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Ratings & Comments

Just an Olde Fashioned Love Song by Usoki Jan 12, 2007
Great writing. But horrible plot, horrible idea, and not-so-good-at-all characters.

Sorry but it's true. If this wasn't written by you it'd be more like a 3.
Ground Zero by EndMaster Jan 4, 2007
Geek by EndMaster Jan 4, 2007
Imagination by EndMaster Jan 3, 2007
Alpha Wolf by EndMaster Jan 3, 2007
Love SICK by EndMaster Jan 3, 2007
Legend by EndMaster Jan 3, 2007
Paradise Violated by EndMaster Jan 3, 2007
TRASH by EndMaster Jan 3, 2007
Repression by EndMaster Jan 3, 2007
You're messed.
Tales From The Basement by EndMaster Jan 3, 2007
Rentyre by Usoki Dec 21, 2006
I thought I already rated this. Either way, I sent you what I thought about it in a PM.
A text adventure in fifteen steps. by cyber95 Dec 21, 2006
Very Avante-Gay.

I look forward to when this story has more than 15 rooms in it.
College: The Birthday! by Wren11 Dec 21, 2006
A good story, but I don't see why it's humor.

Nothing really happens either...
The Island by popqueen23 Dec 20, 2006
Very good description. Good idea for a story too.
Poke-knights adventure by grassybulb Dec 20, 2006
I give this a 1 because it had perhaps the most retarded ending I've ever seen:

"You have everything you need!"
The Yakuza Diaries by poopypeanutz Dec 20, 2006
I gave the other one a 9.
Mysterious Wonder by Calen Dec 20, 2006
I liked it, well-written and with some good choices, although many were perhaps overly mundane.

It was a good idea.
Just something to pass the time. by drums Dec 20, 2006
I agree with Apo :).

Nah, I actually did read this. It was a good first effort, you just did what a lot of nubs do and made the task impossible for yourself. Use fewer rooms at the start. As for myself, my maximum choices at the end of each room is always 2 or 3. That way I can properly describe each room, and make it easier to "guide" the reader along the way. Plus it's just easier for the author.
Bad Day in Hell by Gribble Dec 20, 2006
Awesome first story, intense action, good dialogue...

If you had more description you would've gotten a 9.
Xiaolin Showdown Chronicles by Jadeh Nov 11, 2006
Really bad too. Just not as bad.
When the snow falls. by Slasher Oct 21, 2006
Overall, okay. Your story is very linear and you often confuse "of" and "have."

But otherwise good, I suppose. More description would also have been appreciated.
Get to the point! by mangofox Oct 13, 2006
Shouldnt need to be explained.
The Mob!!! by JeepNixon92 Oct 10, 2006
I'm a wanna be black from the east side, nigga!

Why?

Because that was my only option.
Chamber's College by Taalgius Oct 10, 2006
How did you possibly give this an 8??? Am I missing something?
The Pattern by KatieWroteIt Sep 27, 2006
I didn't want to say it on the last story, but it was a wee bit boring. This one, however, was not boring at all.

And so you get 10.
Lost in a Good Book- A Child's Tale by KatieWroteIt Sep 27, 2006
Kate. You are amazing.
a normal thursday by aidino Sep 24, 2006
Le deux pour toi.
The Island of Destiny by Dan2 Sep 18, 2006
I give you an 8, mainly because your choices at the end of the room are excellent. Unlike DEP, I thought your descriptions were satisfactory, that's probably the difference between the 7 and the 8.

Also, your rooms were fast-paced, something I certainly liked. While your writing didn't completely blow me away (which would've given you 9/10) I bet your next story will.
The escort of the prince. by GraySparrow Jul 28, 2006
For a first story, I suppose it's good.
Draco Cronnoc II by jeffisthebest Jun 22, 2006
C'mon... y'know you want to give it a 10.
Batman: Gotham Knights by MattCruea Jun 19, 2006
Yeah, your writing's alright, but I have to ask you this:

Why would anyone write a serious story about batman? Really!
Snowbound! by CJW Jun 19, 2006
Completely average.
Random so yeahh by CoolCatChaaa Jun 18, 2006
And that makes strike 3 for people who joined on days June 16 and 17!

I can see why you and dollface are friends. You both write completely hideous stories. Perhaps I can recommend some more friends for you?

hungo
generallee
piano (he even joined when you did! you're like bro-bro's!)
messa
megamantn (if he weren't already banned)
Naughtygr345

The last named author won worst story last year. Maybe you'll get an infinite story this year!

The saddest thing is that this rating was better written that your story. It had such components as grammer, spelling, capitalization, puncuation, and even some effort!
Random Story by dollface Jun 18, 2006
Everything is completely awful except room count.
NM by piano Jun 18, 2006
I hate the old, cliched, "going to school and doing nothing stories."

They must outnumber the Inu Yasha ones!

Crazy.

Very poor story.
Mage-Slayer by ChubbyTeletubby Jun 16, 2006
Thank you for fixing my problems with your story (by this I mean the browser stuff).

And so you get your ten.

Everything is perfect, except the series of like 5-6 rooms with only 1 choice/ room. But I'm not about to take off for that.
Much of Nothing by donteatpoop Jun 14, 2006
You ruin a whole generation of young children with this story.

Besides, why can we only go west? I want to go to the tunnels.

But not really.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyway, the main thing with this story, is that its well-written but reflects its title. There you go. 8.
The Forest of Unescapeable Forces by william11141 Jun 11, 2006
Okay, you need to make your rooms much longer with more description.
How To Pay For College by ouijapen Jun 4, 2006
Definitely don't think it's worthy of a 10...

Chubby's bipolar, ouijapen. Either it's a 10 or a 1.

Still a good story.
The House On The Corner by calia386 May 18, 2006
In a previous era of infinite-story, this would have been an 8. I'd like to give you an 8, but I can't. The stories here have just gotten so much better.

