Tales From The Basement
You quickly snap to your senses. This She-Hulk fetish is just yet another way for you to avoid real women! You did that with anime, and now you're doing it with this.
Patricia helped you out and was kind and sweet to you when by all rights you should've been taken out to the woods and shot for being a useless waste of skin. You need a woman like that in your life.
You quickly stop jerking it to She-Hulk and call up your cousin Patricia.
"Hello? Who is this?"
"Hey Patricia, it's me Brian! I want us to be together! I know I fucked up before, but it's because I thought that obsessing over my underage cousin was unnatural! But now I've come to realize it wasn't unnatural at all! It was perfectly normal! Shit, it was downright Biblical! I know you must've liked me on some level too, so how about it? Will you give us another chance and uh keep it a secret at least until you're eighteen?"
"Brian, this is Patricia's mother, Evelyn."
Oh fuck.
"Uh hi Aunt Evelyn. Wow, you sound just like Patricia uh um "
"Don't even try to talk your way outta it Brian."
"Erm uh "
"Stuttering isn't much better. If it'll clear your mind though, I'm not going to call the police on you. However, I can't allow you to go out with Patricia."
"But but I love her!"
"Yeah, and I'm sure you would love for her to have your seven fingered, one eyed kids, but Patricia's getting sent to a convent in the South Seas."
"What? Why?"
"Why? Because me and her father are sick of her going off her meds and giving us fucking grief, that's why! She's a disobedient little whore, and we've had enough!"
You're pretty floored by this revelation.
" but well hey wait. Maybe you could marry her off to me, and I could keep an eye on her and show her love she desperately needs."
"YOU? Hah! And how's that going to work out living in your mom's basement? Christ I dunno how my sister even puts up with you. I would've sent you to a convent years ago. Besides, if we can't control her, I doubt if you'd be able to. She'd have you so wrapped around her little finger you'd probably suck an AIDS ridden cock if she told you to. And while I'm sure it would still be the best thing that's ever happened in your basement dwelling life, it ain't happening. Goodbye."
With that final telephone click, you fall to the floor in defeat. Your destiny is sealed and you return to the basement to wallow in 2-dimentional girls. Eventually you save up enough money to get a new computer and hooked up to the internet again and your relapse is complete. The only differences being that you still work at the comic shop and that you aren't obsessed with anime anymore. (Though you still jack off to the occasional loli-con)
A step up, I suppose but not much of one. The fact remains that you're still a basement dwelling virgin and you remain one until you eventually die of a Twinkie overload which causes your artery clogged heart to explode.
Patricia helped you out and was kind and sweet to you when by all rights you should've been taken out to the woods and shot for being a useless waste of skin. You need a woman like that in your life.
You quickly stop jerking it to She-Hulk and call up your cousin Patricia.
"Hello? Who is this?"
"Hey Patricia, it's me Brian! I want us to be together! I know I fucked up before, but it's because I thought that obsessing over my underage cousin was unnatural! But now I've come to realize it wasn't unnatural at all! It was perfectly normal! Shit, it was downright Biblical! I know you must've liked me on some level too, so how about it? Will you give us another chance and uh keep it a secret at least until you're eighteen?"
"Brian, this is Patricia's mother, Evelyn."
Oh fuck.
"Uh hi Aunt Evelyn. Wow, you sound just like Patricia uh um "
"Don't even try to talk your way outta it Brian."
"Erm uh "
"Stuttering isn't much better. If it'll clear your mind though, I'm not going to call the police on you. However, I can't allow you to go out with Patricia."
"But but I love her!"
"Yeah, and I'm sure you would love for her to have your seven fingered, one eyed kids, but Patricia's getting sent to a convent in the South Seas."
"What? Why?"
"Why? Because me and her father are sick of her going off her meds and giving us fucking grief, that's why! She's a disobedient little whore, and we've had enough!"
You're pretty floored by this revelation.
" but well hey wait. Maybe you could marry her off to me, and I could keep an eye on her and show her love she desperately needs."
"YOU? Hah! And how's that going to work out living in your mom's basement? Christ I dunno how my sister even puts up with you. I would've sent you to a convent years ago. Besides, if we can't control her, I doubt if you'd be able to. She'd have you so wrapped around her little finger you'd probably suck an AIDS ridden cock if she told you to. And while I'm sure it would still be the best thing that's ever happened in your basement dwelling life, it ain't happening. Goodbye."
With that final telephone click, you fall to the floor in defeat. Your destiny is sealed and you return to the basement to wallow in 2-dimentional girls. Eventually you save up enough money to get a new computer and hooked up to the internet again and your relapse is complete. The only differences being that you still work at the comic shop and that you aren't obsessed with anime anymore. (Though you still jack off to the occasional loli-con)
A step up, I suppose but not much of one. The fact remains that you're still a basement dwelling virgin and you remain one until you eventually die of a Twinkie overload which causes your artery clogged heart to explode.
