Location: Nowhere
Act 1 scene 2
Fade in to the parking lot where Gary sits atop his car screaming along to the music which blasts from his stereo. He listens to social distortion, Turn Around. He is alone. After a few moments of the musical interlude, Lisa appears on the horizon, entering from the back door of the restaurant in the distance. She walks to him, pulling out and lighting up a cigarette. She stops once she reaches the vehicle, Gary having discontinued the sing along thing a while back. To speak, one must often shout to be heard.
Lisa: Hey. (She stands in front of him smoking her cigarette. She wears a white blouse and a deep black pants.)
Gary: What's up?
Lisa: Not much. Ted says you have to turn the music down.
Gary: Fuck him.
Lisa: Gary, you can't just blast your music on his property. If he doesn't want you here he can have you removed by force of law.
Gary: Ted's a dick.
Lisa: That may very well be, but he is at least allowing you to hang out on his property. (Gary hops into the car and turns the music down, then resumes his position perched atop the car.)
Gary: Satisfied?
Lisa: Not quite... what the hell are you even doing here?
Gary: Picking you up from work, remember?
Lisa: I don't get off until nine thirty. What did you do, go home and chill out for an hour after you dropped me off? (Gary gives no reply for a moment)
Gary: You told me to be early.
Lisa: But three hours?! (pause) I meant like half an hour. (Mutual silence)
Gary: Why didn't you tell me about the beer?
Lisa: Cause you were going to find out when you got here... three hours from now.
Gary: Oh. You know who told me?
Lisa: Steve?
Gary: Yeah, that fucking cock sucker. I can't stand that dude.
Lisa: Well he hasn't done anything to you.
Gary: He talks to me, Lisa. It pisses me off when he does it and he does it all the time.
Lisa: That's too bad, Gary.
Gary: We don't actually have to party with him tonight, do we?
Lisa: Yeah. (Gary flicks his cigarette away.)
Gary: Man... Why?
Lisa: Because he is my friend, it's my party, and we'll all be drinking my beer.
Gary: It's always about you isn't it? (Silence) Are you still thinking about letting Steve come tonight?
(Squige can be seen in the distance on the road in the background. He is walking with a slender, black haired kid of about eighteen. (Mikey) They approach the car as the Gary and Lisa continue to converse.)
Lisa: Gary. I don't know what the big deal is. He'll be bringing his beer too.
Gary: I just don't like that fuck, that's all.
Squige: Hey! Look who it is! Lisa! (He walks to her arms open, and they embrace oddly, like she don't know what's going on. Mikey leans his back up against the car. Gary and Mikey exchange a "what up?" and watch Squige and Lisa. The embrace ends and Squige steps around to the back of her and proceeds to 'mock fuck' her.)
Lisa: Squige! (He continues) Damn it, Squige! Quit it! (Squige stops and backs up.) You have been hanging around Mikey's dog too much.
Squige: Was it good for you? ' Cause I know it was good for me, baby. Kind of a loose fit though.
Lisa: It's because you have a small dick. (Squige pulls his pants out a bit so that he can look down there)
Squige: No shit. That's what it was. I thought you'd just been around.
(He moves over to stand beside Mikey.)
Mikey: She cracked hard on your dick, man.
Squige: Mikey, that girl can do what ever she wants on my dick.
Lisa: Fuck you, Squige.
Squige: Whenever you're ready. (there is a period of silence shared between the four.)
Lisa: So you partying with us tonight, Mikey?
Mikey: I guess so. Where at?
Squige: We can't party at my house. The old man is home.
Lisa: No shit? The Admiral is back?! What is he, on leave or something?
Squige: Not exactly. He got kicked out, hit the curb, got the old boot. Wouldn't stop his drinking... So we gotta steer clear of him for a while.
Gary: Mikey?
Mikey: You've gotta be kidding, right? I live right next door to officer Truman.
Lisa: Well how about my place? That's where I was throwing it anyway.
Squige: What about your mom?
Lisa: She don't care, she said she used to party like this at our age. Besides, she's going out tonight, won't be home until tomorrow morning.
Mikey: Sounds good.
Lisa: Can you bring your stereo?
Mikey: Yeah, sure.
Lisa: Cool, thanks. Mine has to be taken to the shop.
Mikey: Not a problem.
Lisa: Hey, Gary. What time is it? (Gary looks at his watch)
Gary: It's a quarter after seven
Lisa: Well... (She puts her cigarette out with the old 'step on it' technique.) It's been real. I'll see you all when I get off at nine-thirty.
Squige: See ya. (Lisa walks toward the restaurant)
Mikey: Bye Lisa.
Gary: Hey don't invite Steve! (Lisa turns around.)
Lisa: Too late! He told you about it, remember? (She turns back around and resumes her walk to the restaurant)
Gary: Damn it! I hate that fuck.
Mikey: I don't, man. Lisa ain't that bad...
Gary: I was talking about Steve.
Mikey: Oh.
Squige: Hey Gary, you mind if fuck with the music?
Gary: Yeah sure, what ever.
Squige: Cool. (Squige jumps in the car, the music stops from within.) What you got in here?
Gary: I don't know, man. We already went through this once today. Look through it. (Squige continues to search while Gary and Mikey converse)
Gary: So what have you been up to?
Mikey: You know... Downing the brew on the way to school. Smoking the ganja.
Gary: You're still in school?
Mikey: Yeah, there's only three weeks left now anyway. The teachers make more sense anyway.
Gary: You gonna graduate?
Mikey: If all goes according to plan.
Gary: What do you mean?
Mikey: I hacked in and changed my grades. That and I crashed a few servers from the library's computer, and they can't figure out who did it. So if I can graduate before they figure it out...
Gary: Can they figure it out?
Mikey: I hope not (Crosses his fingers as he says this.) I think I covered my tracks pretty well, and I sort have an alibi.
Gary: Which is?
Mikey: Well, the night before I did it, I ate this hot jalepeno burrito... I mean it burned all the way through my digestive system... So the day I did it, I had nose hair singing diariah. And all of the people who came in there while I was dropping these bombs were coughing and gagging and choking and shit. Naturally I proudly proclaimed it to be my own whenever talk of this overwhelming horror came up, so everyone knows it was me. That was a month ago and they still talk about it from time to time.
