jamestkirk

OMG, your story sounds stupid from the beginning! :P Total stinker, I mean, that's just my opinion, don't take it seriously, but could you use actual people names, and not like weird Japanese names like Sasuki, or whatever that one persons name was, and what's with the being connected to each other and stuff? Are they dating or something? Man, try to use real names, like Ashley, or Robert.

I think before you release your story to the public, you should check for spelling errors and things like that, because I found quite a few. The story wa good really, there were just a few spelling errors.

This is my story, and I know I shouldn't be adding a comment but this is not a comment. Thank you for placing a comment! I just wanted to say that. Thank You.

It was an O.k story, and very good for a first, but you need to seperate the dialouge and let us know who's saying what. Other than that it was very good, and such a big vocab! Woo! Ummm, yeah, that's my rating. Write more stories!

I like your story, although it would be nicer if when you take the girl back to your place you could do more than just get in the hot-tub, but other than that, it was a good story.