michaelrayholt

Totally sub-par for you, Apoth.

You didn't even keep a running tally (which would've been nice) - you know: $.08, $.16, $.32, etc. ...

Also, near the end, you make reference to things which one would assume would be graphically represented which aren't, which is frustrating.

Well, they WEREN'T working, at least.

Thanks for the goad, DEP. That should get me going a little later. ;)

Never let anyone tell you that writing FIVE stories in one isn't extremely difficult, BTW.

Well, now that I've done this, End is sure to reset the ratings for sure... right? :)

Perhaps you've never put this much THOUGHT into a story before, perhaps you've never hit on a genre agreeable to me, perhaps I'm waking up from a long nap... I don't know. This was a very enjoyable read.

Even with my eye for detail, I don't remember any out-and-out errors (although you may want to change "Narrow minded focus on killing someone" on the first page to "Narrow mindedly focusing...") that were so grievous as to destroy my concentration.

I particularly enjoyed the fact that some pictures had captions, much like there would be in an ACTUAL book. Have you considered having this published, by the way?

Excellent work. I only wish I could focus on any ONE story long enough to do the same.

Vesnicie will hate me for this, but as Apoth (or somebody, I forget) pointed out, I can be a penis sometimes.

I know the misspelling in the title was intentional, but I don't care. I really do hate that sort of thing.

That, coupled with the random spelling errors (got to love those collaborative efforts) and the thinly veiled male-bashing just knocked the story down a bit.

Not being a feminist, I don't think I could've allowed this to top the charts.

Honestly.

It's like fast food... a bit tasty, but over far too quickly.

Take some real time on your next work.

The horrible dog at the end and the few mistakes must indeed be overlooked because of the sheer quantity of Ms, Rs, and Hs in this story.

High quality work, verily. I must indeed be Lucifer's older brother (or something).

Wow. To be gone for months and then come back to such a welcome... I'm truly blessed.

Keep it up, Apoth.

It's not so much the every-now-and-then spelling and grammar errors that bring about this rating, but rather your horrific lack of knowledge of castle construction and siege warfare.

There never has been nor will there ever be enough metal from meteoritic material fallen on the entire Earth (let alone just a singular province) to construct an entire fortress from it. There's not been enough to even COAT a fortress's WALLS with it. Having so little actual material available, it's too severe a suspension of disbelief to ask of the reader.

Also, in addition to other forms of siege warfare, most likely all THREE attack methods you mention in the crusader campaign would have been used SIMULTANEOUSLY. To suggest otherwise is laughably ludicrous.

If you NEED input of a medieval nature, Apoth, you KNOW that you can come to me. (The English Master just also happens to be the resident medieval expert.) You're better than this, unless I remember incorrectly.

Are the pictures not coming up for anyone else?

And why, dear apoth, does Net Nanny find day 20 offensive? I would like to know, sir.

If you're a guy and you can't at least laugh at the absolute absurdity (coupled with remarkably truthful clarity) that is present in this story, then please...

by all means...

GET OUT of my gender! You're a menace to representative mankind everywhere and you need to have your ovaries removed. >:P

The writing is a couple clicks transcendant of "above average" => 9.
However, there are a few punctuational and grammatical errors => 8.
On the other hand, you've introduced me to a couple new words (impressive) => 9.
And you DO play Eternal Duel...

Eh, why not? I haven't given one in a while.

10!

This is a nice, story (honestly).

But I agree with someone that mentioned this before... there should be at least ONE good ending!

Endmaster: Hey fucktard, can't take some criticism eh? Erasing your ratings ain't gonna help, in fact it just proves how fucking intimidated you are of me. Here's your 1! :D

Let's see... I can either A) keep a 1 from a moron that uses words like "fucktard" because if I erase it I must be "intimidated" by him (Ooo!), or B) erase it to show him how worthless his opinion of me is anyway and prove that his verbal taunt didn't work.

I think I'm going with B... <i>loser!</i>

You'll never have a 10 story as long as I draw breath.

Feeling froggy? So am I, then.

Feeling froggy? So am I, then.

I was about to rate this story an 8 for the spelling error I found, but I couldn't get over one glaringly obvious fact...

