impressive, eh? (Phill and Tim exchange worried glances. The man is done pissing soon, and we hear him zip his pants back up. Tim leans forward and looks over to the man.)
Tim:
You can let us out at the nearest possible exit. (Man looks over to Tim.)
Man:
Ah, don't worry about it. It's no trouble at all. (Rolls down his window and dumps the bottle of piss out the window. From a front view of the truck on the highway, we see he bottles contents splash onto a red sports car in the other lane. Cut to: Phill and Tim hitch-hiking. A car pulls over to Phills extended thumb. Two chicks sit in the car. Tim and Phills' eyebrows raise. They exchange glances.)
Chick 1:
Did you guys need a ride?
Phill:
Yeah.
Tim:
Would you ladies like a ride as well? (Arches his eyebrows repeatedly. The chicks exchange disgusted glances.)
Chick 1:
Never mind. (Chick 1 Releases the brakes and begins to drive away, as she does so, Chick 2 can be heard saying to Chick 1 the following;)
Chick 2:
What a creep. (They drive away. Phill backhands Tim in the chest.)
Tim:
Ow, man. What the fuck?
Phill:
You completely blew our chances for a ride. (Their thumbs extend once again. A car slows down.)
Tim:
Here's another one. (The car has reached them.)
Phill:
Now don't fuck this one up. Let me do the talking.
Tim:
Yeah, yeah. What ever, man. (There is a driver and a rear passenger sitting behind the driver. The passenger is motionless, leaning up against the window. The driver rolls down the automatic passenger window.)
Driver 2:
Where you guys heading?
Phill: West. As far as you'll take us.
Driver 2:
Fine then. One of you will have to ride in the back beside Bob.
Phill:
Oh that's no problem. My friend will sit next to him. (Phill sits up front while Tim climbs into the back beside Bob, the man devoid of any motion. The car begins to move. We sit in the back facing Tim.)
Tim:
Man! This cat stinks! (Driver looks back through he rearview window.)
Driver 2:
Yeah. That's Bob for you. He don't wash often. (They drive in silence, Tim rolls down his window. He stares at the man "Bob" beside him. Tim nudges Bob.)
Tim:
Hey Bob, man. Wake up and wipe your ass. It smells like you shit yourself.
Driver 2:
I wouldn't try waking him, he can be a real dick when he awakens.
Tim:
Well he needs to wipe his ass.
Driver 2:
You'll get used to the smell.
Tim:
I sure as fuck hope so.
Phill:
Relax, Tim. At least we're not walking. (They drive on in silence for a while longer. Tim nudges Bob again whispering.)
Tim:
Bob, man. Wake the fuck up. (Bob does not stir. Tim grabs the guys arm and shakes it. Suddenly, Tim freezes up, drops the arm and leans forward to whisper in Phills ear.)
Tim:
Phill. Man, Phill. (Phill whispers back.)
Phill:
What?
Tim:
Hey man, this cat's dead.
Phill:
Shut the hell up, Tim. (Tim sits back for a second upon the driver glancing his way via the mirror. Tim smiles gleefully back. Once the eyes resume their concentration on the road, Tim leans forward once more, whispering again in Phills ear.)
Tim:
I touched his arm, Phill. It was cold. Ice cold. He didn't even move when I shook him.
Phill:
Just chill out, man.
Tim:
How the fuck am I supposed to chill out? This dude isn't breathing, and I have a feeling he's been like this a while.
Driver 2:
So you guys are headed west?
Phill:
Uh. Yeah.
Tim:
Hey, man. You know what? Me and Phill were just talking about how desperately we need to eat. And I need to take a shit anyhow. So you can just stop the car anywhere and let us out.
Driver 2:
I don't plan on getting off the freeway anytime soon.
Phill:
That's all right, man. You can just stop at the next off ramp and let us out. We'll walk the rest of the way.
Driver 2:
You sure? (Tim nods emphatically.)
Phill:
Yeah. I need some fresh air anyway.
Driver 2:
Well all right. Here's an exit now. (Car pulls onto the side of the highway and comes to a stop. Tim and Phill get out. Phill gives the man a wave of thanks while Tim runs into the grassy area nearby, drops to his hands and knees and vomits profusely. Phill stands beside him, waiting for the vomiting to come to an end. Eventually Tim stands, wiping his mouth with his arm.)
Phill:
Are you all right?
Tim: Fuck no, I'm not all right! I just sat next to a dead guy named Bob! I shared a seat with a fucking corpse!
Phill:
That would explain why he smelled like shit.
Tim:
Next time there's a corpse, you are sitting next to it.
Phill:
Fine, fine. Come on, let's get something to eat. (The two begin to walk away, down the off ramp, talking as they go, their voices trailing farther and farther away.)
Tim:
Man, I am not even about eating right now.
Phill:
Well I'm hungry.
Tim:
Sharing a ride with a corpse gets your mouth all watery, does it? You're a sick fuck, Phill. (We can no longer hear them as they continue their walk and we fade to black.)
End scene 3