Poopland
You walk down the street to your apartment complex, and make your way up to your apartment. You immediately jump on the bed, admire your filthy, poop covered hands and fall asleep.
Upon waking up, you realize that you are, in fact, dead. Less surprisingly, you are in the ninth circle of Hell. Satan is staring at your filthy, poop covered hands.
"Hi Satan. How did I die?" You say in a friendly tone
"Well..." Satan pauses for a long time, distracted by your filthy, poop covered hands "You died of salmonella after eating food with your filthy, poop covered hands."
You are shocked by the unexpected consequences of your actions. "Oh... well, that's okay. I died doing what I loved."
There is an awkward silence betwixt you two. Satan is clearly very uncomfortable.
"So why did I go to Hell just now?" You say, hoping to break the ice
Satan replies immediately
"You went to Hell for not washing your filthy, poop covered hands! What is wrong with you, for real? Why would you even choose to do that? I'm really sorry if I'm being mean, but it's just really gross. And to make things worse, you're stuck here in the Ninth Circle of Hell with me, and I can't move away from you because I'm stuck in this ice. I can't even continue chewing on Judas Iscariot, Marcus Junius Brutus and Gaius Cassius Longinus because I've lost my appetite after I saw your filthy, poop covered hands. It smells really bad too, like, more bad than what just filthy, poop covered hands would smell like. Did you not wipe your butt either? I guess you're living up to my ideals of rebellion and free choice, but jesus christ. Why'd you have to do it like this? Even I wash my hands and wipe my butt. And that's saying something, considering my butt is literally frozen in ice right now. Imagine trying to wipe your butt through this ice. I have to do that every single time I poop. It's not easy, and I STILL do it, AND I'm Satan. That's just basic hygiene, dude. I'm going to try and forget you're even here now. Please don't talk to me or come within my line of sight."
"oh"
Well, things in Hell might not be so bad.
Suddenly, something taps your shoulder. You whip around, afraid it's another Satan, but it's just a Hell janitor.
"Hi, Hell Janitor. What's going on?" You say in a friendly voice
"Hi. I have this list of sins here." He stands next to you and points to an item on the list. "It says here that you didn't flush your poop in a public bathroom. A Burger King janitor had to see that, and it caused them to quit their job in disgust. They used to love janitoring, but now they're traumatized by the sight of your BK toilet dookie and just can't go back to it. I have to punish you eternally for that. So, uh, I don't really know what to punish you with. I don't really want to boil you alive or whatever because that's kind of mean. I guess I sentence you to cleaning up hell poop off the hell toilets. That sounds about right. Honestly, the one being punished here is me. I'm the one that has to supervise you for all eternity and frankly, you smell really really bad."
You try to grab the list in disbelief, but the Hell Janitor quickly rips it away before you can touch it. "Hey, please don't touch my sin list with your filthy, poop covered hands."
"oh"
Upon waking up, you realize that you are, in fact, dead. Less surprisingly, you are in the ninth circle of Hell. Satan is staring at your filthy, poop covered hands.
"Hi Satan. How did I die?" You say in a friendly tone
"Well..." Satan pauses for a long time, distracted by your filthy, poop covered hands "You died of salmonella after eating food with your filthy, poop covered hands."
You are shocked by the unexpected consequences of your actions. "Oh... well, that's okay. I died doing what I loved."
There is an awkward silence betwixt you two. Satan is clearly very uncomfortable.
"So why did I go to Hell just now?" You say, hoping to break the ice
Satan replies immediately
"You went to Hell for not washing your filthy, poop covered hands! What is wrong with you, for real? Why would you even choose to do that? I'm really sorry if I'm being mean, but it's just really gross. And to make things worse, you're stuck here in the Ninth Circle of Hell with me, and I can't move away from you because I'm stuck in this ice. I can't even continue chewing on Judas Iscariot, Marcus Junius Brutus and Gaius Cassius Longinus because I've lost my appetite after I saw your filthy, poop covered hands. It smells really bad too, like, more bad than what just filthy, poop covered hands would smell like. Did you not wipe your butt either? I guess you're living up to my ideals of rebellion and free choice, but jesus christ. Why'd you have to do it like this? Even I wash my hands and wipe my butt. And that's saying something, considering my butt is literally frozen in ice right now. Imagine trying to wipe your butt through this ice. I have to do that every single time I poop. It's not easy, and I STILL do it, AND I'm Satan. That's just basic hygiene, dude. I'm going to try and forget you're even here now. Please don't talk to me or come within my line of sight."
"oh"
Well, things in Hell might not be so bad.
Suddenly, something taps your shoulder. You whip around, afraid it's another Satan, but it's just a Hell janitor.
"Hi, Hell Janitor. What's going on?" You say in a friendly voice
"Hi. I have this list of sins here." He stands next to you and points to an item on the list. "It says here that you didn't flush your poop in a public bathroom. A Burger King janitor had to see that, and it caused them to quit their job in disgust. They used to love janitoring, but now they're traumatized by the sight of your BK toilet dookie and just can't go back to it. I have to punish you eternally for that. So, uh, I don't really know what to punish you with. I don't really want to boil you alive or whatever because that's kind of mean. I guess I sentence you to cleaning up hell poop off the hell toilets. That sounds about right. Honestly, the one being punished here is me. I'm the one that has to supervise you for all eternity and frankly, you smell really really bad."
You try to grab the list in disbelief, but the Hell Janitor quickly rips it away before you can touch it. "Hey, please don't touch my sin list with your filthy, poop covered hands."
"oh"