(Rage Against the Machine blasts from the speakers, Squige having evidently found what he was looking for. It is much louder than before. He returns to sit around with his friends, having exited the car. An unlit joint hangs loosely from his mouth. Squige and Mikey begin to mosh around, slamming into one anther repeatedly.)
Gary: Would you two knock it off? (They continue) Cut it out you're grating over my fucking nerves.
(They stop. Mikey resumes his stance with his butt leaning up against the trunk of the car. Squige sits atop the hood, back leaned up against the windshield. Squige lights up his joint unnoticed by the others who stare at the restaurant without saying a word. Gary looks over to Squige and notices what is being smoked.)
Gary: Hey Squige?
Squige: Yes my mentally challenged colleague?
Gary: What the fuck are you smoking?
Squige: A doob. Want a hit? (Ted exits from the restaurant at a brisk pace towards the car. Gary and Squige do not notice, Mikey only looks on.)
Gary: What the fuck are you smoking a joint in the middle of the parking lot again for?!
Squige: I don't know. So I can get high.
Mikey: Hey guys... (Gary and Squige look to where Mikey is looking, Ted is nearly at the car.)
Gary: (Whispering to Squige): Shit man, put that out. (Squige continues to non-chalantly drag from it. Ted is at the car. He shouts to be heard above the music)
Ted: What the hell did I tell you?!
Gary: About what?
Ted: Once again you're disturbing the customers.
Gary: Oh... shit. I'm really sorry.
Ted: What are you even doing here?
Gary: We're picking Lisa up from work.
Ted: She doesn't get off until nine thirty.
Gary: So...
Ted: You're early.
Gary: So I've noticed, Ted.(He gets off the car and is getting into the car to turn down the radio when Mikey gets up in Teds face.)
Mikey: What the fuck is your problem?! Bitch! (The music is down, Gary gets back out of the car. Ted looks at him.)
Ted: I want you guys out of here.(No one moves. Gary stares blankly back at him) Now!
Gary: All right, man. (gets back in the car.)
Mikey: Shotgun! (Hops in passenger side.)
Squige: You can have it, man. I'm staying.
Gary: What do you mean you're staying?! Get in the car.
Squige: What's the point, man?
Gary: Dude, I'm leaving. With or without you.
Squige: Go then. (Hits joint)
Ted: What the hell are you smoking?!
Squige: A doob. Want a hit?
Ted: You're smoking a joint in the middle of my parking lot!
Mikey
(from inside the car): Basically!
Ted: That's it. I'm calling the cops. (Turns and walks to the restaurant.)
Squige: Call them, man. Bring 'em down. Hey Gary! there's gonna be a pig roast tonight!
Gary: Come on Squige.
Squige: Fuck it, dude. I'm not moving. I have principles y'know?
Gary: Seriously, man, c'mon.
Squige: I'm staying right here, man.
Gary: All right, whatever. (Starts car and puts it in reverse)
Squige: See ya later, Gar.
Gary: Later Squige. (Gary pulls away. Ted returns to confront Squige one on one.)
Ted: Put that shit out. (Squige hits it heavily and exhales the smoke rather arrogantly.) That's it. I'm calling the police. (Ted returns to walking back to the restaurant while Squige taunts him from afar.)
Squige: I thought you were already calling them! Put something behind your threats, you ball-less son of a bitch! (By this time, Ted is already inside) Fucking dickheads like that wind up dead for stupid petty shit like this all the time. (shrugs his shoulders, then paces about in a small circle, smoking. He kneels down and ties his shoes, in the second shoe he ties, he takes a baggy containing greens from his pocket and slips it into his shoe. He stops, stands, and looks at the camera.)
Squige: This is Blossumdale. Land of limitless boredom. Wonderful place to retire in... not so great to grow up in. The town ain't so bad, really... I mean, we've been on the "Top Five Hundred Places to Raise Your Kids" list for seven years running. Shit. Last year we made top two-fifty. But there ain't shit to do around here. Living here, you're bored out of your fucking mind. People blame drug experimentation on peer pressure... (Drags from smoke) Not me, man. I blame it on boredom. There ain't fuck else to do, why not light up a jay, drop some acid, pop some pills, or whatever... Anything to get your mind off of what is not happening in this waste of brick, black-top, and pavement. Living in Blossumdale is like living in Mayberry. (Red and blue flash lightly across Squige's face, evidently in the distance. is back us to the camera as he faces the front parking lot where a cruiser pulls in. Ted exits the restaurant and walks towards Squige. Squige laughs a bit and hits his cigarette. Officer Truman gets out of the cruiser.) And here comes Barney fuckin' Fief. (Ted has reached him as Truman is answering a call on his radio, about five to six yards away.)
Ted: I have warned you, Michael. I've warned you several times.
Squige: You only warned me once, Ted. (Hits smoke)
Ted: What are you still doing smoking that thing?! (Squige looks quizzically at him.)
Squige: What?
Ted: Throw it down or something, would you? You don't want to get busted for something like that.
Squige: Like what? (Truman's conversation with his radio has ended. He approaches the two.)
Truman: I understand there's a noise violation of some sort?
Squige: Well, if it isn't Roscoe P Coltrain.
Ted: The noise violation left... Only this one remains. (Squige takes a puff. Truman notices and for a moment he and Ted stand in shock at the young mans complete lack of tact. Truman faces him and takes a few steps closer to him, now only a few feet from Squige. His hand is up and lowering, signaling for Squige to drop what is in his hand.)
Truman: Son...
Squige: Officer... (He nods as he says this, smoke curling out of his mouth with each pronounced syllable.)
Truman: Now... You just drop the marijuana and we can forget about all of this.
Squige: Pot? Whose got pot? Hey man, if you got it, I got the fucking papers. (Truman let's out a breath and shakes his head to himself in disappointment. Realization hits Squige.) Oh! I fucking get it! You think this smoke... (motions with it) Is reefer. Ha! (Laughs, then reaches into his pocket to grab something. when his hand goes to one of his deep pockets, Truman gets nervous and quickly draws his gun, pointing it at Squige. Squige freezes.)
Truman: Pull your hand out nice and slow. (Panicked, Squige yanks his hand from his pocket, a pack of tobacco in his hand. Truman pulls the trigger three consecutive times. Bam! Bam! Bam! Three bullet holes rip into Squige's chest and hi drops on his back to the ground. When he is about to hit the ground, the camera takes a ground level view. He lands right next to us, and when his head hits we flash right back to him standing dumb foundedly with his hand in his pocket and Truman holding the gun in his face as though no fires had ever been shot.)