3 out of 5 of these child prodigies (worldwide, mind you!) came from a space about the size of Suncom's satellite footprint. That's right: VA, NC, and SC... out of the WHOLE WORLD. That's far too much of a suspension of disbelief for me! I mean, Virginia I can see (Hell, I'M a genius, and was born there.), but North and South Carolina where inbreeding rules and when you don't see rebel flag bumper stickers it's those annoying "Save you confederate money, boys! The South gon' rise agin!" ones? No, no, no. I'm not buying that horse poo.

Also, I've been to Kenbridge. My best friend used to live there. It's a TOWN (albeit small) with gorgeous Victorian houses (all unlocked, of course) and farms. No communes in sight - sorry.

It's a decent premise with above-average execution, but you ask too much of the reader. Also, it's a bit droll.

I am honestly impressed. This story was a well-written work. I'm surprised it's taken me this long to get around to it.

It would have been a 9 (for spelling and placement errors), but it's really a crime that you haven't added onto this story since February. It's like you just wanted to get it over the "20 rooms" level to be searchable and then abandoned it entirely. Bad form, monkeyman.

The detail is there, but at times it seems as though you're describing something without actually giving the reader any idea what it is that they see. It's hard to explain, but you can't give details to which the reader cannot relate. Reread the first description of the key and see if you don't understand what I'm saying.

A few minor spelling gaffes, but nothing too distracting. I think perhaps your descriptions would do well to "kick it up a notch". You've got an excellent gift, I think.

Oh, and you tended to lose me right around the naked dude part. I know you're a female and all, but naked dudes don't really appeal to a broad audience. Think of art from the past - more naked guys, or more naked chicks? Exactly.

Overall, not bad. Keep up the good work.

Chubby, you've got a winner here. I wish the story was less linear, but that's just my selfish wants for it.

I'm taking off for not being able to bang the hell out of Bertha yet (-1), but the sweet medieval music more than makes up for it (+1). I was just sitting here listening to it. It's really late, too, though. Still, it's cool.

I didn't even find any errors, for crying out loud! This is the most deserved 10 since "CRACK ATTACK!".

Geez, Drag! I've never seen something so well-organized before. HTML banners and different fonts and colors... you've outdone yourself.

However, I was expecting visual porn, not just written porn (-1). Then again, I laughed when I read the words "bony pony" (+1). But then again, I caught several errors during my reading (-1).

You come out with a 9. Not too shabby.

Who the <i>deuce</i> keeps writing on this stupid story?

I didn't think it would be possible for something to be very much WORSE than "Another Monday Morning".

I was wrong.

Terribly random...
Terribly poor writing...
Terribly inane...

Just terrible.

Since there's no real way to add to the contributor's list the way I'm doing this, I'll go ahead and post my contributors' additions <i>here</i>.

Usoki was responsible for most of the material in room 39704 (AKA - The main character meets Usoki the Alchemist). Subsequent dialogue and what-not is expected soon.

So as not to have anyone get the wrong idea and attribute any more importance to the name of the country (Illistria) than they should, I thought I'd explain why it's in a different font <i>here</i>.

Well, it just looked like three lower-case Ls in the other font. This was the best way I knew to fix it. Sorry if it throws anyone off.

Engaging story?
Completely mature?
Totally spelling error-free?

Yeah, right.

Who misspells "banished"?

I was thinking, hey, she screwed up the title, but maybe the story is okay. Wrong.

One room.
One lousy plot.
One big bunch of spelling errors.
One predictable writer.

(What should I rate this...?)

Oh... my... God,... Usoki.

DAMN FINE WORK! (I probably wouldn't have noticed the one mistake I caught if you hadn't have drawn attention to the fact that you shifted back to past tense in a sentence that began in present tense. Well, that, and the choice about the teachers leaving the students alone had a superfluous comma. So two mistakes. Oh well.)

I don't hand out 10's lightly, but this was superb work! Thank God your writing style is NOTHING like mine, or you'd be SERIOUS competition!

I swear, this was funnier than "E-bay" and about as random as Chubby's drug-induced ramblings! Pure wow, that's all I can say.

If you don't get this story up to 20 rooms and post it, it'll be a travesty. Hell, I'll even try to help you. (Forgive me if my comedy seems far more subtle.)

