The Great Adventure of Aaron Appelapolous
Your skin pales and your knees quake. Freddie's voracious grin broadens. You whip around to run away but Freddie grabs your shirt and you snap backward like an elastic band.
"GRAB HIM!" Freddie orders Butthead. The two of them take you kicking and screaming into the Boy's bathroom. Beavis, who has just finished taking a wee grabs you without washing his hands.
You are stretched across between Butthead and Beavis like a hammock. Freddie Jones' blubber face hangs over you and grins again, revealing a straight set of baked-bean teeth.
"Wanna swirly, Appelass?" he licks his lips.
"Does that have anything to do with ice cream?" you ask hopefully.
"Sure!" Freddie cackles, "A WHOLE mouthful!"
You squint your eyes and think hard. Could this be some sort of trick? Or has Freddie finally turned over a new leaf and become a kinder, giving person?
"Why sure, Freddie." you smile up at him happily, "I'm glad to see you've turned from the Dark Side at last!"
"ALLLriGHT then! Are you ready?" Freddie Jones belches.
You nod your head eagerly and open your mouth wide.
"How come 'ee gets som'icecream?" Beavis pouts.
Freddie turns to him momentarily and snaps, "If you want some you'll just have to wait your turn!"
Freddie opens a bathroom stall and peers in.
"No, too clean." he shakes his head and wanders over to the middle stall. He tries the door, which appears to be locked, and then smashes it open with his bouncy belly.
There's a small squeak from inside.
"Get out." Freddie snarls. A little first-grader shuffles out of the stall at high speed with his pants around his ankles and toilet paper stuck to his shoe.
"Perfect." Fred beams down at you. He then grabs your small figure from his two companions, and in one swift motion he slam dunks you head first into the toilet. A toilet, unfortunately, quite recently used.
"How long can you hold your breath?" You can hear Freddie chortle from above the mirky water. The bully's sausage fingers then close around the toilet's handle and push it down, giving you your first chocolate swirly.
You rise up into the air, gasping for breath, as soon as Freddie lets you go. Him and his gang stumble out of the bathroom, convulsing with laughter.
You sit on the dirty tiles, dripping wet, and cursing your unfortunate life. One day you'll get back at Freddie Jones.
Perhaps when he's a quadriplegic. Or in a coma... or in any other completely indefensible position.
Someday.
"GRAB HIM!" Freddie orders Butthead. The two of them take you kicking and screaming into the Boy's bathroom. Beavis, who has just finished taking a wee grabs you without washing his hands.
You are stretched across between Butthead and Beavis like a hammock. Freddie Jones' blubber face hangs over you and grins again, revealing a straight set of baked-bean teeth.
"Wanna swirly, Appelass?" he licks his lips.
"Does that have anything to do with ice cream?" you ask hopefully.
"Sure!" Freddie cackles, "A WHOLE mouthful!"
You squint your eyes and think hard. Could this be some sort of trick? Or has Freddie finally turned over a new leaf and become a kinder, giving person?
"Why sure, Freddie." you smile up at him happily, "I'm glad to see you've turned from the Dark Side at last!"
"ALLLriGHT then! Are you ready?" Freddie Jones belches.
You nod your head eagerly and open your mouth wide.
"How come 'ee gets som'icecream?" Beavis pouts.
Freddie turns to him momentarily and snaps, "If you want some you'll just have to wait your turn!"
Freddie opens a bathroom stall and peers in.
"No, too clean." he shakes his head and wanders over to the middle stall. He tries the door, which appears to be locked, and then smashes it open with his bouncy belly.
There's a small squeak from inside.
"Get out." Freddie snarls. A little first-grader shuffles out of the stall at high speed with his pants around his ankles and toilet paper stuck to his shoe.
"Perfect." Fred beams down at you. He then grabs your small figure from his two companions, and in one swift motion he slam dunks you head first into the toilet. A toilet, unfortunately, quite recently used.
"How long can you hold your breath?" You can hear Freddie chortle from above the mirky water. The bully's sausage fingers then close around the toilet's handle and push it down, giving you your first chocolate swirly.
You rise up into the air, gasping for breath, as soon as Freddie lets you go. Him and his gang stumble out of the bathroom, convulsing with laughter.
You sit on the dirty tiles, dripping wet, and cursing your unfortunate life. One day you'll get back at Freddie Jones.
Perhaps when he's a quadriplegic. Or in a coma... or in any other completely indefensible position.
Someday.