As DEP said, you have very good description.
18th Century Vampires by garypryke May 12, 2006
I just love how you have 1-3 sentences per room!
It's just another day? by wilio May 9, 2006
Hmm it is original, but otherwise not so good.

And please, for the love of Allah, capitalize your stories' names.
Random story of random consequence by slashrulez May 9, 2006
Do you know why I liked this story?

It was just like my first story! Same basic plot or lack thereof, same randomness, same completely awful writing style and description...

This guy could turn into slashisthebest!
The knights Lady by foxydwarf May 9, 2006
I could not help but start speed reading this story. It seemed like every single line just rushed me to the next, not by talent but by simplicity.

That said, this is a good first story.
Choose Your Own Chemical Adventure by grayowl May 6, 2006
Uh...Chubby? That ten, um...not deserved.

I won't mark you off for Chubby's rating, because that would be VERY unfair. Your story lacked all description, but at least it was coherent, and this was a first story.
Weapon by Korrin May 6, 2006
Overall, a very good work. I thought I remembered your name from some other story but I guess not.

In that case, good first story and keep writing.
The Wizard of Oz by tlflameboy May 6, 2006
Your story lacks such necessary parts as plot, setting, and character development. What you have is words.
The Teatime Of Infinity by Usoki May 6, 2006
Wow! Great work Usoki! Much better than expected!

I love the style of your writing. Just like reading a light-hearted novel. Your descriptions are as good as EndMaster's.

I loved this story. And it was...

A first story!

You rock.
where is jack stones father by rikjames40 May 1, 2006
I'm feeling some anti-capital letter sentiment in this story.
rock star by generallee May 1, 2006
100% crap. No traces of urine.
Precarious Paths of a Postmodern Pilgrim by tupetewalker Apr 27, 2006
Well. For a piece of Christianity it certainly is good.

However, the brief end to the 3rd choice on the 1st room bugged me a bit. What if I don't want to be Adam or Eve?

Anyway, story was good for a first one, and your vocabulary certainly exceeds mine.

But you gave yourself a 10. Retribution must be made.
Forgotten Hero by dnukem Apr 26, 2006
plagiarized.
School day adventure by wilio Apr 23, 2006
Completely awful. Horrid spelling and grammar. No plot. No characters. No creativity.
The Terminator Final Battle by JackJackosn Apr 10, 2006
You f***in cheater.
Adventure omfg by strongbad Apr 3, 2006
Yeah not so good, even for a first story.
The Darkness by realmofwonders Apr 2, 2006
As with a lot of stories, this one's got a great deal of potential. You obviously are a good writer who makes the effort to actually work on your stories, and I'm sure you will improve.

Good points were choices (I disagree with DEP's forum post they were rational choices) and follow-up rooms. If you're looking for improvement, I'd advise fewer choices per room and more description.
War of the Gods by Cat2000 Mar 25, 2006
Cat! Yay! You're finally writing a lot in your stories!

I feel so bad that I'm killing he 10 Dan gave you, but I really have no choice. Despite the ambition of this story, it is terribly boring...
There once was a girl named... by Marshmello Mar 25, 2006
Stop tooting and start writing, you do have good ideas...
The One Word Story! by Marshmello Mar 25, 2006
Well, this six is entirely for ideas. Creativity drove this rating from a deserved 3. Just like Score, in fact.
The demon scam by Aki Mar 3, 2006
Excellent story! I don't know I got this far with 35, just like Cat's Final Quest II. Your story starts out slow but becomes very engaging. Likewise, I thought the remembering letters was stupid at first but near the end I realized how genius it was.
Maze of death by INinja Feb 27, 2006
AWFUL! IN EVERY WAY! It's just a click game!
In Serch of Eden by SavedbyGrace Feb 27, 2006
A lot of words with nothing important
A Magical Adventure by luckysnake23 Feb 26, 2006
Clearly a first story, so I'll be nice.

You need to control how many choices you put. You can't have so many choices, especially when your Notes says the possibilities are endless. And fan fic is not original.

But you did spell everything I saw right. And the time nicknames thing was interesting but useless, but still cool. Keep going.
Revenge by Cat2000 Feb 26, 2006
Aight, wee bit to say.

Overall, yeah, definitely a story worthy of an 8. But to tell why it's a 7:

Starts out 8.

-1 for being Manga=7
+1 for that amazing disclaimer. I am not being sarcastic. I loved that, and it should be on 1/2 of all the stories on this site there's so much fan fic
-1 because it's a stat story and well...Tom Cruise doesn't really look like a samurai. Sorry.

Another problem: stat stories need mucho rooms.

However, the outstanding feeling is positive. This was a good story. Hopefully you will continue. Now to reread the story and try to figure out why it is an R, based on what I've read it's G or PG...
I'm Bored by michaelrayholt Feb 16, 2006
First off, Michael, don't rate youself. You ain't a piece of poop.

It was obvious you were bored. Why would you even make this story...ah...this was not the best. Personally, however I thought it was better than that devil boy.
The Quest of a Warrior Princess. by bEaN99 Feb 16, 2006
Hmm...lesse. Pretty good overall. Certainly good length of rooms, especially for an older story.

First few rooms had no choices. And paragraphs are too big, and there were numerous spelling errors.

But I like the flow of this story.
New Orleans: A Choose Your Own Adventure by monkeyman666 Feb 13, 2006
Hm...I love controversial stories. Which this one most certainly is...when I read the title I though it'd be about Mardi Gras or something.

Definitely not as good as the first. This time you clear up the confusion, but you try to be funny when you really aren't.

Mention of drugs and severed baby limbs is not funny, just so you're aware.

However, this is still a very well-written story, keep it up.
Ducky Park by donteatpoop Feb 12, 2006
You can't criticize this rating. I've told you plenty about Ducky Park, you know why it's one of my favorites. Yes, now one of my favorites, it turned out not to take over Ebay.
Fate's Crossing by NCPolice55571 Feb 9, 2006
Hmm...I like this story a lot!