Ted: I said pull your hand out. Slowly. (Squige obeys, pulling out his hand quite slowly. His hand contains a package of tobacco.)
Squige: I am smoking tobacco, officer. I roll my own cigarettes, look. (Hands the officer the small but still lit smoke. Truman takes it and unrolls it. Ted looks over his shoulder, watching.)
Ted: Well I'll be... There really is tobacco in there.
Squige: Yeah, no joke, man.
Truman: But what are these green shreds?
Squige: I can explain those too, officer. I got some legal cannabis out of an ad in a High Times magazine. If my friend didn't leave with my magazine in the back seat of his car, I'd show you... The high don't last as long as the good shit, but it ain't too bad for twenty-four bucks an ounce, y'know?
Truman: Get up against the cruiser, son. (Squige walks over to the cruiser and pops himself up to sit comfortably on the trunk.) Against the cruiser. (Squige gets down and faces the cruiser.) Put you're hands on the hood and spread your legs. (Squige obeys.)
Squige: Be gentle. (Truman pats him down.) Hey if my pants are wet, it's because I pissed myself when you whipped that gun out on me, you gung-ho mother fucker. (Truman pats him down once more, a bit more thoroughly.) Who the fuck are you anyway? Fuckin' Quick Draw McMotherFuckin'Graw? (Truman is finished and Squige turns around to face him, leaning up against the cruiser.) Crazy-ass mother fucker.
Truman: Now... there is still a small matter of trespassing... (He drops the cigarette to the ground.)
Squige: Who am I even bothering? (No reply) I mean... look around us. Who can I possibly be disturbing? Officer, your lights are causing more of a commotion than my presence has... In fact, had you not arrived, the spectators in the distance would never have noted my presence. (silence. Truman looks to Ted.)
Truman: Mr. Riley..?
Ted: He's right. I don't want to press charges. I don't mind them waiting here so long as they keep it quiet.
Truman: What are they even waiting for?
Squige: We're giving Lisa a ride home from work.
Truman: And what time does she get off?
Ted: Nine-thirty. But she probably won't be done until ten.
Truman: Ten?! They showed up two and a half hours early?!
Ted: They got here at six.
Truman: Four hours early?! (They both stare at Squige)
Squige: Hey man, don't look at me. I didn't drive. I didn't even know we were coming here.[/b]
Truman: Kids these days.
Squige: That's the small town society for you, officer. (Truman smirks a bit at the underlying complexities of such a simple statement.)
Truman: Will that be all, Mr. Riley?
Ted: Yeah, I think so. (Truman looks at Squige)
Truman: No more problems from you, ya hear?
Squige: Don't worry about it, man.
Truman: If I have to see you again tonight...
Squige: Don't worry about it, Quickdraw. I don't cause disturbances, disturbances cause me. (Every one is silent for a moment, contemplating what was said.)
Truman: That statement makes no sense what so ever.
Squige: It's a metaphor.
Truman: Yeah, I gathered that. But the statement makes no sense.
Squige: That's a matter of opinion.
Truman: Apparently. Good evening gentlemen. (Turns and begins to walk to his cruiser.)
Ted: Thanks allot, Officer Truman. (Truman tips his hat and gets into his cruiser, driving away. Squige and Ted stand uncomfortably beside one another.)
Squige: So...
Ted: I don't want any more problems out of you, Michael.
Squige: You got it, man.
Ted: And keep your friends music volume at a respectable level.
Squige:[b] All right.
(Silence)
[b]Ted: That really didn't make any sense you know?
Squige: What ever. (Ted shakes his head and laughs for a moment and walks away towards the rear entrance to the restaurant.) You fucking see what I mean? Dude don't know what to do when I'm reaching in my pocket. He freaks and whips out his gun. It's not like he's in a big city where there's a criminal population! He's in Blossumdale. Nothing exciting happens, so anything with even a remote tinge of excitement becomes unphathomably exciting. Back up arrives on speeding violations and shit. (He sits cross legged and takes of his shoe, dumping the contents into his lap then placing his shoe back on his foot. In his lap now is a bag of weed, from his pocket come papers and he proceeds to roll a joint, speaking little as he does so.) Fucking Gary takes the music with him... He better get back here soon... (Licks paper and finishes the joint rolling. A car pulls into the parking lot from the side street. Squige stands up to face it, throwing the bag and the joint into his pocket. It is Gary and Mikey. They pull into their spot, a few feet away from where Squige now stands.)
Squige: So there you are! It's about fucking time my loyal fucking friends return! (Gary and Mikey get out of the car and sit atop it. Gary on the roof again, Squige leaning up against the trunk, Mikey sitting on the hood.)
Gary: We saw the cruiser. What happened?
Squige: I passed the joint to him and he was cool. Ted joined in and everything is straight now. He said he really digs our music now and we can play it as loud as we want.
Mikey: Man, shut the fuck up.
Squige: Nah, man. Seriously.
(Mutual silence)
Gary: So really, Squige. What happened? (Squige stands before them basking in the glow of attention.)
Squige: Dude gets out of the car, right? And he's all like; "I understand you're causing a disturbance." So I say "I don't cause disturbances. Disturbances cause me."
Mikey: Awesome.
Gary: What the hell is that supposed to mean? (Squige glares evilly at him for a moment. Then motions a gun being drawn and aimed at Garys head.)
Squige: Dude's all "up against the cruiser." And what am I gonna do? He's got a gun, y'know? So I'm up against the cruiser hood and, Mikey, your neighbor is a fucking pervert. He start feeling me all up and down-
Mikey: He was frisking you.
Squige: Yeah he was rather frisky.
Mikey: No, he was seeing if you had anything on you.
Squige: I'll say.
Mikey: I mean-
Squige: Yeah, I know what you mean. But listen to me, y'all. He fucking wanted it.
Gary & Mikey: Shut up, Squige.
Squige: Seriously, guys. He started rubbing all up on my cock. So I reached back and grabbed him up in a headlock, and I just start pounding the shit out of him, right? I let go and he falls to his knees. Now, I'm about ready to feed it to him-
Gary: Man, shut the fuck up.
Mikey: You're fucking sick, man.
Squige: - but Ted came out with a baseball bat and broke it up.
