retlin

I agree with the people above. You should seperate your thoughts with paragraphs, instead of lumping them in a large segment. Very good story line. Keep coming up with new ideas and stories.

pretty good story line. However, there should be more than 2 or three choices per room. Also, you should say who the people are and fix your gramatical and spelling errors. This would make the story better in my opinion. Good job and keep the stories coming out.

A prtty good job for a first story. You should probbably add a few more rooms so about all of your choices end in about the same spot.(some end in like 2 rooms) also, if something is only in your school like that choics thing, you should probbably do the room where you go to choices. This would make it better, because it would be more accurate.

Good job. The ending could have been better, more riddles would have been nice to. Also, you should explain the riddle on the next page if you get it right, this would make it better. I can't wait to read mor of these stories.

I like the thought of including everyone in one story, leaving noone out. I also liuke hw anyone can write a part about themselves.

Good story.(If you read this delete the room I added, it wasnt supposed to be the way it was. One of my friends screwed iot up.)

good story. I only took the good path so...

Boring. you couldnt get into it. Also you didnt describe the person.

This was a GREAT story. I think you did a really good job.

This story is really good. 1 thing though, but you mght not wanna take it from me cause im a newb, but I thought that some things should not be so bad. Other than that it was a great stroy.

Your story is pretty bad. You dont have enough detailor length. The story is over before you get into it.

that story is good. I hink it would b better however if all the roots went abou the same length(loose endings all being at the same spot in the story) other than that, it is really good.

Its good, but in one of the choices "take out the machine gunner first" or whatever, you make it so the reader take out the radio person first. You should actually kill the machine gunner first I think.
Also, I liked your knowledge of the sniper and how you used the terms.

this story is great. you should try to finish it up though