You know what? I looked back, and those mistakes I mentioned were actually made in the room ChubbyT made! You are, without a doubt, (with the exception of myself - you KNEW I'd go there) UNPARALLELED on this site!

If there were an 11, I'd be ashamed of myself not to award it here. Good work should be recognized, and THIS was extraordinary!

-1 for the spelling (as usual),
-1 for the "don't eat poop" section (flagrant punnish narcissism),
-1 because you suck (HA HA!),
+1 for the Carry Love Tunnel ride!

Damn you, poopy! Damn you and such.

I don't think I read the original (NCP's), but this one was pretty entertaining nonetheless. When I read, the grandmother died - and it wasn't on purpose.

I was hoping that the story would be as witty as the title seems to be.

...it wasn't.

Because I feel like it, that's why. You danged whipper-snappers!

Hooray for slow browsers. Ignore the first 4 comments - the last one is how I wanted it to read, damn it.

For instructions on how this new venue "Infinite Castle Epic" is going to work, please see my entry in the Forum "Creative Writing Discussion" called <i>Throwing down the gauntlet!!!</i>

For instructions on how this new venue "Infinite Castle Epic" is going to work, please see my entry in Forum "Creative Writing Discussion" called <i>Throwing down the gauntlet!!!</i>

For instructions on how this new venue "Infinite Castle Epic" is going to work, please see my entry in Forum "Creative Writing Discussion" called <i>Throwing down the gauntlet!!!</i>

For instructions on how this new venue "Infinite Castle Epic" is going to work, please see my entry in Forum "Creative Writing Discussion" called <i>Throwing down the gauntlet!!!</i>

For instructions on how this new venue "Inifinite Castle Epic" is going to work, please see my entry in Forum "Creative Writing Discussion" called <i>Throwing down the gauntlet!!!</i>

Since there'll be no way to identify the contributors, (and for those who don't recognize my influence on the writing) I thought it appropriate to mention here that I was the originator of Phoenix Stalker.

And as far as I know, Endmaster did Dr. Metzger. If he wants to post a comment, he knows where these silly things are.

Once again, big thanks go out to DEP for this sweet idea. I'm sure we'll all enjoy working on it.

Damn it, I can't believe I misspelled "privileges". I now officially hate that word.

Also, a thought just hit me.

If anyone wants to add to this story, simply submit your room to me (most will fail the first time - don't worry about that, though) and I'll correct whatever spelling, grammatical, or thematic elements are <i>absolutely necessary</i> and then I'll email it back to you on this site. From there, simply copy and paste what I sent back into the room you originally wanted to add to and resubmit it. I'll approve it, and your name will be added to the illustrious list of contributors.

The reason I'm doing it this way is that I want everyone that submits something to get full credit for it (as I found out the hard way how it <i>wouldn't</i> work another way with a good writer and friend of mine on another story). I welcome all contributions! (And please don't be taken aback by my Editor tendencies. I'm just a bit of a perfectionist. It makes for great stories, though, trust me.)

Okay, I guess the only thing that might really reflect Laharl from Disgaea (now that I'm writing Devil Boy) will be his attitude and Special Attacks perhaps.

Other than that, this seems to be turning into more of a Disgaea: Hour of Darkness meets Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude. Kind of a spoofy Final Fantasy X, if you will.

Ah, screw it. It's going to be good, anyway. Just read it.

DEP, you were too kind. "Hungo", there's a place for ebonics in these kinds of stories: it's called QUOTATIONS. Narrators don't talk like they can't pass ghetto grade-school English. To take a quote from your idiotic story:

"You got assed out. Start over, bitch!"

Hilarious! I never thought I'd say this, but you've really improved, DEP! Not just with the spelling and grammar (and by the way, it's "passers-by" instead of "passer-byes"), but you've improved totally - comprehensively. I wish we had .5's, because I seriously want to give this a 9.5 (as I was thinking 9.4), but I guess I'll have to round down, darn it.

Keep up the good work! I got the 50-foot-woman killing the Village of the Damned kids ending. Priceless.