Mikey: I have lived next door to the man for eight years now. He's not a homo. And even if he was, he wouldn't do something like that.
Squige: Go talk to the man tomorrow. Check his broken nose out.
Gary: No one is buying it Squige. (silence. Gary turns the radio on quietly. For a moment they sit listening to the music and absorbing the feel of excitement in their surroundings.)
Mikey: What time is it, anyway? (Gary looks at his watch)
Gary: It's a quarter to eight.
Mikey: So we got what? An hour? What time does she get off?
Gary: Nine thirty, ten.
Mikey: No shit. So what the hell are we doing here so early?
Squige: That's what I've been saying since we got here, man.
Gary: Lisa told me to be early.
Mikey: Yeah, but don't you think you're pushing it just a bit?
Gary: She's getting beer real cheap, so just shut up about it, all right?
Mikey: Yeah, man. All right.
Squige: Hey, you guys want to go smoke a joint in the woods?
Gary: Yeah, that'd be nice.
Mikey: I thought you got searched.
Squige: I did. It was in my shoe.
Gary: All right, man. Yeah I'm in.
Squige: What about you, Mikey?
Mikey: Nah, I'm cool. I think I'll just chill here while you guys go.
Squige: All right, dude. What ever. (Gary gets off of the roof and he and Squige begin to disappear into the distance to the woods behind the parking lot, talking along the way.)
Gary: Disturbances cause you...
Squige: That's right, man. That's what I told him.
Gary: That doesn't make sense.
Squige: Yeah it does, man.
Gary: Then what does it mean?
Squige: I uh... I haven't exactly worked that part out yet. (They are gone. We are left alone with Mikey, who sits atop the car where Gary sat before.)
Mikey: You can call me Mikey... Everyone else does. My name is Michael Hammens, but this has converted from the common association of 'Mike', because Squige has the name of. When I moved into this town a few years ago, I fell into this clique. Squige was still called Mike then, and so naturally I was tagged with Mikey. But then Squige got his name in his senior year of high school, a few years back. He was in a mathematics class and his teacher had a policy about not allowing people to leave her classes for any reason. And that included restroom activities. He had to take a shit and asked permission to go, saying "May I use the crapper?" She replied that he couldn't because of his course use of the English language... (Shakes his head) You've met him, right?... Is crapper really the worst thing you could imagine Squige saying? So he's like "Look. I'm about to piss my pants. May I go?" She said no, so he gave her the finger, apologized to the class and let a nice healthy Squige go in the corner of the class room. (He busts up laughing.) It was completely insane. I saluted him, myself being an anarchist and a fan to any anti-system propaganda. In fact... (He stands tall.) I salute him now... (salutes, than leans back up on the car.) Crazy mother fucker. (He stands still, not speaking, just staring at the ground for a while.) I wonder what sort of musical selection Gary has... (With that he gets in Garys car and looks through the stack of tapes within Garys car. He pops in INSERT BAND NAME and pushes the volume up. Mikey exits the car and sits atop the hood, legs dangling over the side, rocking his head to the beat of the music which blasts from the speakers. From the restaurant comes Ted, when he reaches the car Mikey gives him a nod and then promptly ignores him. Ted reaches in through the window and turns down the music and begins to walk away.)
Mikey: Hey! (Ted ignores him and keeps walking.) Hey, I'm talking to you, you old fuck! (Gets off the car and walks after him, Ted turning around to face him in the meantime.) What are you doing putting your grubby hands all over other peoples things?! Weren't you raised better, man? I mean... who the fuck do you are?!
Ted: I'm the manager.
Mikey: Oh! (Walks back to the car.) Shit. You're the manager?! (Hops in the car. Volume is cranked up, louder than before. Ted becomes red in the face.)
Ted: You little bastard! (Mikey flips him off, starts the car and drives away, his finger out the window the whole way. Ted is left standing there.)
Ted: Damn it! That stupid little punk! He's a dead man. A fucking dead man. (He flips the general direction the car went in the finger, then walks back to the restaurant. The camera is alone for a while, but in the distance we see Gary and Squige returning from the woods. They walk to where Mikey and the car where parked.)
Gary: What the hell, man? (They stand there for a while, Gary spinning around, Squige just standing there. Ted exits from the restaurant to greet Gary and Squige.)
Ted: Hey-
Gary: Hey, Ted. Where the fuck is my car?
Squige: That's what's missing.
(Looks around.)
Ted: Ask your friend when he comes back, the ignorant piece of shit.
Gary: Why what happened?
Ted: He cranked the volume up when I told him to turn it down, and he peeled out of the parking lot.
Gary: Shit!
Squige:[b/] What?
[b]Gary: Mikey... that little fuck stole my car!
Ted: Let that little punk know that he is in some serious trouble with me.
Squige: Yeah. That's intimidating. You don't even know who he is, what are you going to do?
Ted: Just... (Thinks, says nothing turns and leaves)
Gary: Shit!
Squige: What?
Gary: I can't believe he took my car!
Squige: Yeah, it sucks, man.
Gary: What a little asshole.
Squige: He'll bring it back, man. Don't worry about it.
Gary: I'm going to kill that little bastard.
Squige: I'm saying, Gary. It really sucks.
Gary: If there is a chip in the paint I'm nailing him to the hood by his nuts.
Squige: (nodding) It's gonna suck to be Mikey for a while... But don't you think nailing him to the hood would just chip the paint even more?
(silence)
Gary: Now what?
Squige: We could walk up to the gas station for a while. Get some forties, chill out in the a-fucking-c, man.
Gary: We gotta wait for Lisa.
Squige: Believe me, Gary. She's not going anywhere for a while.
Gary: What about Mikey?
Squige: What about him? He stole your fucking car.
Gary: Yeah, that little fuck.
Squige: Come on, Gary. I got cottonmouth like a bitch, man. I need some fucking beer in me.
Gary: All right, man.
Squige: What time is it anyway?
(Gary looks at his watch as they turn around to walk towards the paved lot.)
Gary: It's eight.
Squige: Damn. We still got another hour. (They reach the paved lot and the camera says at the boundary of the gravel lot.)
Gary: I can't believe he took my fucking car!
Squige: He'll be back.
Gary: I'm going to kill that little fuck.
(Gary and Squige are gone and the camera goes to focus on the wood land and the sun which sets behind it in fast motion, spilling its color on the screen in every point against the black trees.)
