Mediocre Moose Maulings!!
After a very short walking distance, you reach the Fred Meyer in Mordor.
And for some reason it has added a volcano underneath the can opener aisle.
As you tread carefully through the store, the floor around you starts to give out. Why did they build a volcanoe underneath a store? Just stupid.
You leap onto the can opener shelf, and grab one, right as the whole shelf tips over, you swing to the edge of the floor, just barely grasping onto it, when you see Orpheus.
"Orpheus? What are you-"
the lava makes a large booming quake.
"Agh! Forget it! save me!"
"Give me the can opener, Jane."
"What?"
"I have been collecting can openers for eleven years. The ancient prophecy stats that once you gather enough of them together, you can summon the world's cuddliest, softest, cutest teddy bear. I want it." This has to be the only time you've ever seen Orpheus talking so seriously.
"Orpheus, this isn't funny, I'm going to die! Grab my hand!"
"Give me the can opener!"
"But destiny has given me one can opener and it was not meant for you!"
"I control my own destiny. Now give me the can opener and all shall come to a happy end."
You then remembered you have a jetpack and fly back to safety.
Orpheus pounces you and gnaws off your finger. Luckily you're a godless mockery of life and can feel no pain.
"You want it! Take it!" You then throw the can opener into the volcano. "My teddy bear! No!"
Well you're not sure which Zelda will be more distressed about, losing her best friend, or her can opener. Probably the latter.
Once you return~
"You WHAT?"
"I'm sorry, Zelda, but he looked like he was going to kill me, Orpheus is in a better place though."
"Forget Orpheus! Now how am I going to open this can?!"
"You could always use one of the thousands and thousands we have lying around the hous-"
"SCREW YOU! You can go play around outside if you want, but I'm going to go watch the news, bitch!"
Thank goodness it's Friday! :3
And for some reason it has added a volcano underneath the can opener aisle.
As you tread carefully through the store, the floor around you starts to give out. Why did they build a volcanoe underneath a store? Just stupid.
You leap onto the can opener shelf, and grab one, right as the whole shelf tips over, you swing to the edge of the floor, just barely grasping onto it, when you see Orpheus.
"Orpheus? What are you-"
the lava makes a large booming quake.
"Agh! Forget it! save me!"
"Give me the can opener, Jane."
"What?"
"I have been collecting can openers for eleven years. The ancient prophecy stats that once you gather enough of them together, you can summon the world's cuddliest, softest, cutest teddy bear. I want it." This has to be the only time you've ever seen Orpheus talking so seriously.
"Orpheus, this isn't funny, I'm going to die! Grab my hand!"
"Give me the can opener!"
"But destiny has given me one can opener and it was not meant for you!"
"I control my own destiny. Now give me the can opener and all shall come to a happy end."
You then remembered you have a jetpack and fly back to safety.
Orpheus pounces you and gnaws off your finger. Luckily you're a godless mockery of life and can feel no pain.
"You want it! Take it!" You then throw the can opener into the volcano. "My teddy bear! No!"
Well you're not sure which Zelda will be more distressed about, losing her best friend, or her can opener. Probably the latter.
Once you return~
"You WHAT?"
"I'm sorry, Zelda, but he looked like he was going to kill me, Orpheus is in a better place though."
"Forget Orpheus! Now how am I going to open this can?!"
"You could always use one of the thousands and thousands we have lying around the hous-"
"SCREW YOU! You can go play around outside if you want, but I'm going to go watch the news, bitch!"
Thank goodness it's Friday! :3