It's just great! It's virtually perfect!!!!
Killer in the school by theknight Feb 9, 2006
Well, at least he spelled things right.
Movie Trivia Game Show of Death by sansevieria Feb 9, 2006
Wow. Would be a lot better had you not stolen NCP's story basically room for room.
Wild West Adventure by EnderWiggin Feb 4, 2006
Wow. You know what this story reminded me of? One of my own, in fact. Big Purple Bear, where you'd die at every turn.
The Yakuza Diaries: Choose Your Own Adventure by monkeyman666 Feb 3, 2006
Best first story ever besides Blind Date.

Excellent work! Please stay! Oh please do!
Star Wars Adventures Kifler's Adventures Joing the Jedi by jcha2005 Feb 2, 2006
lol dep you're the 1 person who should NOT be saying that.
Angie and Devie (A Cat Story) by JasuSama Feb 2, 2006
not cool. at all.
"Eventure!" by CYOAWritersGuild Feb 2, 2006
Eventure suxxxx
The Foreign Rogue by synful Feb 2, 2006
looks real good but aint released
Fish Quest by CJW Feb 2, 2006
Why is this 9?
Mission:Improbable by baradrae Feb 2, 2006
looks pretty good
Lost and Alone by Ryoku Feb 2, 2006
I tend to agree.
Halloween: Night of Intrigue by Max143 Jan 29, 2006
I like patterns.
Interdimensional Traveler by sansevieria Jan 29, 2006
Certainly beats all the other crap members are putting out...
Spaced by garypryke Jan 29, 2006
I like patterns, so I must continue the 5-train.
SMThomas' Adventure by SMThomas Jan 28, 2006
Thank god I am not SM Thomas, that's all I can say.
A Man's Change by iicool11 Jan 21, 2006
This story doesn't deserve that sharp of criticism. Rape happens.

Is rape worse than murder? Didn't think so. Think of how many murder stories we have.
Demon Trouble by Yuki Jan 21, 2006
Please separate paragraphs...
The Uplink World by AnthonyS Jan 21, 2006
Gree with YazZ.
Can you survive my Adventure in NarfySnape land? lol TRY! by NarfySnape Jan 21, 2006
Hm, I expected much worse.
YOU save the entire Universe! by Benway Jan 21, 2006
Um yeah. Not good.
Time Traveller by AgentRebellion Jan 21, 2006
I'm only giving you a 10 because Michael gave you a 9 for not writing in Middle English.

Michael, you are a dumbass.
A Tale of Two Choices by Bassoonist Jan 21, 2006
Huh?
Just an Ordinary Day in the Life of an Ordinary Girl by Nuquerna Jan 21, 2006
Let's see...9 or 10...I don't know.

So 10.
The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past by ltm1988 Jan 21, 2006
Wow.

I journeyed 11 chapters down and had a total of 2, yes 2 choices.

Not good!
In the Dungeons of the Tickle Queen by WarlordRak Jan 21, 2006
Definitely doesn't deserve its extremely high ratings, but still a good story.
Shadows Of The Lost by Akira Jan 14, 2006
Indeed, so far so good, but there just isn't enough!
Reunion by donteatpoop Jan 14, 2006
Yeah I'm not a horror fan, so I guess that's why this isn't a favorite of mine.
Search by Cat2000 Jan 14, 2006
Same problem as YazZ: where's the action? You're making this story boring!

Not saying this isn't a good story (which is why it's worthy of an 8), but it's too slow to get a 9 or ten.

I think you should continue to add on to Final Quest II...
Final Quest Version 2 by Cat2000 Jan 9, 2006
WOW!

I honestly have never seen 24 rooms used SO incredibly perfectly. I think I went at least 12 levels deep!

Either I picked the exact right things or you looped a lot but I only noticed one...

Good job!
Mageslayer DELETE ONE by ChubbyTeletubby Jan 9, 2006
Excellent story.

But your first room screws up my browser every time.

And I have broadband.
Hunter II - The Huntening by Zackt Jan 3, 2006
I'm in a receptive mood toward new members. And you put in effort.

I'm sure I said enough in the PM anyway. Just remember my tip for the next story you write.
Flow Vs Diva!!! by Joebwoy Dec 26, 2005
WTH is this???
Make your own adventure by slezak2003 Dec 10, 2005
Hey, someone's lucky NCP helped him!
A Harry Potter Choose Your Own Adventure - Going to Hogwarts by hpinfonet Dec 10, 2005
Lots of words, nothing important.
Crazy Dream by emmabear11 Dec 10, 2005
Was very very poorly written. Didn't resemble anything.
Aliens: The return by theknight Dec 10, 2005
DEP, how does this deserve a 7...I'm sorry but the entire story is just like you are this you do this you see this you f*** this it gets repetitive
Steve 2, The Fall of Margaritavile by fuzzynutt22 Dec 10, 2005
8 for pure effort. Huge rooms, and a little bit of looping cheating but that's ok.

And there's the fact that everyone else liked your first story except me.
The Black Citadel by funkymango Dec 2, 2005
Well, dont rate yourself...but this must've taken so much work. You get a 10.
X + Z by VodkaLemon Nov 30, 2005
Enh not the worst.

Definitely is not a 1, don't listen to him.
The Walk by messa Nov 30, 2005
Aight, you did one thing right: spelling.

Don't rate yourself. That's an unspoken rule.

And almost all first stories (inlcuding mine) are really short. But thats ok, what's not okay is that you have so many loose ends. Always write your first story on a pad to get the hang of it before you post it online!!!
ONE HOUR by YazZMaN Nov 29, 2005
Just scopin' out the competition early...I havent started yet plan to tomorrow I got the plot all set up.