Fade in to the parking lot where Gary sits atop his car screaming along to the music which blasts from his stereo. He listens to social distortion, Turn Around. He is alone. After a few moments of the musical interlude, Lisa appears on the horizon, entering from the back door of the restaurant in the distance. She walks to him, pulling out and lighting up a cigarette. She stops once she reaches the vehicle, Gary having discontinued the sing along thing a while back. To speak, one must often shout to be heard.
Lisa: Hey. (She stands in front of him smoking her cigarette. She wears a white blouse and a deep black pants.)
Gary: What's up?
Lisa: Not much. Ted says you have to turn the music down.
Gary: Fuck him.
Lisa: Gary, you can't just blast your music on his property. If he doesn't want you here he can have you removed by force of law.
Gary: Ted's a dick.
Lisa: That may very well be, but he is at least allowing you to hang out on his property. (Gary hops into the car and turns the music down, then resumes his position perched atop the car.)
Gary: Satisfied?
Lisa: Not quite... what the hell are you even doing here?
Gary: Picking you up from work, remember?
Lisa: I don't get off until nine thirty. What did you do, go home and chill out for an hour after you dropped me off? (Gary gives no reply for a moment)
Gary: You told me to be early.
Lisa: But three hours?! (pause) I meant like half an hour. (Mutual silence)
Gary: Why didn't you tell me about the beer?
Lisa: Cause you were going to find out when you got here... three hours from now.
Gary: Oh. You know who told me?
Lisa: Steve?
Gary: Yeah, that fucking cock sucker. I can't stand that dude.
Lisa: Well he hasn't done anything to you.
Gary: He talks to me, Lisa. It pisses me off when he does it and he does it all the time.
Lisa: That's too bad, Gary.
Gary: We don't actually have to party with him tonight, do we?
Lisa: Yeah. (Gary flicks his cigarette away.)
Gary: Man... Why?
Lisa: Because he is my friend, it's my party, and we'll all be drinking my beer.
Gary: It's always about you isn't it? (Silence) Are you still thinking about letting Steve come tonight?
(Squige can be seen in the distance on the road in the background. He is walking with a slender, black haired kid of about eighteen. (Mikey) They approach the car as the Gary and Lisa continue to converse.)
Lisa: Gary. I don't know what the big deal is. He'll be bringing his beer too.
Gary: I just don't like that fuck, that's all.
Squige: Hey! Look who it is! Lisa! (He walks to her arms open, and they embrace oddly, like she don't know what's going on. Mikey leans his back up against the car. Gary and Mikey exchange a "what up?" and watch Squige and Lisa. The embrace ends and Squige steps around to the back of her and proceeds to 'mock fuck' her.)
Lisa: Squige! (He continues) Damn it, Squige! Quit it! (Squige stops and backs up.) You have been hanging around Mikey's dog too much.
Squige: Was it good for you? ' Cause I know it was good for me, baby. Kind of a loose fit though.
Lisa: It's because you have a small dick. (Squige pulls his pants out a bit so that he can look down there)
Squige: No shit. That's what it was. I thought you'd just been around.
(He moves over to stand beside Mikey.)
Mikey: She cracked hard on your dick, man.
Squige: Mikey, that girl can do what ever she wants on my dick.
Lisa: Fuck you, Squige.
Squige: Whenever you're ready. (there is a period of silence shared between the four.)
Lisa: So you partying with us tonight, Mikey?
Mikey: I guess so. Where at?
Squige: We can't party at my house. The old man is home.
Lisa: No shit? The Admiral is back?! What is he, on leave or something?
Squige: Not exactly. He got kicked out, hit the curb, got the old boot. Wouldn't stop his drinking... So we gotta steer clear of him for a while.
Gary: Mikey?
Mikey: You've gotta be kidding, right? I live right next door to officer Truman.
Lisa: Well how about my place? That's where I was throwing it anyway.
Squige: What about your mom?
Lisa: She don't care, she said she used to party like this at our age. Besides, she's going out tonight, won't be home until tomorrow morning.
Mikey: Sounds good.
Lisa: Can you bring your stereo?
Mikey: Yeah, sure.
Lisa: Cool, thanks. Mine has to be taken to the shop.
Mikey: Not a problem.
Lisa: Hey, Gary. What time is it? (Gary looks at his watch)
Gary: It's a quarter after seven
Lisa: Well... (She puts her cigarette out with the old 'step on it' technique.) It's been real. I'll see you all when I get off at nine-thirty.
Squige: See ya. (Lisa walks toward the restaurant)
Mikey: Bye Lisa.
Gary: Hey don't invite Steve! (Lisa turns around.)
Lisa: Too late! He told you about it, remember? (She turns back around and resumes her walk to the restaurant)
Gary: Damn it! I hate that fuck.
Mikey: I don't, man. Lisa ain't that bad...
Gary: I was talking about Steve.
Mikey: Oh.
Squige: Hey Gary, you mind if fuck with the music?
Gary: Yeah sure, what ever.
Squige: Cool. (Squige jumps in the car, the music stops from within.) What you got in here?
Gary: I don't know, man. We already went through this once today. Look through it. (Squige continues to search while Gary and Mikey converse)
Gary: So what have you been up to?
Mikey: You know... Downing the brew on the way to school. Smoking the ganja.
Gary: You're still in school?
Mikey: Yeah, there's only three weeks left now anyway. The teachers make more sense anyway.
Gary: You gonna graduate?
Mikey: If all goes according to plan.
Gary: What do you mean?
Mikey: I hacked in and changed my grades. That and I crashed a few servers from the library's computer, and they can't figure out who did it. So if I can graduate before they figure it out...
Gary: Can they figure it out?
Mikey: I hope not (Crosses his fingers as he says this.) I think I covered my tracks pretty well, and I sort have an alibi.
Gary: Which is?
Mikey: Well, the night before I did it, I ate this hot jalepeno burrito... I mean it burned all the way through my digestive system... So the day I did it, I had nose hair singing diariah. And all of the people who came in there while I was dropping these bombs were coughing and gagging and choking and shit. Naturally I proudly proclaimed it to be my own whenever talk of this overwhelming horror came up, so everyone knows it was me. That was a month ago and they still talk about it from time to time.