I guess that's what happens when you rate your own shit (and trust me, I do mean SHIT)... you get to see your name at the top for a brief shining moment - that is, until someone with a modicum of sense comes behind you and reads your schlock.
This story shall be banished to the bottom of the stacks where it belongs!

HOLY SHIT!! I've always wondered what it would've been like if one of those turtles banged April in the pooper... sweetness, donteatpoop. Sweetness.

Man, I HATE it when I "wake up to the sounds of tarffic"!
What a buzzkill.

I liked most of the story, and the parts I wrote. Ah, but who can judge based solely on that?

The spelling mistakes and simplicity hurt you, but the glaring Biblical errors hurt you MORE.
For example: the Bible never says how many cherubim (plural of cherub) were placed at the east of the garden of Eden, but you assume seven. Nice number, but insupportable. Also, you assume that since the cherubim were placed east of the garden, that that is the only entrance... also insupportable. God just drove them out west and they knew better than to come back that way.
But your biggest flaw was assuming the garden exists in modern times, when the garden was most likely destroyed in the flood. In fact, the Bible itself says that the Tree of Life (the only recorded garden survivor) is in the New Jerusalem, which has yet to descend to the New Earth from Heaven (peruse Revelation 21 & 22). Sorry, but this story is too much bunk to pass off all at once, SavedbyGrace.

Both your story descriptions say this is "funny".
Um, no. It's not.

I can't believe I've never rated this story. I mean, such a gem among gems of absolutely mindless drivel hasn't garnered my attention yet? No!
This story sucks worse than Tony Danza in an acting contest.
...<i>That's</i> gotta hurt.

Who CARES what a teenager wants? They don't know shit about anything anyway.
Also, I think your pseudonym would be more fitting if you took off the "Scott2" and left the "Spaz".

A MASTERPIECE!!! Only one word could be said to describe this - GENIUS!! Oh, wait... where am I? Oh, shit. My bad, I thought I was rating one of MY stories.
<i>THIS</i>, on the other hand, is a taint. (And I don't mean just a smear on your record, I'm talking about the space of skin between a person's balls and ass. Yes, this story is that shitty.)

Sharp, is it?
After reading this one-roomer, I'm convinced you should insert the prefix "NotSo".

Okay, a KID knocks you down, and then you want to go to Chuck E. Cheese's or a <i>BAR?!?</i>
Should the protagonist be 11 or 21? When you decide, start writing again.

Nice story... oh, wait - there ISN'T one.

This story reminds me of Karate Kid 2. Not the fact that it was written as badly... more the scene where that anus Ralph Macchio says, "Live or die, man..."
Bugz2004, when faced with the same choice in your story, I chose: "Wrong! HONK!!"

Wow, it must suck to get the wind tangled in your hair... dipwad.
Oh, and if you <i>must</i> include pictures, make them have SOMETHING to do with the story. Okeedokee?

The mkitchen? A <i>pale</i> of water???
Write again on this story after you've graduated middle school.

Everyone, a warm round of applause for JIGGAMAN, the hooker serial killer/stockpiler!!
Just awful.

Stupid.

What kind of lamewad WRITES this shit?!? And why do they invariably LEAVE these festering piles of crap ON this site after writing only 1-10 rooms??? Delete your <i>moronic tripe</i> already!!

Three questions: 1) Who the hell are these characters, (Explain.) 2) why the hell should I care enough about them to actually <i>read</i> this infantile crap, (This is where you would give me a reason.) and 3) OMIGOSH!! Why dont U rite sum MORE?!? LOL BYOB BBQ ROFL!!! *giggles!*

You've got to be kidding me, right, Mikala? Who wants to read a story where the main target "love interest" is some never-was/never-gonna-be Mickey Mouse Club-singer that looks like Hillary Duff on steroids... MINUS about 10 years of age?!?

To quote your vapid narrative: "Sorry.....not! You're slob!"

The only thing someone named "theknight" can think of is that something tickled your "bum" and you were killed by "poo"?!? Perhaps this should go in the Fantasy section - if we HAD a Sick, Suicidal, Scatological Fantasy section, that is.

Stupid, stupid blather... (That's a 1.) but the idea of a baton-passing story was interesting and original... (Up to an 8.) but it had spelling errors... (Down to a 7.) and the rooms were too short... (Down to a 5.)