Mine will triumph!!!!
Booty Call by hungo Nov 27, 2005
Whoah!!!!! I am like champion! Yo hungo! Check out Score! It's awful, but it kicks your stories booty! Oh what pun (that's the title of your story!)
Ghosts by Sash Nov 26, 2005
Well, I'd like to give it less...but it's obvious you tried. And as that's as rare as an intelligent conservative, you deserve some credit.

It's all the same, though, and I really wanted to walk away from the house but you wouldn't let me!
dinner by popem Nov 26, 2005
First of all, the word is heimlich. Or maybe hiemlich.

Anyway, I'm not sure this is a true 7, but I had a lot of fun reading it. There's so many ways you can die eating dinner...it's safer to be in a plane with a Muslim than eating some pizza...
Puppetmaster by Nalan Nov 26, 2005
Quite exceptional! This story has great detail, good action, and best of all an almost perfect pace.

Great job Nalan, and this was only your first. I'm betting your next will be a solid 10.
Wild Night by SirShaguar Nov 26, 2005
I like boobies. How about we stop talking about gays and start talking about them?
Doctor Who by garypryke Aug 11, 2005
I am sorry because I know you put effort in this, but there are too many loose ends.

Plus, Doctor Who commercials are on all the time during Simpsons they piss me off. I bet you're from Canada.
A Crappy Story by donteatpoop Jul 20, 2005
I don't think I've ever had a tougher time rating a story.

We all know you're capable of good stories, and as it says it's bad on purpose, but bad on purpose is still bad... The idea is good, and I expect it didn't take long to write. And it's funny.

So I went halfway. Referring to the rating.
Heroes in a Half Shell by donteatpoop Jul 15, 2005
It's about time I punish you for rating yourself.
Score by jeffisthebest Jul 13, 2005
FINE! None of you assholes would rate this story, and so I have.

Though it was the greatest idea ever, the story sucks worse than all of you.
CRACK ATTACK! by ChubbyTeletubby Jul 11, 2005
Gets a 10 because this story had more effort put in than any other (yes, even more than Blind Date and Funkymango's stories). Some parts were hilarious.
Whatever... by lizdnt4get Jul 4, 2005
I'm really sorry, because you're obviously not bad in English (you spelled everything correctly), but your math skills are not up to par. The more choices in a story, the longer it is. The longer it is, the more you have to write.
13-Death (lets party) by killacat Jul 2, 2005
Yep, as he said you have not filled in enough of the story. You should have done "Settings, Private" so that you could work on the story and THEN have everyone read it.

But I am going to give you mercy, because Christ the King told me to. He says you'll join the both of us in hell. Moreover, it's your first story.
Escape by donteatpoop Jul 1, 2005
I understand that you want at least ONE of your stories on the homepage, but there are more honest ways to do it then classify your story as "Romance." Really, you cheat too much. Please don't rate yourself again....the rating community has had a renaissance upon your arrival to the site and your...large number of stories. You'll pass me by the end of the month.

Anyway, as with all of your stories, you did put a whole lot of effort into it. Must've taken many an hour. But I'm sorry, this was just boring.
The Third Eye by donteatpoop Jul 1, 2005
Alright...this would be an excellent story if not for one awful combination.

And the combination is LONG rooms and a SLOW story. The story does not porgress fast enough, and it is just too apparent you love to write :).

But keep it up man, this story got a 7 because it was good. And you like Simpsons, it's very evident from your stories (Fat Tony, Mr. Burns). I'd like to see Comic Book Guy in your next story. Or perhaps one Dr. Nick Riviera.

Go Simpsons.
Paco Valdez by donteatpoop Jul 1, 2005
Yes you are right this is your best. EVERY room is fully developed (that's a first for almost anyone, I know I don't do that), and I didn't even notice NCP was writing the part I was reading until I looked down, both your writing and his were near-perfect. I really can't say anything bad about the writing style, because again it was near-perfect, but you swear too much. Remember, there are younger people here, myself included.

But I must congratulate you on one of the most classic lines ever coming from a male character: "He is not one to be fucked with."
Bank Heist by donteatpoop Jul 1, 2005
It's obvious you now know completely what you're doing with a CYOA story, in Ninja it was sort of all over the place, if you know what I mean. This seemed much more "planned."

It was extremely well-written, and although you infringed on a few too many copyrights (joking) that helped the story. Plus, I watched Bandits last night, and this story is about most of the same stuff (bank robberies, police, etc.)

Good job, good job.
The better way of Splap by splapped Jun 30, 2005
Enh I guess this WAS better than the original...not that that's hard to do. I wonder how you came up with Splap...there's Splash Laptop, which could have sexual undertones, there's Special Lapdance, which definitely has an entendre, and there's the misspelling of slap, of course. Which could also be related to sex you perv.
The Ninja Epidemic by donteatpoop May 28, 2005
I really liked this story, besides a few errors/typos it was really good. But you gave yourself a 10. I dont like that.
What Lies Above by Morathi May 12, 2005
Wow that story reminds me of my own (which is why I like it). You do have some talent, good job
The Slasher is comming for YOU by gpshaw May 12, 2005
I did not find much "cliched" humor, but the random stuff I like. You write well, I suppose, and for an early story its good. Keep writing.
THE DAY by realmofwonder May 12, 2005
Why are so many stories just about a normal day? They are all the same! Write something interesting, as you dont seem to have a bad style
The life of a man named Mike by kornfan109 May 12, 2005
Meaningless story. And never again rate yourself. And Korn doesnt suck so bad.
the way of splap by splapped Apr 24, 2005
I agree more with Morathi. Fix it up and it will be good.
Verisimilivirate by michaelrayholt Apr 24, 2005
Totally perfect except for the first room, which did not lay the necessary information needed to explain what was going on.

Otherwise totally awesome! AND it's anti-god! (I think). I chose to have the girls take off their clothes, of course.