(Rage Against the Machine blasts from the speakers, Squige having evidently found what he was looking for. It is much louder than before. He returns to sit around with his friends, having exited the car. An unlit joint hangs loosely from his mouth. Squige and Mikey begin to mosh around, slamming into one anther repeatedly.)
Gary: Would you two knock it off? (They continue) Cut it out you're grating over my fucking nerves.
(They stop. Mikey resumes his stance with his butt leaning up against the trunk of the car. Squige sits atop the hood, back leaned up against the windshield. Squige lights up his joint unnoticed by the others who stare at the restaurant without saying a word. Gary looks over to Squige and notices what is being smoked.)
Gary: Hey Squige?
Squige: Yes my mentally challenged colleague?
Gary: What the fuck are you smoking?
Squige: A doob. Want a hit? (Ted exits from the restaurant at a brisk pace towards the car. Gary and Squige do not notice, Mikey only looks on.)
Gary: What the fuck are you smoking a joint in the middle of the parking lot again for?!
Squige: I don't know. So I can get high.
Mikey: Hey guys... (Gary and Squige look to where Mikey is looking, Ted is nearly at the car.)
Gary: (Whispering to Squige): Shit man, put that out. (Squige continues to non-chalantly drag from it. Ted is at the car. He shouts to be heard above the music)
Ted: What the hell did I tell you?!
Gary: About what?
Ted: Once again you're disturbing the customers.
Gary: Oh... shit. I'm really sorry.
Ted: What are you even doing here?
Gary: We're picking Lisa up from work.
Ted: She doesn't get off until nine thirty.
Gary: So...
Ted: You're early.
Gary: So I've noticed, Ted.(He gets off the car and is getting into the car to turn down the radio when Mikey gets up in Teds face.)
Mikey: What the fuck is your problem?! Bitch! (The music is down, Gary gets back out of the car. Ted looks at him.)
Ted: I want you guys out of here.(No one moves. Gary stares blankly back at him) Now!
Gary: All right, man. (gets back in the car.)
Mikey: Shotgun! (Hops in passenger side.)
Squige: You can have it, man. I'm staying.
Gary: What do you mean you're staying?! Get in the car.
Squige: What's the point, man?
Gary: Dude, I'm leaving. With or without you.
Squige: Go then. (Hits joint)
Ted: What the hell are you smoking?!
Squige: A doob. Want a hit?
Ted: You're smoking a joint in the middle of my parking lot!
Mikey
(from inside the car): Basically!
Ted: That's it. I'm calling the cops. (Turns and walks to the restaurant.)
Squige: Call them, man. Bring 'em down. Hey Gary! there's gonna be a pig roast tonight!
Gary: Come on Squige.
Squige: Fuck it, dude. I'm not moving. I have principles y'know?
Gary: Seriously, man, c'mon.
Squige: I'm staying right here, man.
Gary: All right, whatever. (Starts car and puts it in reverse)
Squige: See ya later, Gar.
Gary: Later Squige. (Gary pulls away. Ted returns to confront Squige one on one.)
Ted: Put that shit out. (Squige hits it heavily and exhales the smoke rather arrogantly.) That's it. I'm calling the police. (Ted returns to walking back to the restaurant while Squige taunts him from afar.)
Squige: I thought you were already calling them! Put something behind your threats, you ball-less son of a bitch! (By this time, Ted is already inside) Fucking dickheads like that wind up dead for stupid petty shit like this all the time. (shrugs his shoulders, then paces about in a small circle, smoking. He kneels down and ties his shoes, in the second shoe he ties, he takes a baggy containing greens from his pocket and slips it into his shoe. He stops, stands, and looks at the camera.)
Squige: This is Blossumdale. Land of limitless boredom. Wonderful place to retire in... not so great to grow up in. The town ain't so bad, really... I mean, we've been on the "Top Five Hundred Places to Raise Your Kids" list for seven years running. Shit. Last year we made top two-fifty. But there ain't shit to do around here. Living here, you're bored out of your fucking mind. People blame drug experimentation on peer pressure... (Drags from smoke) Not me, man. I blame it on boredom. There ain't fuck else to do, why not light up a jay, drop some acid, pop some pills, or whatever... Anything to get your mind off of what is not happening in this waste of brick, black-top, and pavement. Living in Blossumdale is like living in Mayberry. (Red and blue flash lightly across Squige's face, evidently in the distance. is back us to the camera as he faces the front parking lot where a cruiser pulls in. Ted exits the restaurant and walks towards Squige. Squige laughs a bit and hits his cigarette. Officer Truman gets out of the cruiser.) And here comes Barney fuckin' Fief. (Ted has reached him as Truman is answering a call on his radio, about five to six yards away.)
Ted: I have warned you, Michael. I've warned you several times.
Squige: You only warned me once, Ted. (Hits smoke)
Ted: What are you still doing smoking that thing?! (Squige looks quizzically at him.)
Squige: What?
Ted: Throw it down or something, would you? You don't want to get busted for something like that.
Squige: Like what? (Truman's conversation with his radio has ended. He approaches the two.)
Truman: I understand there's a noise violation of some sort?
Squige: Well, if it isn't Roscoe P Coltrain.
Ted: The noise violation left... Only this one remains. (Squige takes a puff. Truman notices and for a moment he and Ted stand in shock at the young mans complete lack of tact. Truman faces him and takes a few steps closer to him, now only a few feet from Squige. His hand is up and lowering, signaling for Squige to drop what is in his hand.)
Truman: Son...
Squige: Officer... (He nods as he says this, smoke curling out of his mouth with each pronounced syllable.)
Truman: Now... You just drop the marijuana and we can forget about all of this.
Squige: Pot? Whose got pot? Hey man, if you got it, I got the fucking papers. (Truman let's out a breath and shakes his head to himself in disappointment. Realization hits Squige.) Oh! I fucking get it! You think this smoke... (motions with it) Is reefer. Ha! (Laughs, then reaches into his pocket to grab something. when his hand goes to one of his deep pockets, Truman gets nervous and quickly draws his gun, pointing it at Squige. Squige freezes.)
Truman: Pull your hand out nice and slow. (Panicked, Squige yanks his hand from his pocket, a pack of tobacco in his hand. Truman pulls the trigger three consecutive times. Bam! Bam! Bam! Three bullet holes rip into Squige's chest and hi drops on his back to the ground. When he is about to hit the ground, the camera takes a ground level view. He lands right next to us, and when his head hits we flash right back to him standing dumb foundedly with his hand in his pocket and Truman holding the gun in his face as though no fires had ever been shot.)
