Comments & Ratings
|It has so much potential! I'll be excitedly waiting for updates.|
Katie, what are you doing here? Go write a novel.|
This is one of the most interesting stories I've seen on this site, and probably the best written. The children are fascinating and the setting is reminiscent of Ender's Game.
I was about to rate this story an 8 for the spelling error I found, but I couldn't get over one glaringly obvious fact...|
3 out of 5 of these child prodigies (worldwide, mind you!) came from a space about the size of Suncom's satellite footprint. That's right: VA, NC, and SC... out of the WHOLE WORLD. That's far too much of a suspension of disbelief for me! I mean, Virginia I can see (Hell, I'M a genius, and was born there.), but North and South Carolina where inbreeding rules and when you don't see rebel flag bumper stickers it's those annoying "Save you confederate money, boys! The South gon' rise agin!" ones? No, no, no. I'm not buying that horse poo.
Also, I've been to Kenbridge. My best friend used to live there. It's a TOWN (albeit small) with gorgeous Victorian houses (all unlocked, of course) and farms. No communes in sight - sorry.
It's a decent premise with above-average execution, but you ask too much of the reader. Also, it's a bit droll.
|Rating this story was very difficult. It is apparent that an incredible amount of effort has gone in thusfar and it is well written. The subject material and plot itself is creative but just doesn't particularly appeal to me. This not your fault, just my particular opinion as a reader. I really wanted to give it a 9.5 but unfortunately that is not an option. I decided because there was no resolution in place to give it a 9. Excellent job and I look foward to more. You pay great attention to detail and have a skill at making a cohesive choose your own ending adventure.|
I didn't want to say it on the last story, but it was a wee bit boring. This one, however, was not boring at all.|
And so you get 10.
This is such an odd story, and yet, I like it. It's a testament to your writing skills that you can pull this plot off. The concept of a secret military organization kidnapping children to make them heroes seems so stupid out of context, but once suspension of belief comes into play while reading, it's a wonderful story.|
As seen in Lost in a Good Book, you also have a very interesting approach to the CYOA style. Instead of having multiple branches leading to multiple plots which share only characters and setting, you put the reader at a set point, and allow them to choose how to get there. It's the same story no matter which file is focused upon, but it allows for multiple, but still different, re-reads.
The only gripe I had with this work was grammatical error. You have a tendency to leave out a comma, which needs to be placed to separate the two parts of a sentence. Mostly, this occurs in dialogue, though it does happen in some descriptions. It's a minor error, but it happens frequently. When you consider the high quality of the rest of the piece, I found the error to be quite glaring.
This work hasn't even moved past the introductionary stages, and I already love it.