The parts explaining the Fred universe are a tad confusing, but otherwise very well done.

Good show! And the reason I am not on your level is because I'm 14. I'll get better.
All Is Fair in Hate by DarkAutumnLeaves Mar 18, 2005
You are a good writer.

That said, you need to work on the structure of your story. The reader will not bother to try to navigate through the maze of unended paths you have created. Add on to another story to get the hang of it.
DIE DIE DIE DIE by malcolmk Mar 13, 2005
I hate stories as short as this. How is anything supposed to go on? Really, you need to work on this.
On My Way To School by mdotsdot18 Mar 11, 2005
Wow that sure was humorous. I LMAO. Not really. At all. You didn't even try to be funny.
When Angels Cry by ChubbyTeletubby Mar 9, 2005
I'm torn between a 9 and a 10. Since I know what you are capable of now, a 10 would have to be totally almost perfect, and this does have some flaws, such as the loose ends, a not-so-fully convincing beginning (for you).

But I'm happy you wrote a deep story, and this is really good, it's just that you're you. You and EM are the best, then NCP. I really like the madness, this is the best insanity we have.

So I say 9.7, but you are you. That's too bad, maybe you should suddenly turn yourself into FatBarney or something along those lines...
I'm not who think I am by Naughtygrl345 Mar 5, 2005
CYOA 101: There is a way to end your story without a DON'T CLICK message. It's at the bottom of your room writing screen.

The writing was horrible. I should have expected better from someone named Naughtygrl. Note the sarcasm.
Hollywood or Bust by sansevieria Mar 4, 2005
That's it after like the 20th dead end I stopped reading.

Obviously, you did not read my advice for getting the hang of CYOA (see newbie forums). It distinctly says do not have too many choices per room, which is exactly what you have here. god, I'm a genius.
The Mediator - Shadowland by xANG3LA Mar 4, 2005
Wow, this story jumped all over the place, it was good sometimes and horrible the next. You endings were the worst of all, you need to work on them.

It is a good idea.
The Aftermath by Phaleg Feb 26, 2005
You do draw the reader in with the madness. But this isn't a real CYOA. It starts out with 3 turn overs. Combine those rooms.

I then proceeded to the hospital instead of the park. However, this turned out not to be CYOA either. I could continue in the hospital (1 choice) or go to the park (1 choice). Since this was in another part, it's still really 1 choice/room.
Breath of fire 1 by battyramj Feb 24, 2005
If this wasn't your first story, 5.5

Much to say:

You had a few typos, but I don't care about that, but I do care about grammar, and it was pretty bad.

Also, if you're going to write a "stat story," you're going to need way more than 20 rooms. I assume you will improve on this, however.

Most importantly, all the action happened way too fast. You didn't explain the combat well. I want some descriptions!!!

I look forward o Breath of Fire 2.
A Prison Tale by ChubbyTeletubby Feb 21, 2005
I knew it! As soon as you started posting I knew you would be good.

Your vocabulary is huge, you know how to write, and some parts were funny.

Really, write a serious story, you are an EXCELLENT author. You might be the best we've ever had, because NCP can't spell for s@#$, I'm only 14, and Celtic has some really good and some really bad.
Ordinary Girl? by Mirar1 Feb 19, 2005
Good story, good language, but it just doesn't seem to tie together, you know what I mean?
Silent, but Deadly by dryscribe Feb 16, 2005
Wow, I'm glad I kept reading till the end, because the start was bad, but it got really good near the end. Good detail! Many people invent stories like this, but you draw the reader and it's like you're there, which is what any story intends to do.

Just asking, why did you have it start with a sort-of dream, if that's what it is.
Quick Trip To Hell by mrcrowley412 Feb 15, 2005
Would get a 10 if there weren't so many loose ends! Fix that up and you'll have a great story!

i like how you can be funny without swearing.
Nuke Land by packratt5454 Feb 11, 2005
No development at all. Pack, it seems that thats the problem with all of your stories.
You are a PROFESSIONAL Assassin by kritztheman Feb 11, 2005
Too many mistakes, but an okay story. Also, you didn't separate your paragraphs.
Mars by severenz Feb 10, 2005
Wheeh! A classic besides Faridell that is actually good! And other people added on and that stuff is good too! Joy!
The Sword of the Northwest by Yuukanna Feb 10, 2005
Why a 9 I ask? This was BAD.
Vampire Season by heavenlyangl Feb 10, 2005
I agree with DMOC about the abrupt ends. Those were the only thing preventing a 9 or a 10. Otherwise excellent!!!!
A Story by lioness1081 Feb 7, 2005
What a dumb title, first of all. And like many stories, it started off excellent before dropping off.
The Heist by packratt5454 Feb 7, 2005
Really really bad. I mean it. In every way.
Magick by ayenigel Feb 6, 2005
Too many choices. But I really like how you have good/bad choices.
Girl Bullies-- field trip in NYC by Joebwoy Feb 4, 2005
It's a good idea...I guess. But it wasn't a good story. Really. Your first time, though.
Stewie's Sexy Party! by krob2k4 Feb 4, 2005
The Good: It was funny.

The Bad: It wasn't sexy. Plus, that's an inappropriate tile.

It was the worst setup I have ever seen. The first page has 1 out of continuing.
missing you, baby Jane... by warwickbass138 Feb 4, 2005
If this was not a first story-6. Really Celtic, you just cant say anything bad, can you?

But I can, but Im not, it was good. I lokk forward to your next story!!! (oh yeah, capitalize titles, but Im not oing to kill you for that.)
The Werewolf Chronicles by funkymango Jan 30, 2005
It started out really good...but then dropped off to nothing. Gotta right more as you go along.
Inuyasha-Starring as Miroku by DMOC Jan 23, 2005
WHY THE HELL ARE THERE SO MANY INUYASHA STORIES? WHY DID YOU GIVE YOURSELF A 10? THE STORY DOES NOT DESERVE IT!