...and let's not forget it was REALLY stupid. (Sorry, a 3.)

I don't see why this is Sci-Fi, but if you don't keep working on this story, you're a goof. This shows promise - now show some <i>more</i>.

Too bad that in your "backpack full of supplies" there wasn't a decent plot... or more than one stupid room.

What is <i>with</i> you people that haven't added onto your stories since 2004? Oh, wait - you realized that they're SHIT. I get it.

I see homer's advice about "adding on" wasn't taken. Here's some advice: DROP OFF - like <i>delete</i> this piece of crap!

Typical NCPolice. Excellent background and good research and character development, but shallow and rife with spelling errors. Those are your ONLY flaws, NCP! Please correct them so I can give you a 10 on something! PLEASE.

If I had the amount of estrogen flowing through my veins that was necessary to ponder giving a "cute" guy a ride for as long as THIS story handles it, I'd be watching Lifetime.

Other than that, a decent story.

Why is it that anyone involved in a collaborative work always chooses to rate it like it's a pearl among stones? The story itself was entertaining and fairly well-written. However, most rooms were entirely too short and (in my opinion) a third party story has not NEARLY the flexibility that this story suggests. I mean, granted, we ARE on the I-S site, but certain givens should be maintained THROUGHOUT a story, not dictated entirely by the reader. The very fact that the man behind you is either a chemist or someone sent to follow you by some bratty little fat girl dependant totally on what the reader decides is preposterous.

The thing that saved this rating from being much less is my Devil's advocate side, which thinks this idea is incredibly original and long overdue - a story actually dictated (to whatever degree that is possible) by the wanton desires of the READER. This, I think (perhaps) is the original intent of even so far back as CYOA - the reader chooses what the story is. You'd rather he was a chemist? Fine. You'd prefer the tragedy that would ensue if he was actually sent by the sister? Fine.

Therefore, a seven. (whew)

A decent premise done better later in
"A Story About All Of Us". Also, any prominent worth this story may have had has been too far obscured by the italics (which, yes, are annoying) and the plethora of spelling errors, which are easily remedied.

This should be relegated to the middle of the proverbial stack.

Spelling errors aside, I couldn't stop myself from thinking, "Zentrum: more complete from mage to shrink!" Yes, I realize no one will possibly ever get that, but I had to do it.

Pretty well written and the author seems as though he/she was serious about it... last YEAR. Unfortunately, just another example of a reader/writer that was only here for a few months.

Also, the "This room under construction!" endings were inane, seeing as how the I-S engine already allows for when a choice has no room behind it.

Insipid, puerile drivel. There's no excuse for this story to exist.

A brilliant idea with poor execution is a scourge. The reader of this story will always be thinking the exposition could be more fluid, the narratives clearer, and the descriptions ARE allowed to make sense and be cumulative, even in a Sci-Fi memory/time travel story. This is like a succulent filet mignon with all the trimmings served in a dirty dog dish.
Nearly inexcusable.

Loved the story, loved the work. Another grand slam for Morathi (and friends).

Didn't like the spelling errors and brevity, however. This is something that DEFINITELY should've been worked on more recently than December '03.

A well-written story, despite the spelling errors. One question, though:

Wolves have lips?

I'm so conflicted right now. On the one hand, the story had spelling errors (a 9-able offense for the BEST of stories). On the other hand, the story used a word in the correct context that I had truthfully NEVER heard in my life - that alone is a feat the likes of which cannot be MEASURED on a 1-10 scale!

On the one hand, I'm in a fuck-it mood because I've been up for way longer than usual and my headache AND acid are coming back simultaneously. But on the other hand, I read EVERY DAMN ROOM of this story (something I normally only reserve for mine).

Fuck it - I'll ten it. Oh, and how the hell did you find so many Eminem songs in a MIDI (I think that's what those are) format? Shit, I need some sleep.

Wacky... and remarkably well-written with few spelling errors.

Disliked: 1) that you don't find out more about yourself, and 2) that killing the girl inevitably seems to lead toward your own insanity. Can't a protagonist just be EVIL anymore?

