Ultros The Octopus
Being an octopus, you are not an expert on beets. Not being an expert on beets, you are ill-equipped to make such a dire decision.
No matter! With great effort, you manage to flip open your phone (it seems a non-flippy one would have been a better choice for an un-dexterous octopus such as yourself). In your phone book, you find what you are looking for: DIAL-A-COSSACK!
"Da?" asks Vasily wearily.
"Vasily, it's me, Ultros!"
"Ultroshkin! How are you you stupid shquid?"
"I'm an octopus. And I'm in trouble."
"Wat eez it? I'm tired!"
"I am in Uncle Boris' House of Borscht and he is forcing me to choose between two beets. One is poisonous and the other would make a most tasty borscht!"
"Mmmm I lav borscht! Almost as mach as vwodka, but not quite! Opaaaa!!!"
You remain silent in quiet octopussish desperation.
"Vwell," Vasily says finally. "Vwat do dee beets look like?"
"One is reddish purplish and the other is glowing silver."
"Opaaa! I would not take a silver beet, niet! Cheap ukrainski beet from Chernobyl, soor to keel you by six this evening!"
"By six this evening! That's not even a day from now!"
"Go avay now, my friend. Vasily never keep vwodka waitink!"
"Thanks, buddy!"
"Dasvidanya."
Well, Vasily seemed pretty sure. But are you sure he's sure? What if his assurance is not a sure assurance but rather an unsurance sure to ruin you?
Surely this can't be fair!
No matter! With great effort, you manage to flip open your phone (it seems a non-flippy one would have been a better choice for an un-dexterous octopus such as yourself). In your phone book, you find what you are looking for: DIAL-A-COSSACK!
"Da?" asks Vasily wearily.
"Vasily, it's me, Ultros!"
"Ultroshkin! How are you you stupid shquid?"
"I'm an octopus. And I'm in trouble."
"Wat eez it? I'm tired!"
"I am in Uncle Boris' House of Borscht and he is forcing me to choose between two beets. One is poisonous and the other would make a most tasty borscht!"
"Mmmm I lav borscht! Almost as mach as vwodka, but not quite! Opaaaa!!!"
You remain silent in quiet octopussish desperation.
"Vwell," Vasily says finally. "Vwat do dee beets look like?"
"One is reddish purplish and the other is glowing silver."
"Opaaa! I would not take a silver beet, niet! Cheap ukrainski beet from Chernobyl, soor to keel you by six this evening!"
"By six this evening! That's not even a day from now!"
"Go avay now, my friend. Vasily never keep vwodka waitink!"
"Thanks, buddy!"
"Dasvidanya."
Well, Vasily seemed pretty sure. But are you sure he's sure? What if his assurance is not a sure assurance but rather an unsurance sure to ruin you?
Surely this can't be fair!