Ted: I said pull your hand out. Slowly. (Squige obeys, pulling out his hand quite slowly. His hand contains a package of tobacco.)
Squige: I am smoking tobacco, officer. I roll my own cigarettes, look. (Hands the officer the small but still lit smoke. Truman takes it and unrolls it. Ted looks over his shoulder, watching.)
Ted: Well I'll be... There really is tobacco in there.
Squige: Yeah, no joke, man.
Truman: But what are these green shreds?
Squige: I can explain those too, officer. I got some legal cannabis out of an ad in a High Times magazine. If my friend didn't leave with my magazine in the back seat of his car, I'd show you... The high don't last as long as the good shit, but it ain't too bad for twenty-four bucks an ounce, y'know?
Truman: Get up against the cruiser, son. (Squige walks over to the cruiser and pops himself up to sit comfortably on the trunk.) Against the cruiser. (Squige gets down and faces the cruiser.) Put you're hands on the hood and spread your legs. (Squige obeys.)
Squige: Be gentle. (Truman pats him down.) Hey if my pants are wet, it's because I pissed myself when you whipped that gun out on me, you gung-ho mother fucker. (Truman pats him down once more, a bit more thoroughly.) Who the fuck are you anyway? Fuckin' Quick Draw McMotherFuckin'Graw? (Truman is finished and Squige turns around to face him, leaning up against the cruiser.) Crazy-ass mother fucker.
Truman: Now... there is still a small matter of trespassing... (He drops the cigarette to the ground.)
Squige: Who am I even bothering? (No reply) I mean... look around us. Who can I possibly be disturbing? Officer, your lights are causing more of a commotion than my presence has... In fact, had you not arrived, the spectators in the distance would never have noted my presence. (silence. Truman looks to Ted.)
Truman: Mr. Riley..?
Ted: He's right. I don't want to press charges. I don't mind them waiting here so long as they keep it quiet.
Truman: What are they even waiting for?
Squige: We're giving Lisa a ride home from work.
Truman: And what time does she get off?
Ted: Nine-thirty. But she probably won't be done until ten.
Truman: Ten?! They showed up two and a half hours early?!
Ted: They got here at six.
Truman: Four hours early?! (They both stare at Squige)
Squige: Hey man, don't look at me. I didn't drive. I didn't even know we were coming here.[/b]
Truman: Kids these days.
Squige: That's the small town society for you, officer. (Truman smirks a bit at the underlying complexities of such a simple statement.)
Truman: Will that be all, Mr. Riley?
Ted: Yeah, I think so. (Truman looks at Squige)
Truman: No more problems from you, ya hear?
Squige: Don't worry about it, man.
Truman: If I have to see you again tonight...
Squige: Don't worry about it, Quickdraw. I don't cause disturbances, disturbances cause me. (Every one is silent for a moment, contemplating what was said.)
Truman: That statement makes no sense what so ever.
Squige: It's a metaphor.
Truman: Yeah, I gathered that. But the statement makes no sense.
Squige: That's a matter of opinion.
Truman: Apparently. Good evening gentlemen. (Turns and begins to walk to his cruiser.)
Ted: Thanks allot, Officer Truman. (Truman tips his hat and gets into his cruiser, driving away. Squige and Ted stand uncomfortably beside one another.)
Squige: So...
Ted: I don't want any more problems out of you, Michael.
Squige: You got it, man.
Ted: And keep your friends music volume at a respectable level.
Squige:[b] All right.
(Silence)
[b]Ted: That really didn't make any sense you know?
Squige: What ever. (Ted shakes his head and laughs for a moment and walks away towards the rear entrance to the restaurant.) You fucking see what I mean? Dude don't know what to do when I'm reaching in my pocket. He freaks and whips out his gun. It's not like he's in a big city where there's a criminal population! He's in Blossumdale. Nothing exciting happens, so anything with even a remote tinge of excitement becomes unphathomably exciting. Back up arrives on speeding violations and shit. (He sits cross legged and takes of his shoe, dumping the contents into his lap then placing his shoe back on his foot. In his lap now is a bag of weed, from his pocket come papers and he proceeds to roll a joint, speaking little as he does so.) Fucking Gary takes the music with him... He better get back here soon... (Licks paper and finishes the joint rolling. A car pulls into the parking lot from the side street. Squige stands up to face it, throwing the bag and the joint into his pocket. It is Gary and Mikey. They pull into their spot, a few feet away from where Squige now stands.)
Squige: So there you are! It's about fucking time my loyal fucking friends return! (Gary and Mikey get out of the car and sit atop it. Gary on the roof again, Squige leaning up against the trunk, Mikey sitting on the hood.)
Gary: We saw the cruiser. What happened?
Squige: I passed the joint to him and he was cool. Ted joined in and everything is straight now. He said he really digs our music now and we can play it as loud as we want.
Mikey: Man, shut the fuck up.
Squige: Nah, man. Seriously.
(Mutual silence)
Gary: So really, Squige. What happened? (Squige stands before them basking in the glow of attention.)
Squige: Dude gets out of the car, right? And he's all like; "I understand you're causing a disturbance." So I say "I don't cause disturbances. Disturbances cause me."
Mikey: Awesome.
Gary: What the hell is that supposed to mean? (Squige glares evilly at him for a moment. Then motions a gun being drawn and aimed at Garys head.)
Squige: Dude's all "up against the cruiser." And what am I gonna do? He's got a gun, y'know? So I'm up against the cruiser hood and, Mikey, your neighbor is a fucking pervert. He start feeling me all up and down-
Mikey: He was frisking you.
Squige: Yeah he was rather frisky.
Mikey: No, he was seeing if you had anything on you.
Squige: I'll say.
Mikey: I mean-
Squige: Yeah, I know what you mean. But listen to me, y'all. He fucking wanted it.
Gary & Mikey: Shut up, Squige.
Squige: Seriously, guys. He started rubbing all up on my cock. So I reached back and grabbed him up in a headlock, and I just start pounding the shit out of him, right? I let go and he falls to his knees. Now, I'm about ready to feed it to him-
Gary: Man, shut the fuck up.
Mikey: You're fucking sick, man.
Squige: - but Ted came out with a baseball bat and broke it up.