Never insult my IQ! Canada is a MONARCHY, dumb-ass!! A-durr, the QUEEN is on their money, they have a PARLIAMENT... any of this ring a bell?

Oh, and they're about as anti-American as nazis are anti-Semetic. Fuck Canada. We shouldn't HAVE to have a reason to invade them. They're just jealous that A) they're often mistaken to be America, Jr., B) the separatists live in North America but don't know the language, and C) they helped prove Hillary to be a blistering idiot by having a "universal" health care system that SUCKS ASS.

GOD, I'm so mad right now I could toss a dwarf...
...AT CANADA!

Too obtuse.

Also, I agree with donteatpoop - WHY the hell is Esther looking for something that hasn't been seen for hundreds of years exactly?!? A) Dragons, idealized as much as they are, could not possibly have had that long of a lifespan, and B) Something that's been missing THAT long and NOT needed for THAT long had better have a HELLUVA explanation behind its sudden urgent necessity before the average adventurer starts out. Sheesh.

The movies were inane, the books are puerile, and this writing actually makes me wish I were blind so I'd not have to endure it. Blech.

Honestly, how much pot do you have to smoke to rate this story a TEN??

Christ Almighty, this is shit.

I actually found myself drawn into this one more than I would normally allow myself to be for a vampire/zombie story. Mostly well-written with few spelling errors.
The depressing nature and genre of the story do more to hurt it than help, however. Someone that bad off with no human contact around would have killed THEMSELF long before the drawn-out fighting with the vampires. What "pursuit of happiness" can you get in a world like that? (And you honestly expect us to believe this guy would go for the olives before the "smut" mags? Riiiiight.)

I think you'd like a story I read a long time ago entitled "Z for Zachariah" by Robert O'Brien. The protagonist lives on with animal company until she meets someone else, which adds the hook to the story. I think what made it better was that she found happiness and meaning in her pointless life even before the hook, you know? Your story needs a shot in the arm of hope.

Eh, my two cents, anyway.

It may just be that I don't like military-type stories. God knows I hated my six years in.

But I also really can't get over the fact that you don't bother at all with your spelling - the stories would be so high quality if you did. This would be akin (most likely) to the irritation you'd feel if I misaligned a sight you'd worked long and hard to have bulls-eye accurate, or if I took your favorite knife and sharpened it with a file instead of a stone. That would probably bug the shit out of you. PLEASE, NCPolice - something tells me you're better than this. Prove me right.

Badly written blather - but worse than that, it's "I-am-woman-hear-me-roar"-soaked blather written for TWO DAYS back in '03.
This needs to go to the bottom of the pile like yesterday.

Nice pic, NCPolice. I don't think I've seen an "About the Author" on any other works of yours. Perhaps something you did just once to try it?

Okay, I'm sorry, but I just can't get over seeing the word "experience" misspelled that many times. If you were to write a resume, would you misspell it there, too? Dude, I love what you do with your stories, but please spell-check them. Also, the musical things are great, but just slightly annoying. (Is MIDI/Wav the only formats that this site supports? I should probably ask Justin, but I'm sure you know.)

You've got to be kidding. Could we have a little background before we're thrown into the random vagueness of this story, please?

And how do you misspell "family"?!

Blindingly arbitrary, this could have been done much better. It was like reading something out of Reader's Digest true life stories... that is, if they let kids with A.D.D. author any contributions (not likely).

How can you spell Antarctic wrong and then right in the same paragraph?

Ridiculous. This kid was honest with his mom and then still is unscrupulous enough to sneak out ten minutes later? The path I took had this kid drunk in less than three cups of BEER. Totally unbelievable... and we're supposed to catch what the continual allusion to "Rush Hour" is without an explanation? I know his high school friend isn't Jackie Chan, so what the hell?!?

Actually, I was going to give this a 7, but no. That Rush Hour thing is pissing me off.

Not badly written, few spelling errors, and the contributors actually add to (rather than detract from) the story's compelling nature.
Entirely too short, however. Write more.

Well-written, impressive use of vocabulary, but only 4 levels deep? C'mon!
This ball was dropped way too early.