What you should have done was put pictures in of Kagome when they are grabbing ass and you should have had the other one bathe and have pics. Everyone likes a little hentai, as you obviously do.
From Darkness It Comes by dragavan Jan 21, 2005
Amazing. Exceptional writing. That was truly good writing. Anything less than a 10 is crazy.

One of my top 10 stories. I'm going to have to say #4, maybe.
This Story is Going Nowhere Fast by Sulldog35 Jan 21, 2005
I gave this a 2 to counter the ridiculous 10 sulldog gave himself. It wasn't good anyway.
City of the Dead by Kenshin Jan 21, 2005
Sorry, but I really hate stories that have only one path that doesn't lead to death/room. Know why? It's not a CYOA if you do that.

Good otherwise.
The Bridge by RiotGrrrl Jan 17, 2005
Too bad there are no .s, otherwise it would be an 8.3 or maybe 8.5. Very good vocabulary, and a very good storyline. I hope you keep writing! For the next story, when you start a new paragraph, make sure you separate them with a line in between.
The Man by Cab Jan 17, 2005
I really did like it. Very good, Cab. Quite haunting!!
InuYasha by zigzag123391 Jan 17, 2005
totally incorent, horrible spelling, and if this is deeper than the show I hope I never turn to Cartoon Network when it's on, but I believe I saw it once. Pretty perverted for a cartoon.
The #Digiworld Adventure by digiworld Jan 14, 2005
Horrible. Horrible. Horrible. Awesome. No. Horrible.
For King and Country by EnderWiggin Jan 7, 2005
Alright. I rated this story prematurely, but I wanted to because I liked it and I thought it might not go public. It is very good, whats there so far anyway, and its funny, but obviously stolen from Austin Powers in Goldmember
Riddlebox 1 by BenjaminWolfe Dec 22, 2004
Good story, but there just weren't enough riddles, and you didnt separate your paragraphs.
The Paradox Factor by Lucid Dec 22, 2004
I don't know how you thought of this while you were half-sleeping, but its good, very good.
Weekend by shadowfire35 Dec 17, 2004
Are you going to put any effort in this thing? SO MANY GOD DAMN LOOSE ENDS!!!
What Ho! by AlphaDog Dec 17, 2004
I didn't get any of the humor. AT ALL. And I love Monty Python, but it was really good writing and obviously took a bit of thought.
Pseudos by CelticFrostQueen Dec 14, 2004
Celtic....good writing and all, but with all the unwritten parts its really more a book than a CYOA. Why can't they just do each other?
disappeared by kareem Dec 6, 2004
Is this a joke?
Sonic adventures by Missygirl107 Dec 6, 2004
Is there any point? Do you do anything sonicky? Are you going to add more rooms?
Garricks Screwed Up Life by llbountyhunterll Dec 6, 2004
Wow. Very very poor, I know you're new, but this is really bad man. You NEED to describe things.
Cavernous Hell by irishdream28 Dec 3, 2004
I would have liked lengthier rooms and more rooms.
Dogfight by AlphaDog Dec 3, 2004
OK.. quite a few things to say. First off, good story with good action and a typically boring idea that is made interesting. One flaw I could find was that, when someone has to choose the next part, it said a whole lot of stuff that I had no idea what the things were and all the directions.

You made a common newbie error. You made too many choices in alot of rooms which causes you to run out of ideas, bores the reader, and makes you write a WHOLE lot of rooms.