Mikey: I have lived next door to the man for eight years now. He's not a homo. And even if he was, he wouldn't do something like that.
Squige: Go talk to the man tomorrow. Check his broken nose out.
Gary: No one is buying it Squige. (silence. Gary turns the radio on quietly. For a moment they sit listening to the music and absorbing the feel of excitement in their surroundings.)
Mikey: What time is it, anyway? (Gary looks at his watch)
Gary: It's a quarter to eight.
Mikey: So we got what? An hour? What time does she get off?
Gary: Nine thirty, ten.
Mikey: No shit. So what the hell are we doing here so early?
Squige: That's what I've been saying since we got here, man.
Gary: Lisa told me to be early.
Mikey: Yeah, but don't you think you're pushing it just a bit?
Gary: She's getting beer real cheap, so just shut up about it, all right?
Mikey: Yeah, man. All right.
Squige: Hey, you guys want to go smoke a joint in the woods?
Gary: Yeah, that'd be nice.
Mikey: I thought you got searched.
Squige: I did. It was in my shoe.
Gary: All right, man. Yeah I'm in.
Squige: What about you, Mikey?
Mikey: Nah, I'm cool. I think I'll just chill here while you guys go.
Squige: All right, dude. What ever. (Gary gets off of the roof and he and Squige begin to disappear into the distance to the woods behind the parking lot, talking along the way.)
Gary: Disturbances cause you...
Squige: That's right, man. That's what I told him.
Gary: That doesn't make sense.
Squige: Yeah it does, man.
Gary: Then what does it mean?
Squige: I uh... I haven't exactly worked that part out yet. (They are gone. We are left alone with Mikey, who sits atop the car where Gary sat before.)
Mikey: You can call me Mikey... Everyone else does. My name is Michael Hammens, but this has converted from the common association of 'Mike', because Squige has the name of. When I moved into this town a few years ago, I fell into this clique. Squige was still called Mike then, and so naturally I was tagged with Mikey. But then Squige got his name in his senior year of high school, a few years back. He was in a mathematics class and his teacher had a policy about not allowing people to leave her classes for any reason. And that included restroom activities. He had to take a shit and asked permission to go, saying "May I use the crapper?" She replied that he couldn't because of his course use of the English language... (Shakes his head) You've met him, right?... Is crapper really the worst thing you could imagine Squige saying? So he's like "Look. I'm about to piss my pants. May I go?" She said no, so he gave her the finger, apologized to the class and let a nice healthy Squige go in the corner of the class room. (He busts up laughing.) It was completely insane. I saluted him, myself being an anarchist and a fan to any anti-system propaganda. In fact... (He stands tall.) I salute him now... (salutes, than leans back up on the car.) Crazy mother fucker. (He stands still, not speaking, just staring at the ground for a while.) I wonder what sort of musical selection Gary has... (With that he gets in Garys car and looks through the stack of tapes within Garys car. He pops in INSERT BAND NAME and pushes the volume up. Mikey exits the car and sits atop the hood, legs dangling over the side, rocking his head to the beat of the music which blasts from the speakers. From the restaurant comes Ted, when he reaches the car Mikey gives him a nod and then promptly ignores him. Ted reaches in through the window and turns down the music and begins to walk away.)
Mikey: Hey! (Ted ignores him and keeps walking.) Hey, I'm talking to you, you old fuck! (Gets off the car and walks after him, Ted turning around to face him in the meantime.) What are you doing putting your grubby hands all over other peoples things?! Weren't you raised better, man? I mean... who the fuck do you are?!
Ted: I'm the manager.
Mikey: Oh! (Walks back to the car.) Shit. You're the manager?! (Hops in the car. Volume is cranked up, louder than before. Ted becomes red in the face.)
Ted: You little bastard! (Mikey flips him off, starts the car and drives away, his finger out the window the whole way. Ted is left standing there.)
Ted: Damn it! That stupid little punk! He's a dead man. A fucking dead man. (He flips the general direction the car went in the finger, then walks back to the restaurant. The camera is alone for a while, but in the distance we see Gary and Squige returning from the woods. They walk to where Mikey and the car where parked.)
Gary: What the hell, man? (They stand there for a while, Gary spinning around, Squige just standing there. Ted exits from the restaurant to greet Gary and Squige.)
Ted: Hey-
Gary: Hey, Ted. Where the fuck is my car?
Squige: That's what's missing.
(Looks around.)
Ted: Ask your friend when he comes back, the ignorant piece of shit.
Gary: Why what happened?
Ted: He cranked the volume up when I told him to turn it down, and he peeled out of the parking lot.
Gary: Shit!
Squige:[b/] What?
[b]Gary: Mikey... that little fuck stole my car!
Ted: Let that little punk know that he is in some serious trouble with me.
Squige: Yeah. That's intimidating. You don't even know who he is, what are you going to do?
Ted: Just... (Thinks, says nothing turns and leaves)
Gary: Shit!
Squige: What?
Gary: I can't believe he took my car!
Squige: Yeah, it sucks, man.
Gary: What a little asshole.
Squige: He'll bring it back, man. Don't worry about it.
Gary: I'm going to kill that little bastard.
Squige: I'm saying, Gary. It really sucks.
Gary: If there is a chip in the paint I'm nailing him to the hood by his nuts.
Squige: (nodding) It's gonna suck to be Mikey for a while... But don't you think nailing him to the hood would just chip the paint even more?
(silence)
Gary: Now what?
Squige: We could walk up to the gas station for a while. Get some forties, chill out in the a-fucking-c, man.
Gary: We gotta wait for Lisa.
Squige: Believe me, Gary. She's not going anywhere for a while.
Gary: What about Mikey?
Squige: What about him? He stole your fucking car.
Gary: Yeah, that little fuck.
Squige: Come on, Gary. I got cottonmouth like a bitch, man. I need some fucking beer in me.
Gary: All right, man.
Squige: What time is it anyway?
(Gary looks at his watch as they turn around to walk towards the paved lot.)
Gary: It's eight.
Squige: Damn. We still got another hour. (They reach the paved lot and the camera says at the boundary of the gravel lot.)
Gary: I can't believe he took my fucking car!
Squige: He'll be back.
Gary: I'm going to kill that little fuck.
(Gary and Squige are gone and the camera goes to focus on the wood land and the sun which sets behind it in fast motion, spilling its color on the screen in every point against the black trees.)