I had my reservations about this story from the beginning. Chubby's comments didn't quell my enthusiasm so much as the threat that it was based off of Timeline. Very loosely based, thank God.
An important (yet inherent) flaw in BOTH tales is that MIDDLE English was spoken at the time of knights and medieval battle, not Modern English (yes, even the "King's English" with the thees and thous is Modern). It would have been considerably harder to write in Middle English, which is why my foray into medieval settings (in Verisimilivirate) is done on a completely different world. Some things are best left untouched - like the Dark Ages. It wasn't a glorious time, and as much as I like the fictional accounts of it, I'd sooner lop off both my typing hands than go there.

Still, your story was fun. Hence, a decent rating.

Normally, this would just be a 9 as usual for a good NCPolice story with the usual spelling errors...

but I let the anger sharks swimming in my head convince me that the general shittiness of the movie had somehow rubbed off on this story.

Gooooooose-frabbah...

Okay, so I'm browsing through stories I haven't touched in a while (since I rebuked someone I gave a 10 to for not writing on the story for so long), and I come across this old rating from Chubby.

Dang, dude - what were you smoking? Okay, I'm never the best person to act as a Christian authority, but my Biblical knowledge is vast. With all deference to your missionary parents and all, I probably even know more than they. The fact is, I leveraged this knowledge into a story from as pure a Christian perspective as I could think of.

The downside is, I only write on this story when I'm right with God, so you've been safe for about a year now, Chubby, as I've been backslidden. Actually, you know that already from the forums, so I guess this is for any potential readers' benefit.

Yeah, that's all I had to say. (And Chubby, if you want to leave another comment, put it with a 10 rating. Thanks.)

You've impressed me (ask around - that's not a easy thing to do)! I took about a 4-5 month hiatus from this site, but you've ignored this story for too long.
Develop the CEL side of the story more. I know it's writing against type, but that's what makes it so intriguing to read.
Well done! (And no, I hate Sci-Fi, so extra kudos are in order for overcoming a reader's negative preconceptions.)

Not very convincing. Doesn't read half as well as the game plays. To be written by someone known as "videogameWriter" and be this bad is shameful.

Also, rife with spelling errors.

I came across this story again today. I'm not sure why I've abandoned it (for now) in deference to Verisimilivirate, but it might be that the latter is more fun to write (at least right now).
I will get back to this later, though. At least, I'm pretty sure I will. Well, if I ever finish Verisimilivirate, there's a very good chance. (Do you have any idea how difficult it is to TYPE that title? Sheesh.)

Today, I decided to be a part of this legacy. Wherever my choices take me that is unfinished, I shall allow fate to start my writing there.
(I also find it ironic that KAG's name appears as author, but on nothing else in the story. Odd.)

Let it be known, I have never wanted to give a story of mine a TEN so much in my LIFE as this one right now, but at this point... ah, it wouldn't really matter much.

Suffice it to say, perhaps everyone who voted on it might have been better motivated to "ten me" had they known how highly I thought of this work. Then again, who knows? Fuck it.

I took the same path as they did, but I think it was well-written (I can't recall any spelling errors). Though it was trite and a bit on the vague side (as poop said), I think it would be difficult not to give something a 9 that held my attention for more than 5 rooms (a rare happenstance).

Not so much the spelling, but this was REALLY bad.
I'm not sure what 2-second-attention-span, Euro-niche this aspires to reach, but please, NO.
Those first 20 pages must've been a snap. I wish (I) were as short-sighted.

Why am I compelled to read poop stories now? I can't fathom it. The majority is right, however.
Concentrate on Paco, dang it. THERE'S your prize-winner.

Jesus Almighty, I don't know what I expected from a guy called "donteatpoop", but the material was equivalent to a few choice chunks of gold in an otherwise dirt-filled miner's pan (that's really good, in case you're wondering).

You know me, though: I can't completely overlook the fact that it was rife with spelling errors. Jeez, man - you can edit rooms for a REASON.

Well written, but not very original. Even as a project based on a video game, it's not very video game-like. Sorry.

Starts off really well, but the remaining rooms are way too short. Check your spelling, too.

Dotted with spelling and grammar errors throughout, and incredibly infantile (although I can't entirely hold that against you, considering the subject matter), I couldn't in good conscience give this any higher.