Good job!
by Nov 20, 2004
Excellent writing style. It actually gives you a feeling of terror. One thing: YOU MUST SEPARATE YOUR PARAGRAPHS. Hit enter twice to do that, for some reason the tab button does nothing on this site.
College by JackJackosn Nov 19, 2004
Bad story man. Bad story. Use quotes and separate your sentences.
Final Stand by JudgeWall Nov 19, 2004
extremely good writing. Only flaw that I could possibly find is that it could use a little explaining.
The story by jamestkirk Nov 17, 2004
Good for a first. Just so you know, you have to have events start faster because the amount of rooms per levels deep gets exponential.
Behind The Shield by NCPolice55571 Nov 16, 2004
Was the guy at Meelbrook you? Were they all your experiences?
Blind Date by Lucid Nov 16, 2004
Gets a 9 because of the McDonalds room, which was the funniest room on the site (i would've given it a seven)
The Gamble of ....DEATH by NCPolice55571 Nov 15, 2004
Not as good as the quiz. You should do another one that has more riddles, but this story did get better as it went along.
Quiz Show of......Death by NCPolice55571 Nov 15, 2004
Ok.. I said this about Tomb Raider but I regret that one. THIS is your best story. The riddles are actual mindgames (even though they are too easy, I got every one right on the first try,) and they make you think. Very, very good.
Steve-The Text Adventure by fuzzynutt22 Nov 15, 2004
I could tell that your writing could be better than this, the story made absolutely no sense at all.
A Very Pyoko Adventure by Zaratustra Nov 13, 2004
uh, okay. Actually, its bad but i gave it a six because of the totally hilarious wall part.
World War II by chitoryu12 Nov 10, 2004
Yeah like were going to play the game to read your story.
Awakening of The Hanyou by crushonsess Nov 10, 2004
so-so at best.
The Quest For The Angel Sword 5 by JackJackosn Nov 9, 2004
Why is everyone bleeding?
The Adventures of you and Megaman by Karold Nov 9, 2004
I really hate you Karold but the start of this story is sooooo funny. The rest is dumb, but the start makes up for it. He did the same thing to me.
The battle of two sites by chocobot Nov 5, 2004
get off our site
The door by Angel624 Nov 5, 2004
Gotta say Angel, you can do better than this.
Breathe your last Breath by Mydeskiscool Nov 5, 2004
larn howw 2 sepell
The Dark One Cometh by SirShaguar Nov 5, 2004
This does not deserve a 9 or a 10.
The Middle Mary Sue by Twiggy Nov 5, 2004
This is definately a story that could use some pictures.
Morathi's Poison ** FULLY ILLUSTRATED :-D by Morathi Nov 5, 2004
I had heard of that mind-game before, except it was with tennis balls. Anyway, this is a really good story.
Pitch Black by TheKoolAidGuy Nov 5, 2004
not really that good, but it would disrespect the site if I gave it less.
Lucid by Ann Nov 5, 2004
Paints a picture of perfect peace. Must have been hard to do. Good job.
The new Grand Testing Tale by Megamantn Nov 5, 2004
One of the 3 worst stories on the whole site. Nothing positive to say at all.
Hiei Part 1 by Venus2352 Nov 5, 2004
It would get a higher rating if you separated the paragraphs, it looks like a jumbled bunch of garbage, but the story is good.
The Virus by CYOAWritersGuild Nov 5, 2004
After reading the Ronin story I felt this one paled in comparision. You people need to use quotes so the reader can tell who is speaking.
Wrestle War by twrock Nov 5, 2004
I ask you... does anyone care about the WWwhatever?
Something Strange... by mysticaldragon22 Nov 5, 2004
Good...good, but at the start it seems like it is set in midieval times. You might want to change the first room.
Everyday Life- A Sailor Moon Story by PrincessSerenity Nov 5, 2004
I had no idea what you were talking about. For all of us men, please explain the characters of your story because we don't watch the show.
Augustine by ministerjoel Nov 5, 2004
This story truly pulls you in with its expert writing style. Id be happy to partner up with you for a story.
The Museum Of Modern Scares by kyansbabe Nov 5, 2004
This would be an excellent story if it were not for one fact. This is a CYOA site, not a short story site. Find somewhere else to write your books.
Criminals by Shabti Nov 5, 2004
One of the best ideas for the story. Why don't you write more? They'd probably be good.
Only one way out by Yuukanna Nov 5, 2004
I suppopse its a good idea but some of the choices are pretty stupid.
The neverending story by WarlordRak Nov 5, 2004
I liked it and the amount of rooms was satisfying. Good job.
The Rise and Fall of the Yurt Dwellers of Nohunteria by williamwc3 Nov 5, 2004
I expected much better. Why the hell does the guy have a cell phone and talk like a black man? Not a good idea.
#Digiworld Adventure 2 by digiworld Nov 5, 2004
Right from the start I could tell this story was going to suck. I was right.
Revenge of the Ronin by CYOAWritersGuild Nov 5, 2004
Bravo!!! A great group effort! I hope I could be included in your next story!!!
The Big 'un! by TheKoolAidGuy Nov 5, 2004
Why doesn't this come about more often (what I mean to say is why isn't everyone adding on to other people's stories all the time)?
The Legend of Zelda by videogameWriter Nov 5, 2004
A good amount of rooms, exceeds my previous expectations.
"Arrgh, me pirate gold. I lose me golden teef" by punkdalley Nov 5, 2004
This story deserves a little more attention than it gets. Good show, and good idea. You go a bit over the limit with the not teeth accent, though.
Old Western Tale by babycash Nov 5, 2004
This story does not include a story. It is a series of actions.
Bond, James Bond by macewindu999 Nov 5, 2004
Uhhh, hello. James bond deserves more than 6 words per room. Im not saying 3 paragraphs would be right, but 3 lines would be a big improvement.
Jahnavi Castle by Katiegirl88121 Nov 5, 2004
Not good, not bad.
Faridell by Futurecast Nov 5, 2004
The best classic there is, plain and simple.
Horror of Horrors! by seveneves Nov 5, 2004
this story is really hard to follow due to the one-line paragraphs.
Espionage & Sabotage by NCPolice55571 Nov 5, 2004
This is the only story I've ever come across with sounds. I didn't know you could do that.
The Hidden World by lizdnt4get Nov 5, 2004
Im a guy so I really couldn't connect.
Treasure Hunter by llamallama Nov 5, 2004
good details
Quest oNe by lioness1081 Nov 5, 2004
Very good story: descriptive, interesting, and well-written.
mobile phone hell by rosevibe Nov 5, 2004
YOU SEEM TO DISLIKE CAPITAL LETTERS.
She's a Maniac by selenarosalez Nov 5, 2004
Interesting in every aspect except the plot.
Enveloping Evil by Milo Nov 5, 2004
Pretty good, could definately use more than 3 rooms
Risky Business by rockitten Nov 4, 2004
starts out good but rooms become too short
Pokemon by Sash Nov 4, 2004
By far the best pokemon story on the site.