Plus, I've always been for totally original ideas vice fan fiction. Personal qualm I know, but irrepressible.

The preceding note originally read, "the title of my best work" and then the parenthetical. I went back to review it before posting it and missed the first mention of title and edited it a tad so that it could be better understood. This, of course, made the end product to be a ridiculous, redundant mess.

The only reason I bring this up is that I hate letting mistakes like that stand, but there is currently no "edit" function for this. So... yeah.

I think it should be noted (thanks to donteatpoop, who ironically called MY title "irritating") that the only reason my story is titled the way it is is that I enjoy the essence of language, down to its very roots. As English is a language of many different words from Latin, Greek, and other notable contributors (thanks, Noah Webster), I decided the title of my best work's title (which was to be this one) would be a conglomeration of different words, each pertaining to the story in some way.

Therefore (for those who may have been wondering), "Verisimilivirate" is a mixture of "verisimilitude" (something that has the appearance of being true or real; e.g. - Fred, the universe and the god) and "triumvirate" (an association or a group of three; e.g. - Fred, Theos, and Diable). Maybe it's a bit of a stretch, but I liked it, and that's what's important.

If you think differently, foo-foo on you. If not, enjoy "Verisimilivirate".

Only minimal English errors, but mostly one-liner, puerile storylines that need to be properly fleshed out as well.

You know me, NCP: I hate bad English. This must've been some of your earlier work, because I SWEAR I remember your grammatical and spelling skills were far better than this.

I'd like to thank everyone who takes/has taken the time to post a rating and/or comment about this story, as it is very special to me and your input is the constant spur I need to keep writing it. Thank you so much.

- michaelrayholt 22May05

If not for the pictures, a definite 2. The grammar was so bad that I could picture a bad Russian woman actor saying it all. Except for "Nice jorney to the Hell!", which reminded me of a Bahrainian guy I used to know.

Okay, all the hot pictures aside, what is the deal with this story? It doesn't really seem to follow any real cohesive plot-line, the main character (the reader) is portrayed as a man AND a woman (this should've been more obvious), and the jumps from room to room are childishly random.

If it weren't for the moving pictures (and whatever technical expertise is involved with loading one of THEM - I could only imagine), this would be a five. And if not for the pictures of hot chicks, a three. Sorry, it just seemed like a little too much pandering to the baser instincts for brownie points.

(How does one rate a story that is a collaborative effort?)

I've never actually HATED my own writing, even though I'm extremely critical of it. My part in this story, however, was a particularly ironic twist. It was difficult to recover the strain I appeared in as one writer (no names mentioned) took the third-party-reader-character and turned it into him/herself. But then I remembered a joke my friend Tim pulled on me in high school when we were writing a collaborative comic. He drew the WHOLE THING before I even got back to him with mine and only left a thought bubble blank and made out as if it had been a dream sequence. Genius.

Anyway, the whole idea IS a great one, but I'd also like to see Endmaster, funkymango, and some others written in. That would be cool.

I WAS going to give this a 9 because of your excellent writing on the story, but good night Almighty, you gave YOURSELF a 10?!? That's dirty pool, my friend.

(Not to mention I've tried it before and it didn't work, so I'm just a tad jealous.)

Keep up the good work, though!

Excellent writing. The best I've seen so far, except possibly Morathi, if I remember correctly. This would be a ten were it not for the four spelling/English errors I found on your first non-introductory page.

Keep up the good work, though. I look forward to seeing more.

Homer, you are one sick mofo. Your storylines are engaging, but I would like to see them fleshed out more. Minor points off for random misspellings and freaking with God. Sheesh.

Wow. I guess that's all there WAS to this story. No, the title's not misleading. Yes, everyone else could be a little more constructive in their criticism. "Naughtygrl", you should flesh out your characters more, pay closer attention to plot (and your grammar), and perhaps consider writing something else to vindicate yourself.

I've loved British humor since Who's Line Is It Anyway and Monty Python. This was refreshingly well-written! The only thing that bars a "10" is its incoherent circular redundancy. How can you wake up the next day in the midst of the same day? Anyway, I enjoyed the reference to Jael, Heber's wife. (Wink, wink. Nudge, Nudge. Say no more.)