A New Home in the Country by Prang Nov 1, 2004
Very descriptive!
A Harry Potter Adventure by sunshynajc Oct 30, 2004
Just maybe the very best story on the whole site. I enjoyed everything but severenz, I believe the author abused copyright laws
Would You Like Mushrooms On Your Pizza? by Morathi Oct 30, 2004
pretty damn funny
S.W.A.T. Leathal Injection Team by NCPolice55571 Oct 30, 2004
You always write at least decent stories, which is what this is
Chinese Rebellion by retlin Oct 30, 2004
Very good ret. You're getting better with each story. Way too many spelling errors though and you just copied C-047 bitch
The Song That Doesn't End by Lucid Oct 29, 2004
Uhhh...why does everyone like this story? its not a story!!!! Try a little next time, good idea, but it doesn't desrve to be a story. I used to sing this song every day, it was on some kids show. Does that mean I like it in any manner? Hell, no!
wild night 2 by fenixboy Oct 29, 2004
This is most certainly thw worst story on the site. You have been a member for months. Add on.
Experimental Factors by Angel624 Oct 29, 2004
I read this book a long time ago and just remember it being very goog.
Doorways by CelticFrostQueen Oct 28, 2004
surely one of the top 10 stories on the site. Extremely well done.
A Day in the Life of Messenger Hello Kitty by ChibiMusie Oct 28, 2004
Please...someone tell me what the point of this story is.
From the Bedroom to the Stage by toadhjo Oct 28, 2004
Wow, this story really soared past my expectations. I thought it'd be one of the worst on the site, but it was pretty good.
The Five Elements by Cat2000andStar2003 Oct 28, 2004
A pretty good story but could definately use some more rooms. I don't get the elements parts either, explain it better.
The Corporate Ladder by severenz Oct 27, 2004
Sev, this could easily be your best story. The writing is exceptional, but you have only one right choice per room!
by Oct 27, 2004
Hmmm... the rooms are way to short and nothing happens. But I think that's because you haven't had time to work on the story, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. If events could happen quicker and events actually happen your great idea could become a great story. Check out Visual Epic for ideas. Now that's a good RPG CYOA.
Tomb Raider: The Lost City of Nazarian by NCPolice55571 Oct 26, 2004
This might just be your best yet.
The Final Quest by severenz Oct 26, 2004
Enh, okay.
Final Quest by Cat2000 Oct 26, 2004
Very good.
Mr. Wiggles Big Adventures (Not a Childrens Story) by NCPolice55571 Oct 26, 2004
Tisk tisk, NCPolice, I expected better from you. Stick to what you're good at, this story is just plain stupid.
Death by: ______ by alfonzo Oct 26, 2004
An excellent idea, and a good but unfunny story.
Christian's Castle by michaelrayholt Oct 26, 2004
I'm biased against this story. I apoligize.
You are a Cockroach by ShannonK Oct 26, 2004
I give this a six because it is a humor story but doesn't even make an attempt at being funny.
The Map by divided0 Oct 26, 2004
This story is not about a map.
Pick Your Poison 3 (Respect) by Kschlee Oct 26, 2004
Another commendable story.
nothingness by retlin Oct 26, 2004
You tell everyone else not to add anything dumb, yet all you add is dumb stuff.
The Order by Secoise Oct 26, 2004
Fair at best. Just so you know, you can edit rooms. It is your first story, so don't get discouraged.
The Enchanted Maze by poetri Oct 26, 2004
Alright, I suppose. Best maze story on the site, because it really isn't a maze.
Pick your Poison (Alcohol) by Kschlee Oct 24, 2004
Good story. You must have alot of time on your hands to write so much.
Dragon Slayer by packratt5454 Oct 24, 2004
Gamer's right its tupid how you cant not answer the door. But pretty good.
The Oddball Odyssey Part Choose-Your-Own by Gorloche Oct 24, 2004
I have no idea why I enjoyed this story so much. Almost nothing was wrotten on each room but it was awesome!
Zombie Apocalypse by TonySoprano Oct 24, 2004
I couldn't help but get the feeling you didn't have enough to sat so you tried to lengthen your rooms by saing the same thing 5 times. Otherwise good.
Pick Your Poison 2 (Drugs) by Kschlee Oct 24, 2004
Best poison story of all 3 (the 3 made so far). NC is right, definately braek up the first page!!!
The Dragon's Final Rage by JPotter Oct 24, 2004
I liked it. Good for a first story.
The Broken Arrow Inn by flisk Oct 24, 2004
A very detailed story that was well-written. Deserves the 8.
HITMAN by secretscope Oct 24, 2004
Not bad, not good.
You Are Ash Ketchum Son! by catboy Oct 23, 2004
I had no idea what was going on the whole time. We all know the pokemon story, so it shouldn't be that hard to write it. Not the worst pokemon story on the site, though
Be Ye Man? by yajonathan Oct 23, 2004
wow that was really stupid
Behind the Shield: Bomb Squad by NCPolice55571 Oct 23, 2004
wow thats alot of words
The Mysterious Object by kuhl Oct 19, 2004
Pretty damn bad.
The World of War by retlin Oct 15, 2004
A good story with occasional elementary writing style.
Small Town Posse by jokur2787 Oct 11, 2004
A so-so story.
Get A date...... And Maybe Something more.... by Leyasu Oct 11, 2004
Not enough explaining why anything happens, pretty bad.
Another Monday Morning by NCPolice55571 Oct 3, 2004
I cant believe megaman gave it a 1... maybe that's why he got the boot...
Wrong Side of Bed by CoreyTheCh8t Oct 3, 2004
pretty good it's really four stories in one, good idea man
Wandering by earthbound Oct 2, 2004
A large vocabulary was used in this story, and the dream was described very well. If it has a few more rooms it could go public.
Assassin by GaMeR86 Oct 1, 2004
Overall, pretty good. If you add some of the loose ends, it could turn into a great story.
5050 by Ghost Sep 24, 2004
very good and it really drawed me in
When Zombies Attack by YazZMaN Sep 24, 2004
very good, man! funny and smart
Hired Assasin by NCPolice55571 Sep 20, 2004
Very good, but I don't know anything about this stuff
Hero of Asuras by SteveG Sep 20, 2004
Pretty good! Im trying to write one like it
Pokemon Adventure! by undertakerjoe Sep 19, 2004
pretty good, much better than the other pokemon adventure
The Adventures of George W. Bush by curmudgeon Sep 19, 2004
This is one of the funniest stories I've ever read. curmudgeon has done his research. Exceptionally well done.
Visual Epic by Morathi Sep 14, 2004
Truly, as the title states, epic. The author must have taken weeks to write this story. Very commendable
Dark Secrets by shuttlesworth50 Sep 14, 2004
pretty good
dookiemon: the day of a trainer by Yowassupyal Sep 14, 2004
You shouldn't die so quick so you could have side-adventures. I recommend the author reads Choose Your Own Damn Pokemon Adventure to see how a real mockery of pokemon is made.
Vixen Manor by CelticFrostQueen Sep 13, 2004
geat pictures! Yeah!